When I was 3 or so my parents, without getting into lengthy explanations of Vitamin A, told me carrots would help me see in the dark. That night, well after bedtime, I snuck into the kitchen and stole a carrot from the fridge. My parents caught me in my dark bedroom trying to use it as a flashlight.
Quaker Oats Porridge had a picture of a quaker on the packaging. He wore a large white cravat-type thing around his neck.
Because it appeared to emerge from underneath his chin and was the same colour as the product in the packaging, I assumed it was a torrent of semi-digested porridge which poured out of a hole in his face.
I had a pad of all multi coloured construction paper. I was somehow convinced that each colour was a flavour, too, like blueberry, strawberry, grape, etc. I ate little pieces of the paper and I was quite certain I could detect the subtle nuances of flavour in each one.
When I was younger, my mother was making lobsters for dinner (they were still alive before she threw them in the boiling water)and everytime she threw one in, she made a low screaming noise and she says "Did you hear that? The lobsters are screaming because they're in pain" I actually believed that it was them screaming once they were thrown in the water because she never told me that it was her making the noise. I am now 24 and to this day, I listen for the lobsters when I see them getting thrown into the water.
When I was younger, there were protests against destruction of the rainforests for cattle ranching. So somebody told me that 'they cut down the rainforests to make McDonalds beefburgers'. For years I thought that burgers were made of wood.
In England, 'Lyons Syrup' comes in tins with a picture of a lion lying in the sun. My father told me that this was how they made syrup, by leaving lions out in the sun to melt. I believed it for a long time, and even thought I could taste the lion.
My mum used to tell me that there was a banana factory where bananas got bent before they were sold. She even pointed out a building where it apparently was!
I realized in college that the expression, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" was also misunderstood by some of my classmates.
Me - "Doctors are scared of apples that if you give one to them, they'll run away."
Rae - "Doctors like apples so much that if you give one to them, they'll skip work."
Peter Sia - "Kids are scared of doctors. Bribe an apple to the doctor when you're at the hospital and he'll leave you alone."
At one restaurant, there were signs on the tables reading "Wednesday, All You Can Eat, Spaghetti!" My then-six-year-old daughter looked intensely at the sign, turned to me and said, "Spaghetti is not ALL you can eat!" She thought that the sign meant the only dish available on Wednesday was spaghetti!
my parents always told me carrots were good for your eyes. somehow i misinterpreted that to mean that if you didnt eat carrots, you'd go blind. i always believed my eyesite got dim before dinner, then afterwards was repelenished. i also worried that if i didn't eat an even amount of carrots, one eye would be better than the other, so i always ate an even amount and chewed them on different sides of my mouth so each eye was the same.
When I was about 4 or 5 years old I used to think pretzels were made out of wood from trees...When my father did firewood I would pick up pieces and chew on them and complain how they needed salt.
As a child, I always hated bananas. One day when I had just began primary, my mom told me "Have a banana with breakfast, Dear, it'll give you fiber,"
That day we went on a field trip to where they made paper. We learned how to make it and how to make our own. We learned about the GRAIN of the paper and it's FIBERS.
From then until I was seven, I ate as much paper as I could while no one was looking.
When my mum used to make jelly from cubes (you know where u broke the cubes and added hot water so it went all liquidy before putting it into a bowl to set) i used to like drink the liquid jelly. She old me that the jelly would set in my stomach and that it would stay that way and i would wobble when i walked. For ages afterwards i walked very slowly and deliberately so no one would notice my 'wobble'
When my brother was about 3 or 4, he would get angry and cry every time my mom asked him if he wanted grilled cheese to eat. We never understood why until one day during one of his crying fits he screamed "I DONT WANT GIRL CHEESE, I WANT BOY CHEESE"
Apparently we offended his budding masculinity by offering him the 'girl' cheese. In my house it was thereafter referred 2 as 'boy cheese for the boy, and girl cheese for the girls'.
As a child, after seeing an anti-drug commercial in which an egg was scrambled, the person said "This is your brain on drugs." One morning, my Aunt asked what I wanted for breakfast, I replied, "brains on drugs."
For some reason, I got the belief in my head that armoured trucks (the ones that carry money) actually held biscuits. It never struck me that the securtity guards and snipers were there to protect anything... I thought they just really liked biscuits. I still associate armoured trucks with Ginger-Mango biscuits...
I remember in pre-school announcing that I knew where jelly came from. I said Jelly-fish. The teacher kindly corrected me.
When I was a kid the most popular dessert to order in fancy restaurants was Chocolate Mousse. The first time I ate it had pieces of what I now know was chocolate. As I ate it I was convinced they were actual pieces of moose.
I used to think that vanilla was the absence of chocolate, not its own flavor.
When I was a kid I loved to eat onion rings, until I realized that they were made with onions.