grown-ups

I used to believe that teachers lived at school. Until I saw my 2nd grade teacher at the grocery store once and asked my mom why she wasn't at school. On a Saturday.

I used to believe…

Whenever my sisters and I were being bad my mom would threaten that "Helga" was going to come babysit us. This so called babysitter was described as a horrid woman and we were terrified of her. As soon as she was mentioned we'd turn into little angles. The story of Helga kept us behaved for years.

I have an Aunt Joanne. I used to think she was the owner of every Jo-Ann's Fabrics in existence. I later learned there were other Jo-Anns in the world--who knew?

I used to believe…

At some point, I became convinced that my aunt and uncle had the job of putting the filing in Pop-Tarts. I held this notion for an embarrassingly long time (well into elementary school), and to this day cannot figure out why I started to believe that.

I used to believe…

Both my parents were married to other people before they married eachother, so when I was little I believed you have your first practice husband/wife to work out the kinks, and then you had your second one that would last a life time!

I used to believe…

My parents have the same birthday (but my father is a year older than my mother), so I automatically assumed that ALL parents had the same birthday. When we went to a neighbors house for their birthday, I couldn't understand why it was only one person's birthday, and not both. It took me a good two hours to realize that most people's parents don't have the same birthday.

I used to believe that babies weren't actually "alive" because I knew that I couldn't remember anything from when I was a baby, so I just assumed that little kids and babies wouldn't remember anything. I asked my younger brother once, "are you alive? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I used to believe…

When I was 4 I thought the minister gave the bride and groom a brand new last name when they got married. l asked my dad what his maiden name was and my parents burst out laughing. I got so upset because I just wanted to know his old name.

I used to think that it was illegal for the wife to be taller than the husband. When we visited my parents' friends, I was horrified to find that the wife was significantly taller than the husband. I remember looking out the back window as we were leaving and waving at them because I knew that they would get arrested soon.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I thought babies were born out of your belly button, and people with "outie" belly buttons had to go to the baby store and buy a baby. I also thought you could buy a boyfriend/girlfriend if you went to the back room of a Wal-Mart.

I used to believe…

When I was little I thought that children had to marry their parents, so i thought I was going to marry my dad until my mom explained that that's not how it works.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, my sister had me convinced that Marilyn Monroe was Madonna's mother. (This was during her Dick Tracy days) I believed this for almost three years. When my sister finally told me the truth, I was DEVASTATED for quite a while.

I used to believe that at the end of the day in restaurants, the waiters would sit down for their evening meal and finish all the leftovers. So I used to make sure I left enough for the waiters on my plate!

I used to believe…

When I was little my dad came home from work in a bad mood. He told my mom he was upset because he had to fire someone that day. I remember crying that night because I was so upset my dad was so cruel that he would set one of his employees on fire.

I used to believe…

When I was little I believes you changed your name when you got older or married as all the adults had lames like Irene, Valerie, Neville, Brian - no one little had names like that so I thought you got to pick another one when you got older.

I was about 4 years old on a boat trip round a harbour when the tour guide pointed some big old ships moored at the side of the harbour explaining that the boats were "being run with just a Skeleton Crew". I turned to my dad an exclaimed,"Eugh, imagine having to step over all those dead bodies"