grown-ups

I used to believe…

When I was 6 years old, my parents (jokingly) told that I had once had an older brother, Charlie. When he brought home a B on his report card they shot him and buried him in the backyard. I made no grade less than an A until my second year of college.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid I once told my my I was very upset that she was white and not black when I was a baby. I thought black kids got chocolate milk from their moms and white kids got white milk. And I wish I had had chocolate milk as a baby.

I used to believe…

Growing up a picky eater, my mother told me if I didn't eat more vegetables and things like that I would be a midget when I "grew-up", as she pointed a little person to me in a supermarket. Needless to say, it freaked me out, but I'm still a picky eater and fully grown.

I used to believe that my mother was really terrible at scraping out the bowl when making a cake. I believed this until I was 27 when I was baking a cake with her and showed her how well I cleaned out the bowl and she revealed her evil secret...she always left a little for me!

I used to believe…

When I was little my family had a silverware set that we ate with every night. It had two sets... little forks and big forks, little spoons and the big serving spoons, etc. Being young and naive I naturally assumed that part of bing an adult was that you had to eat with big silverware. Finally one day, being fed up with my little fork, I proudly told my parents I was tired of little silverware and I took mine back to the drawer and exchanged it for "BIG"silverware. I felt as proud as I could, and my parents just watched me like I was a moron,


I now eat with nothing but big forks!

I used to believe…

My dad used to tell us that the reason the other kids at school had nice clothes instead of hand-me-downs like us, is because we had violin lessons and they didn't. He lied. Actually doctors and lawyers just make WAY more money than pastors.

I used to believe…

Growing up on a farm, just outseide of a small farming town, I never knew that that science could be boring until I got into highschool (grade 7 for our town's highschool). Prior to that, I actually believed that scientists were all crazy inventors and mad-scientist types, as these were the only types of scientists that were ever shown on TV and in movies. Because of that, I always wanted to be a scientist, so's I could create monsters and time machines and cool laser guns and take over the world. It was a big disappointment when I learned that that wasn't what real scientists were like. My school guidance counceler and many of my family members still don't understand why I suddenly gave up on the idea of being a scientist.

I used to believe…

Until I was about 7 or 8, I used to believe that when you got to be 40, you suddenly changed into an old person who had lots of wrinkles, loose skin, flabby arms and legs and grey hair (for women) or was bald (for men), and needed false teeth, glasses, lots of medications, and adult diapers. I also believed that when a guy turned 21, he would suddenly grow a mustash and that it would completely grow back overnight if it was shaved off.

I used to think that you keep growing until you die, so around age 70 or 80 or so, you would become a giant. I was scared to see my Great Grandma, (died in 2001), who was about 90 at the time, because I thought she was a giant However when I saw my Grandma and Grandpa I wasn't scared.

I used to believe…

When I was around 4/5 Years old, I used to beileve that I had another mother. My mom ALWAYS used to talk about her Mom. And what they used to do. So I thought I had another mother, and a dog, and a sister. I used to make up stories about me and my "other mother", and how my "dog" could turn off and on lights.

I was a very ODD child..

I used to believe…

My daughter always wonders how I know that she did something wrong or didn't do something she should do when I wasn't even looking I told her that when a woman becomes a mother they grow an eye in the back of their head. Every once in awhile she will say she can see the eye in the back of my head poking out of my hair!!

I used to think that when you got married someone gave you a baby and you had to name it and you never gave birth to the baby. Then after I understood that that doesn't happen, I believed in the stork. THEN I thought that when old people get "too old", a new stork carries them off to a factory where the give them better bones and new skin and baby fat and then they turn into a baby and another stork carries it off. Then I thought they needed one for a stork, so they had some for storks also.

I used to think that when you got a job you could get combinations of different jobs. So in kindergarten when the teacher asked what I wanted to be, I said "An astronaut artist scientist author actress mom lawyer doctor princess (I used to think you could just be a princess if you wanted to be one) pilot vet dog-walker zoo-keeper waitress!!" And the teacher would say "... interesting.. Billy! What do you want to be when you grow up?" LOL

I used to believe…

When I was a small Child (about 3 or 4) my dad was in the navy. All I knew about the navy was that sailors would go out on ships in the ocean. To me the only thing that made since for them to do was to shoot sharks, since to me sharks were scary and served no purpose at all, other than eat people. So I would imagine my dad out at see on his ship shooting sharks.

I used to believe…

Being one of the younger of nine siblings, the older one's were always tricking us. One favorite one was to say, "it's time to go to the blanket show". I'd say, "yippee.., we're off to a show". Of course there was all, "you've got to be good and go to bed, and then you'll get to go."
It wasn't until my early teens that the penny dropped, that the "blanket show" was them showing me the blankets.

I used to believe…

In my earliest memories, I assumed that I would always remain little and have my mother and father (who had always been big, I assumed) taking care of me. I assumed that my sister (who is six years older than I) always had been and always would be intermediate in size between me and my parents.

I used to believe…

When I was little and I would go to a wedding, I just couldn't understand the part where they talked about the "Awfully" wedded wife. If she was so awful, why was he marrying her anyway?