grown-ups

I used to believe that when you grew up that you got a book that explained everything because of a calvin and hobbes comic where calvin's dad lied about the book. I remember asking my mom why we had to go to school when we would eventually get a book that explained it all. How gullable.

I used to believe…

When she was around 6, my sister thought that men studied for a Bachelor of Arts in University, and women studied for a Spinster of Arts. It was pretty logical, since an unmarried woman was traditionally called a spinster and she assumed that the men who received their bachelors had decided they would never get married.

I used to believe…

This wasn't MY belief, and technically it isn't a "belief", but as a teenager my Mom had babysat a lot of ridiculous little kids. Evidently, one day my Mom asked one of the girls, "Lucy" or something, what Lucy wanted to be when she grew up.

"I wanna have my very own WATERMELON STAND!"

I guess she liked watermelons?

I used to believe…

When I was in kindergarten, my friend always talked about her cousin. One day I decided to ask her what a cousin was (at the time I didn't have any cousins, so I didn't know what it meant) and she said "it's like a baby brother or sister", so being only five or six, I thought it WAS a baby brother or sister. I thought it was a fancy/smart way of saying brother or sister. So throughout the rest of the school year, I referred to my younger brother as my cousin since I thought it would make me cool, until my mom told me that I don't have any cousins. I was pretty disappointed, and everyone thought I had a really cool cousin.

I used to believe that my cousin and I were twins because we had the same first name just spelled differently and to make it worse my grandmother would dress us up a like and tell people we were twins. I was devistated when I found out we were not reallly twins!

i had never heard the phrase "fired" before. the first time i saw "cat in the hat" and the fish said sally and conrad's mom would get fired, i thought "why would they kill her because her place was messy? thats cruel!" and asked my mom why she would get fired.

I used to believe…

When I was 14 I went through a Jane Austin phase. Around the same time I decided I was going to be a childcare worker when I finished school.

On the train one day a man asked me what I was going to do when I finished school and I told him I was going to be a wet nurse.

He was absolutely stunned for a few seconds and then said that that was a very unusual occupation these days and I looked at him as though he were mad and said 'Are you kidding? It's very common!" and then changed seats so I wouldn't have to sit next to the madman any longer.

It was a year or two later that I found out what a wet nurse does... and I will remember that poor man's expression forever.

I used to believe…

That my mom was an alien!

I used to believe…

my great auntie found out that she was adopted when she was a baby and she got told when she was 60 so i used to be scared that my mum would tell me i was adopted

I used to believe…

When I was little (around 5 or 6), I went to the circus with my family. I have a little sister, around 4 at the time, who became entranced with the elephant portion of the circus. The next day at her school, the teacher asked everybody what they wanted to be when they grew up, and naturally, my sister said she wanted to be an elephant when she grew up. Right now, she thinks she knows everything because she gets straight A's in school, but it is always a good laugh when you tell her "Yeah, and this is coming from the girl who wants to be an elephant when she grows up."
Sometimes, I think she still wants to be one, and will stop at nothing to make her dream come true.

I used to believe…

Every Christmas and every time I lost a tooth, I used to get letters from Santa or the Tooth Fairy..... I would gloat to all the other kids how our idols were sending me letters and no one else.

Then I found out it was Grandmother writing me the letters the whole time, and I was furious. I thought it was her way of not letting Santa or the Tooth Fairy come into our house.

I used to believe that the way you went from being a Prince to a King was to get married, since at the end of fairy tales, the girl married the prince, and then he became a king. I just figured the two events were connected.

I used to believe…

My son once told me he saw a policeman. I replied "where did you see the police officer?" He replied that he was not a police officer because he had a car. I said "what do you mean?" Police officers don't have a car because they work in the "office".

I used the believe that a baby could walk right after he or she was born. When my friend told my kindergarten class that she started walking at the age of one, I raised my hand and asked if something was wrong with her.

I used to believe…

If I was misbehaving my grandma used to say that if I didn't behave myself a gypsy would come and take me and put me into her bag full of snot! Everytime we went to the shops in town I was on the look out for the gypsies with their snot bags.

I used to believe that my older sister was half-alien, half-human. She told me that, like an older sister would.