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My dad told me that raisins were the dead flies from the windowsill
When I was about 5 or 6 I asked my Grandmother where pork chops came from. She told me from a pork chop bush and that if I planted a pork chop bone it would grow into a pork chop bush of my own. I tried it and when nothing happened she said I hadn't watered it enough. I was so disappointed.
A few years ago my cousin (now 9 years old) used to call eggs "eggimos". My grandma to this day still calls eggs "eggimos" in front of my cousin, and he gets all embarassed and yells "I don't call eggs that anymore Grannie!" She'd just laugh. I called them that once too, when I was asking him what he wanted for breakfast. "Do you want eggimos, or pancakes?" "Eggimos? What are you nuts!?!? There EGGS!" He exclaimed. I still laugh at that.
When I was little, I was convinced you could bend a cracker. If you were quick enough, it would bend into a little V-shape. Of course, this only resulted in smashed crackers all over the living room floor.
When I was little, my mom told me *she had been married to him for a very long time at this point, and could tease him a bit* that the reason my father had become blind was because he didn't eat his carrots. This scared the dickens out of me, and from that point on, I ate all the carrots left out, which turned out to sometimes be 3 or 4 whole carrots...!
As it turns out, my father has retina pigmentosus *sp?* and started losing his vision in highschool.
I always though that chicken fried steak was chicken, fried like steak. I thought is was so nasty that there was brown chicken, so I wouldn't eat it-until I was 15 and my mom told me it was steak, fried like chicken...now I'm a chicken fried steak fiend!
I used to believe that if a can of tuna had the words "Dolphin Safe" on the label, it meant there were no chunks of dolphin in the tuna.
It was this one time i was over at my neighbor, who was eight years younger than me, he was at that time five... I had this bad habbit of sucking on unriped cherries. He asked me why I was sucking on it. I told him it tasted as coke. He ran over to the tree to have one as well. But quickly realized it didn't taste as coke, and was really upset. Then I told him that it was only the ones in the top of the tree that tasted like coke. He started climing the tree, and every once in a while stopped to cheek to see if the unriped cherries at where he was tasted like coke. When he'd reached pretty high, I told him that I'd only joked with him, but he wouldn't believe me. He kept on climbing all the way to the top...
When I was small my dad would tell us that eating meat would put hair on my chest. Thinking thats what I really wanted, I would be very proud at having finished my meat at dinner. Needless to say I never realized that having hair on your chest is the last thing a woman wants.
When I was 6 or so, my friend Caroline and I were in my garage playing "restaurant" at a little table I had in there. My mom kept bringing us food, but she soon stopped because she said we were eating too much and she didn't want us getting sick. I insisted that I was not full yet, but she wouldn't listen. Then I saw a box labeled "Plant Food Spikes" and had an idea. I figured this would be okay to eat, because with my naive logic, since plants ate it, and we eat plants, it'd be fine to eat. Plus, it said "Food" on the box. Food is meant to be eaten, right? Well, I ate one plant food spike (I don't know how I didn't notice the bad taste) and had to be rushed to the emergency room to get my stomach pumped, along with multiple doses of thick, black activated charcoal. Damn plants.
I used to think condiments had feelings and they knew when I took one out of the fridge that I liked that one over the others. I felt so guilty I had to use all of them on my sandwiches. Even though I hated mustard, I'd put a tiny dot on my sandwich so it wouldn't feel bad. That goes for having to use Miracle Whip and relish too!
I used to believe that corned beef was sliced snake, to me aged 5, it looked just like the inside of a snake would.
when i was 3 or so, i truly believed that you bought half corn cobs in cans marked "corn kernals". i think that this belief was fuled by the fact that those little 330g cans were the right size to contain a half corn cob standing on end and i thought that "kernals" meant "half". (that had something to do with it having an 'S' on the end.) i was very disappointed when i found out.
One day, when I was about four, I saw a tree that had just had a large branch break off of it, and the place where the branch had been was white, flakey and wet. So, of course, I assumed that what I saw was chicken (the meat). I thought for half a year that trees were full of chicken, and that you cut them down, peeled the bark off, and ate it.
I believed that my mother invented toast.
I once made sandwichs for my dad and his friend. After I gave the sandwiches I went inside for a bit and then came back out, and noticed that while my dad was still eating, his friend wasn't. I asked where his sandwich was, and my dad told me that he just ate it whole, so he ate it faster, "without chewing?" I asked, and my dad said yes. I then could do nothing but picture a whole sandwich, floating in his stomach, and whenever I saw his friend after that, I always thought that the sandwich was still in his stomach, whole!
I used to think that corn flakes were the middle of the cob sliced ver-r-r-y thin and baked. I suppose like crisps (US- chips). I thought it was brilliant that they had something to do with the cob when the corn kernels had been taken off and put into tins. I think I was into my teens before this belief was shaken, and I still think it's a shame it's not true. (After all, shredded wheat is demonstrably made out of twigs, and nobody's convincing me otherwise!)
When I was little my parents told me that if I didn't eat my potatoes I would turn green. That's why martians are green because they don't have any potatoes on mars (of course!).
I was once told that maggots lived in the end of bananas and so I started to stop eating the banana just before the end. Unfortunately although I know that this isn't true I still can't bring myself to eat a banana to the very end.
I ussed to believe that cows laid meat inthe same way hens lay eggs, was ill for a few days after finding out the truth!