grown-ups

I used to believe…

When I was a kid my great grandmother died. My mum was pretty close to her so this loss upset her for quite awhile. I didn't like seeing her cry about it so being the resourceful 4 year old I was I figured out how to cheer her up. I said "Hey don't worry mum, when I grow up i'll just built you a robot grandma!"

It seemed to be a very obvious solution to the problem at the time.

I used to believe…

When I first asked my Dad what he did at his job, he replied "I make money." For years I imagined my father at a US Mint facility actually making money, turns out he was a salesman.

I used to believe…

My grandfather used to tell me stories of when "he was a little girl". I was quite mystified as to how one changed sex in childhood. I wondered if I would turn into a boy, eventually. It seems this was a popular family joke, as my great-grandfather had told the same story to my dad!

I used to believe…

First I believed that my parents were brother and sister. Then I thought that my dad was also my mums dad.

I used to believe…

that when I grew to be an adult my parents would be children.

I used to believe…

my Mom told me as a young adult.. when one dos'nt have life insurence,
They put a bone up your ass and let the dogs drag you away

I used to think being an astronaut would be the coolest job in the world. When I was about 8 my class and I watched the space shuttle Challenger explode live on television. Scratch that astronaut job.

i used to believe that you never stopped growing. therefore, once you reached one hundred, you acquired superhuman strength and size. when some thugs broke our car windshield, i thought an hundred year old accidently leaned on it.

I used to believe that being fired actually meant being set on fire. I heard my aunt discussing some union conflict where the employees wanted to be fired. That seemed awfully morbid to me.

I used to believe…

when i was a kid i used to believe that all moms had eyes in the back of their heads, cause they knew what you were going to do even if that can't see you

I used to believe…

A few years ago my younger sister tried to tell me that I was adopted. I pointed out that since she doesn't have a baby album and I do (with two little kids you don't have much time to put together the younger one's album), if either of us were adopted she was the one. She persisted though, so I got fed up with it after a while and told Mom that my sister was yanking my chain. Mom thought we were talking about the treefrog that Dad had just accidentally smashed in the front door (getting its innards everywhere), so she said, "It's true!" I started to cry until she said, "He had to clean the guts off the porch!"

That was when I was about eighteen. I'm twenty-one now. Pretty sad, eh?

I once asked my mother that if people grew bigger as they got older, what happened to other things, like the table, or my toys... she told me that, obviously, they shrunk. So for a long time I believed that living things grew bigger over time and inanimate objects got smaller.... easy to believe since I kept outgrowing all my clothes.

I used to believe…

When I was little I thought that when you got married, you had to marry your brother or sister. If you didnt have any brothers or sisters you couldnt get married.

I thought my mom was bullsh*tting when she said my Grandma and Grandad where her parents. I really didn't comprehend it.

I used to believe that everything was perfect and that their was always a set 'protocol' for everything that happened.

I used to think I was going to be a zookeeper. Then I went on a field trip and saw how nasty the Ape House was.