grown-ups

I used to believe…

My mom used to think it was funny to tell my sisters and myself random bits of nonsense. She convinced my that a certain candy bar was only for adults, to keep me from begging. I legitimately was scared to try it until I was about 11 or 12. She also convinced my 3 year-old sister that eating the colored eggs on Easter would give her chicken pox. I have never seen my sister eat eggs on Easter, and she's 16.

I used to believe…

When I was little, the only TV shows my parents ever watched were Seinfeld and Roseanne. I had no interest in Seinfeld, but the angry, constantly-shrieking-about-nothing Roseanne Barr intrigued me. After an unhealthy amount of exposure to the show combined with my own family experiences, I began to believe that all fathers' names were "Dan," since my own dad's name is Dan, and John Goodman's character on the show shares this name. The total lack of exposure I had to the first names of other fathers (who talks about that when they're little anyway?) led me to believe this odd little mistake for an embarrassing number of years.

I used to believe that if I didn't use up a pencil within the week that I had first sharpened it, it would grow back into a tree. Needless to say, my mom was very angry when she had to buy new pancils all the time!

I used to believe…

When I was young, I used to believe that "getting fired" meant that a person would go to the boss's office and the boss would pour a ring of gasoline around the employee and then set it on fire and make them sit in the ring as they got yelled at.

I used to believe…

Mom and I lived in a very small house, dead of winter. I wanted to play "Hide and Seek" and she didn't want to go outside. I was 3, so she told me that if I covered my eyes, no one could see me. Hide and Seek game was on! I was so gullible (aren't we all at that age?). That then led to her telling me that if I covered my ears and screamed, no one could hear me and the funniest one... If I plugged my nose and farted no one could smell it.

Well, a couple of years went by and I was playing Hide and Seek with a cousin, so picture this... a 6 year old standing out in the middle of the yard with her eyes closed tight. Needless to say I got tagged, and got very mad.... she cheated!

I used to believe…

When I was a child in the late 80's and early 90's, blue eyeshadow was wildly popular in my area. So, I thought that when a girl grew up, her eyelids would naturally take on a light bluish tinge.

I use to believe my dad was the tallest man in the world. When I saw other guys taller than my own dad, I was confused. I didn't know whther he was still taller than them or not.

I used to believe…

Somehow I got it in my head that it's actually illegal to drink during your lunch hour at work. (I'm in the U.S.) The sad thing is, this belief wasn't corrected until I was 21! A few coworkers and I were getting lunch out at a new job I had and one of them suggested we get sandwiches and beer at a local pub.

"We can't do THAT!" I whispered. "It's against the law." They explained it wasn't and I was never sure if they thought I was kidding. I wasn't!

I used to believe that my Dad WAS the Incredible Hulk...
When a frisbee or ball was launched onto our roof I would put a foot in each of my Dad's hands and receive a "boost" up onto the roof.

I used to believe…

When I was five or six, one of my older cousins had his driver's liscence suspended. I thought this meant he forgot how to drive.

I used to believe that grownup just knew what was happening in life. I mean to say that I thought all grownups knew how things should be and that somehow they must have always know since the time they became adults. Perhaps there was a secret meeting that they had when they went out to dinner and we stayed home with the babysitter. Terribly disappointing to find out that they were making it up as they went along and no one is actually in charge. Scary, really.

I used to believe…

When I was a child, I met my Nana, my grandmother's mother. She was 86 at the time, and reasonably frail. As I grew up, she became frailer, and suffered the sort of hunched-shoulder back often seen in very elderly people, so she lost height.

I remember reasoning to myself that people grew bigger, and then as they got older they grew smaller again. I believed that for quite a while. If the process continued, I thought she would become as small as I was eventually.

I used to believe…

When I was little I though that the clock that wake up my grandma and granddad was an screaming woman.

I used to believe…

When I was young, I used to believe people could only marry other people they love and were born on the exact same day as themselves. It had me a little worried how I would find someone like that.

I used to believe…

When i was little I used to think that Martin Luther King was the king of all black people.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I used to think that a wedding was where people went, with the hope of finding the right partner and getting married there. I was therefore mystified when I first found out that my mum and dad knew each other before they were married!