grown-ups

I used to believe…

When I used to talk too much as a child (which was quite often) my mother used to trick me by making me play "the silent game" - see how long you can not talk for. I did actually think this was a fun game, even though I wasn't very good at it.

I also used to be very un-cooperative about getting dressed sometimes, so to get my cooperation this is what my mother would say: "Do you want to put your shoes and socks on before or after you eat your toast?" I would happily reply "after I eat my toast", then happily put my shoes on after eating my toast - thinking I had got exactly what I wanted.

I used to believe that I would never stop climbing trees - even when I turned into an adult.

I used to believe…

When I was little and doing something to make my mother angry, she'd tell me that if I didn't stop "her Giraffe and her iron would descend upon me." Only years later did I realize that what she was really saying "Her wrath and her ire" - Since I didn't know those words I had translated them to the closest words I did know - To this day I picture the giraffe and the iron floating down towards me when I think of her getting angry!

I used to believe that my Dad was the tallest man in the world, thanks to my Mum being so proud at how tall he was. Then one day at the department store a rare black man that was a great deal taller than my Dad walked past us and I remember being so stunned, not at the fact that he was black, but the fact that he was taller than my Dad. I asking my Mum about that and her reply was that blacks are like that. I still never understood her answer and she wouldn't elaborate...

I used to believe…

when i was little and my mother was getting angry with me, she would tell me that she would take me down to the woods and give me to the used kid man. he was a man that took bad kids and ate them. it scared so bad i used to cry.

I used to believe…

When I was in elementary my friend used to rub in the fact that she was "smarter" than me because she was 4 months older. To which I honestly replied, yes, but she was also going to die 4 months before me! I think I thought that everyone dropped dead at age 100...

I used to believe…

When i was in kindergarten, my mum told me my nan was a pirate because of the way she cut cheese crooked. i took that literally and told my class for show and tell that my nan was a pirate and so i would grow up to be a pirate and steal everyone's treasure.. the teacher then made me sit down..

I used to believe…

when i was 9 or 10 my older sister decided it would be cool if she organized a wedding for my younger brother and i. we sent out fancy invitations to all the neighbors, had a veil made out of lacy tablecloth, and two gorgeous wedding rings made out of aluminium foil. i don't think we really got married though, as my brother refused to kiss me (and good thing, too!).

I used to believe…

When I was born, my father used to work for a company called Durham China, which made china tea sets etc. As a child, adults used to talk about 'the China Factory' (i.e. the place my Dad worked.) I assumed this was a factory full of Chinese people, making Chinese lanterns, pagodas, etc. It wasn't until a few years back when my Mum died and she still had a Durham China tea set, that my memory was reawakened and it finally dawned on me just what 'the China factory' had really made.

I used to believe that my Mom had sewn tiny hidden microphones into all my shirts, because it seemed like she always knew what kind of nonsense I was getting into.

I used to believe…

One day, I found my nan ironing in the kitchen. I asked her why she was doing this, she explained: "Well, irons get the creases out of clothes and make them nice and smooth." I replied "Nanny, why don't you iron your face?"
Luckily, she had a great sense of humour.

I used to believe…

When I was younger I thought that when someone got the sack they were put into a great big sack and the top was tied. Then there was 'custody' - getting thrown into a huge vat of custard. It took me years to work out the truth...

I used to believe that my dad knew everybody that you needed to know - and although I'm now 25, I'm still not convinced that he doesn't. He knows who to speak to to get - including a special price on concert tickets, a cheap (but excellent) photographer for my wedding, and all manner of cheap reliable tradesmen.

I used to belive that 13 year olds could drink.

I believed my mother really DID have eyes in the back of her head! Must have been about 11 when I finally gave up the notion and realized it was just "a figure of speech."

I used to belief that you could only become a barrister or a judge if your hair grew that way, i.e there were a priveliged few who were determined at birth!