food: general

I was once told that maggots lived in the end of bananas and so I started to stop eating the banana just before the end. Unfortunately although I know that this isn't true I still can't bring myself to eat a banana to the very end.

When I was 6 or so, my friend Caroline and I were in my garage playing "restaurant" at a little table I had in there. My mom kept bringing us food, but she soon stopped because she said we were eating too much and she didn't want us getting sick. I insisted that I was not full yet, but she wouldn't listen. Then I saw a box labeled "Plant Food Spikes" and had an idea. I figured this would be okay to eat, because with my naive logic, since plants ate it, and we eat plants, it'd be fine to eat. Plus, it said "Food" on the box. Food is meant to be eaten, right? Well, I ate one plant food spike (I don't know how I didn't notice the bad taste) and had to be rushed to the emergency room to get my stomach pumped, along with multiple doses of thick, black activated charcoal. Damn plants.

When I was small my dad would tell us that eating meat would put hair on my chest. Thinking thats what I really wanted, I would be very proud at having finished my meat at dinner. Needless to say I never realized that having hair on your chest is the last thing a woman wants.

My little sister used to believe Brazil Nuts were called "genie nuts" and if you ate enough a genie would come out and grant your wish. Thanks to her older sister, she went to Jr. High still believing that. :)

When I was younger, I ate a lot of cheese doodles. I believed that every bag was a family of cheese doodles, and I would eat as many as possible to try and keep the "family" together. There was always this random image of my mind of a cheese doodle family, fully clothed and with hair, sitting in the waiting room that was my stomach. When it was time to be digested, the jumped through this little tube thing and came out the other end.
I still have a vision of this cheese doodle in a dress with big black hair, reading a news paper while hanging out in my stomach.

I used to think that when you went to a party and were supposed to bring a "dish to pass" you were not allowed to enter unless you had a dish. I thought that it was quite silly, but I never questioned it. It wasnt until I was much older that I realized that all it meant was you were supposed to bring food to share.

For some reason, I always thought baked beans were "bacon beans." I think I just called them that one day, and my family stuck with calling it that, because they thought it was cute. So, when I'd be in the lunch line in school and ask for "bacon beans", I never got what was so funny. It took a very long time for me to realize I was using the wrong word.

When you go to the store, you know how to check to see if fruits and vegetables are ripe. Well, my brother (I know, it's not about me) used to believe that an egg, if left on a shelf long enough, could eventually hatch into a chicken. It was not until much later in his life, actually, that he discovered that store-bought eggs could not hatch because they were un-fertilized. All that time, he was afraid he might actually see a beak when cracking an egg open.

When I was little I was having breakfast with my parents. While reading the menu I noticed a small blurb that read "egg beaters, 25 cents extra." I thought it was very strange that they actually allowed people to beat their own eggs in the restaraunt.

My older sister told me this once when I was little and I totally believed it: She told me that if children eat Monteray Jack cheese... then Montery Jack will come and eat them in their sleep...

My nephew, when visiting his grandmother, asked what she ws cooking. The reply was "a hamhock" and he became quite upset, believing she was cooking a hawk who had a preference for pigs.

I thought Golden Crisp cereal was coffee beans for kids. It smelled like coffee, took the coffee bean shape... so therefore it was so. Just "toned down" into whimsical-looking coffee shapes. Mum wasn't very happy when I put some in her coffee maker.

When I was little, my grandmother told me that each time you ate a vegetable, you would live one minute longer. So, I believe that if you ate 60 vegetables, you would live an hour longer and so on.

I sometimes have trouble hearing so when I was young I always thought that grill cheese sandwiches were called "girl" cheese sandwiches. Since both girls and boys like them, I didn't understand why they called them that.

When I was little I thought pancakes were pan-a-cakes because of the pat-a-cake game my mom played with me. (I thought she was saying "pan-a-cake,pan-a-cake, baker's man) I loved pancakes and asked for them all the time calling them "pan-a-cakes". Then when I was about five my grandmother told me they were really called "pancakes" and that sounded so wrong! It took years before it began to sound okay to just say "pancake".

I used to believe when i was a young, young child... that planting skittles in dirt will grow into a skittle tree :P