grown-ups

I used to believe that my parents were actually aliens. I thought that they wanted to poison me, but since they wouldn't want to poison my little brother they couldn't. I was afraid to eat anything that my mom made just for me.

I used to believe…

When I was little my parents told me I could grow up to be anything I wanted. I did not understand that this excluded inanimate objects. Therefore, the first thing I remember wanting to be when I grew up was a motorcycle.

I used to believe…

My sister once told me that my parents went to a cabbage patch and found me next to a rock. She told me the only reason they picked me was because the cabbage next to me was rotten so they had no choice. For years I thought it was true and that my parents resented me for not being ripe cabbage. Every time my parents made cabbage I would get really upset and they didn't know why. They thought it was because I didn't like eating cabbage and it wasn't until years later that they connected the dots and realized why I freaked out over cabbage.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, my Pap used to tell me he was the President of the United States. I believed him, because his middle name was Lincoln, and also, he was my Pap, why couldn't he be? lol

I used to believe…

One day my dad came home from work and we were all sitting round the table eating dinner. Dad wasn't happy and mum ask if everything was ok at work. Dad said that he had given Donna his reciptionist, the sack. I sat there thinking why has he given her a heshan sack, what can she do with that? For years i thought that getting the sack meant that you were given a heshan sack until one day i just learnt that it meant you've lost your job.

I used to believe that when you grew up, you became the opposite gender of what you were when you were a kid. I thought my mom started out as a boy and my dad started out as a girl. I became very mad when I thought I was going to become a girl when I grew up!

I used to believe…

When I Stayed At My Grandpas With My 2 Sisters We Would Ask Him If He Could Give Us PiggyBacks. When We Asked Him He Would Say Nah! I Got A Bone In My Leg! And We Would All Together Pick Him Up Off His Chair. Then When We Grew Up A Bit He Said Nah! I Got A Bone In My Leg And We Said: We Would Hope So!

I used to believe…

When I was about 5 I went on a family trip to a safari park, along with my mum and grandparents, came my uncle and aunt. Now my uncle is a wonderful man, but can be quite shy and quiet. However he is very clever so when he does speak I listen.
We were pulling into the drive of the park and went over a cattle grid. Being from the city id never seen one before and asked what it was. To which my uncle answered its a ''Gazumnearmniebush'', being so young and coming from him, I assumed it must be true.
Imagine my embarrasment when going over one on the college coach ( on my 1st day, at age 17) and exclaiming that it was a gazumnearmniebush. Luckily another very kind student explained the truth. My entire family had taken to using the word, assuming I knew what they were really called but just liked the name.

I was totally convinced (and even tried to convince my lil' sister) that my parents were aliens and at night when we went to bed, they would come out of their human bodies.

I met a girl who was adopted, and she knew about it, and she was an only child to her adopted parents. The adopted parents gave her own room (of course) with a canopy bed, and so many toys, and even a child-size playhouse in the back yard. I wanted to be adopted too. Because of her naturally curly hair, I thought she was Shirley Temple.

I used to believe…

My grandfather had a very strange sense of humor. When I was little, probably between 5-7, he would tell me stories about when he was a little girl just to tease me. He told me he liked to wear pink dresses with ribbons and bows, and then he grew up to be a big strong man. I thought for quite a while that I too that since I was a female, I was going to grow up to be a man, despite my parents trying to disabuse me of this idea. Happily, I'm all grown up and a woman.

I used to believe…

because i could never read my mum's handwriting, i used to think that adults had a different "grown-up" writing and that it was completely different to kids writing. i was worried that i couldn't understand it and spent ages drawings long squiggles on pieces of paper to see if they meant anything.

I used to believe…

When I was very small, I remember believing that the natural progression of age would transform me from a daughter to a son, then to a mother, then to a father, then a grandmother, then a grandfather. I guess I didn't understand the mechanics of gender yet.

I used to believe…

When my daughter was very young, we used to go to the corner mailbox to post letters to Grandma. At that time, US first class stamps had George Washington's face on them. So you can imagine my surprise when one day Suzy looked at a dollar bill and exclaimed, "Grandma!" She logically assumed that George Washington was her grandmother!

I used to believe…

When I was in the second grade, the kid who sat behind me would always do really gross things. One day I looked back and caught him trying to put the pointy end of a pencil in between his eyelid and push back (like, into the back of his eye... gross), and so I asked him what he was doing. He told me "Don't try this, I'm a professional." So, for the longest time, I thought that anyone distinguished as a "professional" poked lead pencils into the back of their eyes. I guess that's why I thought my dad's boss was crazy.

I used to believe…

As a child, I was surrounded by fairytales about princesses who grew up and got married, and at some point I decided that ONLY princesses got married. So I thought my mother had been a princess when she was younger, but had become a teacher after she married Dad because she liked it more.

I used to believe…

When I was about 4 or 5 my mom must have told my dad to stop acting like a 10 year old. I misunderstood and actually thought he was 10 and thought wow my dad is really young!