grown-ups

I used to believe…

Up until I was about 15, my mom would insist that there was a such thing as the 'Mommy Rule Book'. She kept saying that (a few 'rules') we couldn't tickle her even if she tickled us because it was against the 'Mommy Rule Book', couldn't poke her, couldn't do anything to her because it was against it.

I only believed it for a few years but when I was 15, she finally admitted to it.

I used to believe…

This must be prefaced by saying that I am a white girl.

When I was about 5 or 6, my best friend and I were playing in the snow. We had just learned about Martin Luther King Jr. that day in school, and we both thought he was a pretty amazing. My friend announced that when she grew up, she was going to be Martin Luther King Jr.; but I had decided that I was going to be Martin Luther King Jr. We got in a huge, tearful fight about it because I knew there could only be one (splitting the world wasn't an option!) and my mom eventually had to come and take me home.

I used to believe…

My Grandmother used to tell us whacky made up stories all the time. One time when i was a kid she told me she was young and beautiful because she had gotten a face lift. I believed her all my life until five years ago that i brought up the subject and my mother told me it wasnt true.

I used to believe…

My dad is a UPS guy and he leaves in the morning to go to workand when he comes home he bring milk or ice cream. So one day my mom decided to ask my little brother who was about four what dad does when he goes to work. Mom said,"Do you know what daddy does when he goes to work?" He said," He gets milk and ice cream!" That still makes me laugh!

I overheard my mom one day say that if you "slept together" that you needed to get engaged and then get married. I started sobbing because I had crawled in bed with my big brother the night before during a storm and I was convinced that I had to now marry my brother when I got older. I was crushed.

I used to believe…

My dad told me when I was little that he was an accountant, that he did math and worked with numbers. Naturally, I thought he was a 'count' like the count on sesame street. I couldn't understand why he never wore a cape to work.

I used to believe…

my grandmother is the second oldest of six sisters and a brother, and she's a very short woman. several of her younger sisters are a bit taller than her, and my mother is pretty tall. I was also a very tall child. this led me to believe that when getting old, people actually "shrunk", and eventually disappeared. this was a short lived-belief: my uncle was very tall, and I went to his funeral.

I went to pre-school and I believed that after my graduation I would instantly gain all the skills needed to work and make money. The day of graduation from Pre-school I ran to my teacher crying and saying that I didn't know how to be an accountant and I would be homeless.

I used to believe…

My sister and I always thought our grandparents, who are from the Netherlands, actually lived on the moon. Every time we saw the moon we would wave to them. We also thought after visiting, when they flew home, that is where they went. Very wierd...

I knew from a very early age that I was adopted, but my parents always treated it like it was no big deal. So, I assumed that everyone was adopted. When I got to kindergarten, I thought my best friend was a total freak because her mom and dad had given birth to her. Why would anyone keep their own kid??

I used to believe…

when i was little i used to beleive that after i went to bed at night my entire family would gather around in the bathroom to have a meeting without me. during this meeting they would take off their people masks and reveal their alien selves. the ceiling would open up and their flying caucer would lower itself down to them.

I used to believe…

When I was asked by my kindergarten teacher about what I want to grow to be. I said, "well I suppose any communist job is okay with me". I thought opposite of famous was communist. And I really did not want to become a famous person like a politician, scientist, attorney, etc... because they had to complete more years of school.

I thought flying cows came and picked up my cousin by her hair in the early morning and they flew by our windows drinking coffee. I was a guillable(?) child.

I used to believe…

When I was very young, I thought eloping sounded very romantic, and that it always meant sneaking out the window down a ladder. Every time I saw a ladder left against a window, I thought it meant that someone had eloped the night before.

As an adult, I know of several people who eloped, and none of them used a ladder. They just got married without telling anyone until afterwards.

I used to believe…

When I was little Dad worked all day, from eight till seven. When he was home, I didn�t leave his side. Unbeknown to him, I�d listen to his every word- Including all his swearing. One night, he was talking about his boss, Mr. Rickman. He claimed Mr. Rickman had a �stick up his arse.� Dad often went on about people at work who had �stick�s up their arses.� As an impressionable child, I took that literally, and I felt very sorry for all of these people.
A year later, on dad�s birthday, when I was five, Mum took me to his office to surprise him. We crept up to his office stall and Mum whipped out a present. A few of his colleagues started laughing and clapping. They crowded around the stall. I walked behind all of them and said as loudly and matter-of-factly as I could, �Dad, these people don�t have sticks up their arses.� Dad went bright red. He was about to strangle me so I ran off and hid in a bigger office. An older man greeted me and bent down to say hello and introduce himself. A crowd gathered outside the office, waiting to see the reaction. Everything was quiet and in my loud voice I said, �I feel sorry for you.� Mr. Rickman asked why and I responded, �Because that stick up your arse must hurt a lot.� Dad ended up quitting his job!

I used to believe…

When I was in first grade for show and tell I told that we had been to my grandma's house over the weekend. My teacher ask which grandma, mom or dads, I answered, "She's both their mother."

I really thought that she was because both Mom and Dad called her "mom." My mother's mom had died when they were first married so my mom called her MIL "mom."