death

I used to believe…

As a child I always believed that if someone you loved died and you looked up at the stars, and you looked for the brightest one it would be the person you loved and they would always be looking after you. It gave me a sense of peace to think they were still around. I still find it reassuring to do this now.

I told my children the same thing when their grandfather died and it helped them, they only had to look and they could still see him.....unfortuately they now sit there pointing out the three gerbils, twenty something fish, their friends dogs, birds the cat has caught........!!!!!!!

I used to believe…

Once someone told me whenever you pass a graveyard, if you dont hold your breath you will lose 5 minutes of your life.

I used to believe…

my grandpa & i found a frozen lizard while camping. he put it on the rocks next to the fire to "defrost", when i woke up the next morning the lizard was gone, grandpa said it un-froze and ran off - i still believe him!

I used to believe…

When my pappy died when I was 4, we didn't have the proper burial for him. The last time I saw him, he was lying on a bed covered from the chest down. I remember the nurse picking me up to let me kiss him on the cheek and then I told him that I loved him, and I said nite nite to him, and I thought he fell asleep. A few years later, I asked my Mom when Pappy was going to wake up. Then I proceeded to tell her that I should wake him up, because my dollies missed using his cane for a balance beam.

I used to believe…

When I was eleven, we found a large male tom cat. I named him Melcolme. He loved to go outside and play with my female cat, Divinchi. One winter night Melcolme and Divinchi went out to play, and Melcolme never came back. Mum told me that his real owner came to cliam him. I believed it. When I was 12 I found out the truth. Melcolme got hit by a car. I was in anguish over it. I loved him a lot. I cut up all of my best Pokemon cards because I thought that it would somehow bring him back.

I used to believe…

when i was 4 i had a premonition that i would die of leukemia when i was 54 years old. i've never forgotten it. it used to scare me, but not anymore. i'm 48 now. six years until i die?

I used to believe…

When i was about 6 there was a neighborhood cat i named "Grey" (because he was all grey). Since he was at our house so much, i thought he lived with us, although he pretty much lived nowhere. One week he stopped coming around, and then there was a cat on a tv commercial that looked just like him. I thought that he had gone to Hollywood to be on tv. I really beleived this until i was old enough to realize he had probably died. Last year (when i was 30), when my mom finally told me that she found him that winter, dead and frozen under the front porch. I'm still traumatized by finding out like that.

I used to believe…

When I was around the age of seven I recall the television report outlining the life and death of the actor who played Ronald McDonald. I was terrified because before I heard this I never thought anybody I knew would actually die, and I felt as if I knew Ronald. For the next couple of years I feared death and thought for sure I would die in my sleep.

I used to believe that when people died or were killed in the movies that they died in real life. And therefore I concluded that all actors who died in movies must have received a death sentence.

I used to believe…

when about 4 i remember asking my father what happens when you die. He informed me that when he died, as far as he could tell, the world would end. I dont think i was really ready for this kind of zen....

I believed that the spirit of my grandfather lurked in my room each night, so I slept in my parents room for years. The funny thing is, I have 2 grandfathers, one is dead, the other still isn't. (but he's 85) I was scared of the spirit of the one who is still alive! (he was an absent father, and a pretty lousy grandfather, but I give him credit) I honestly don't know why this was, I must have been confused about which one was which.

I used to believe that if you accidentally inhaled a whiff of Raid whilst killing a bug, that you only had a few hours to live. And I did once, when I was six. Inhale a whiff, that is. But I didn't die, which was a relief after a pretty tortured hour of doubt. And I didn't tell Mom about it, because I wasn't supposed to be using the Raid. So I walked around thinking "this is the last time I'll ever get to do _______ again", like swinging or climbing a tree, or watching CHiPs.

I used to believe…

when my first goldfish died, my mom flushed him down the toilet. when i asked her where he would end up, she said heaven. about an hour later, she found me screaming into the toilet, "hello?...god..please take good care of my fishy!"

I used to believe…

After watching a vintage Disney cartoon, and hearing other tales of that strange time called midnight, I arrived at the following conclusions:

1. Night and day occurr simotaniously all over the globe.

2. At midnight, the dead walk the earth.

It was terribly disturbing to think of these dead souls, wandering the landscape, rotting and miserable, some with their existances worn down to a single skull and spine, dragging itself along by worn teeth.

Naturally, I knew that these dead, although horrible and frightening, had no business with, and thus, meant no harm to me, and so I must expose myself to their existance.

I watched my clock and waited, patiently. Midnight arrived and I approached my window, ready to be terrified by the vision of what, I myself, would one day be.

No one was there.

I was always scared to death at funerals. Even now it bothers me. As I sat there, I was afraid the people would rise up out of the coffins and take revenge upon those who had wronged them and I was most scared at my Father's funeral because I'd had so many nightmares around his death where he'd chased me with an axe and told me it was my fault. I was afraid that, as I bent down to kiss him, he would start choking me to death so he could take me with him.

I used to believe…

At the age of three my cousin and I believed that people automatically died when they reached the age of 20. I have a clear memory of panicking when he told me my Dad was at least 19.