body functions: weeing and pooing

i used to spend loads of time in the garden of my grandparents house when i was little (5yrs old). When i had to go to the bathroom i would get very scared of their big old house because it seemed huge, especially if i was the only one in it. my grandparents would tell me that if i had to go pee or poo, that i should just run into the washroom and go quickly and run back out.i was always too scared but i didnt want to tell them. cleverly i found what i thought was an outdoor toilet. it was the window well to the neighbour's basement window. I would poo there all the time, thinking nobody would ever notice...but it was a window after all.

One day I saw a man peeing on tv, until then I always thought they sat down like us girls did. After I saw that I thought I did it wrong so I stood over the toilet and peed. I did this until years later and I was at my friends house and we were both in the bathroom and she peed the way I use to. I was so confused about which was the right way that I cried until her older brother explained it to me. Then, I went back to the old way.

I was told that God watches us all the time. So everytime I went to the bathroom, I folded my hands and said: “Dear God, I need to pee/poo. Could you please look away?”
And when I was done, I did the same, this time saying: “Dear God, I'm done. You can look again.”

A child's thoughts are filled with innocence, not stupidity, although some people seem to think this.

I used to think that the penis got its name because you pee out of it, so I thought that by that same token your but should be called your poonis, because you poo out of it. This is a highly common childhood belief.

When I was very small, my mom taught me to say, "I have to go to the ladies room" instead of something like "I have to wee-wee" or other childish phrases. She was very proud of herself until one day when I had a bladder infection, I blurted out (in public of course), "Mom! MY LADIES ROOM BURNS!"

The first time I ever learned the word "diarrhea", it was in a context that didn't make the specific meaning clear. Instead I got the idea that diarrhea meant any poop. I thought I'd learned the "grown up" term for poop, and started saying "I have diarrhea" any time I needed to poop. After a while, my mother got concerned and took me to the doctor. I don't remember what, if anything, was resolved there. And it seems it must have been years later that my confusion finally got cleared up as to what exactly diarrhea is.

When I was about 4 years old I was playing hide & seek with my mother. I was hiding in the bathroom closet & heard someone come in the bathroom. I peeked through the door & saw my father peeing.
I ran out of the bathroom screaming & crying to my mother that my father had pee pouring out of his thumb.
I was very worried that something was wrong with him & that he'd need to go to the hospital or something!

When I went to visit my Grandmother, I would always see that the water in the toilet was blue. I'd acuse my sister of not flushing the toilet because I was sure that since my pee was yellow, girl pee must be blue.

my grandmother told me that when you go "number 2", if you push you'd burst things in your head and die on the toilet. so as a little girl, it took me forever to go to the bathroom because i was afraid i'd die.

When I was little, I misunderstood the meanings of "Number 1" and "Number 2." Instead of using the terms for what I had to do, I used them for levels of seriousness. If I had to go really really really bad, I would yell "I have to do a NUMBER 7!

When my (much) younger sister was six or so, I made some sort of comment to her about food turning into poo. She looked confused, and I said "When you eat food, it goes though your body and comes out as poo. Didn't you know that?"
She looked confused.
"Where did you think poo came from?"
She admitted that she thought a machine came into her room at night and "put poo up my bum for the next day."
I have >no< idea where she got that idea, but you can bet I'm going to mention it at her wedding reception.

When I was little I remember the teacher asking "Does anyone need to go to the potty?" I totally thought she meant "party" so I was like "ooh! me! me!". Boy, I was disapointed when she took me to the bathroom and there was no party. The funny part is that I did that more than once.

As a kid I thought that I generated flies, which hatched out of eggs in my poop. That was because when going on nature walks and having to poop outdoors, I would soon see flies swarming around my poop. I thought I never saw them when pooping at home because I always flushed the poop down too soon for them to hatch. So I thought I was a mother of flies. I presumed that boys' poop would not similarly produce flies because boys couldn't be mothers of anything. Sometimes I worried about flushing my poop down, being afraid it would drown the flies. I wondered if all girls were similarly mothers of flies.

When I was a small boy I noticed that my testicles would move up and down on their own. Whenever I complained to my Mom that I had a bellyache, she'd always ask me, "Did your bowels move today?" I thought she was asking me if my balls moved. I'd always tell her yes, because they had, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what my balls moving had to do with my bellyache.

I used to believe that if you made a peeing or pooing noise (such as the pee hitting the water in the toilet or your turd splashing) in a public restroom that people would think you were rude and disgusting when you walked out of the stall.
For years i sat in an awkward fashion at school, trying to angle my pee to make sure no one heard it hitting the water!

this isnt my own belief, but my brother wore diapers until he was about 3 because he was afraid to use the toilet because he feared that when he took a poo that his skeleton would come out with it.