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So my mum has just had my baby sister. Right. Now, have you ever seen the cliché story in like, EVERY kid's TV show with the whole, "Now my parents have a baby they won't care about me any more"? Yeah, I kinda thought you had to do that(you can see where this is going). Cue me crying in Reception (age of 4, about 1st Grade to all you Yanks) at my school.
Thanks alot, Tweenies.
When I was a kid I had a toy plastic Gumby. My Dad always pretended he was going to eat him and eventually I stopped believing him. Well once he told me he ate him and I told him I know he didn't and he opened his mouth and I saw green stuff smeared all over his teeth. I burst out crying and didn't stop for 30 minutes! He had smeared a green crayon all over his teeth.
When I was really young my 16-year old sister used to tell me she could shrink me to the size of an ant anytime she wanted and that she would then step on me and that she had a brother once before who she did it to. I was terrified and tried to think of ways I would survive if I was ever shrunk that small.
When I was a kid, for some reason, my evil Satan's child brother took it upon himself to teach me my colors. Red was red - apples were red, and so on and so forth. However, he told me that "green" was orange and "orange" was green (and I never quite figured out why oranges weren't called greens.) In first grade, my teacher asked us to do a color-by-numbers picture, and kept me in at recess because I'd done it wrong. Finally, she figured it out and said, "Betty... Can you get me a green crayon?" I still to this day confuse green and orange.
When i was younger i used to believe that my real mom was locked up in a closest, and that the "mom" i had was a secret agent trying to brainwash me and my brother because she was too mean to be a real mom.
when I was younger I was convinced my mother had eyes in the back of her head, and could even see through walls. Once I was in the living room, which can't really be seen from the kitchen, and I decided to test it out. I was practicing my fake karate moves, which I thought I was excellent at, and I called out to her to see if she knew what I was doing. She yelled back that I was doing karate, and I was absolutely shocked. I didn't mess with her from then on, because she obviously had killer X-ray vision.
When I was a little girl I truly believed that my father had magic powers and could control the traffic lights because whenever we were in town and stopped at a light he would waggle his fingers and say "Annnnnnnd you're green!" Viola! The light would change and off we'd go. For the longest time I thought my dad had this awesome ability to control the lights.
When I was young I thought that grownups spoke a different language to each other when they were alone, and possibly one learns this language in big-boy school.
I used to believe that my mom had eyes everywhere, one time some kids beat me up on the courts and when I got home she knew.....It was just one little fight but she got scared and said I was moving with my aunty and uncle in bel air.....
When i was 5 years old i used to think that family time meant that you were timed when you were with your family.
A young lady called Sue once told me that when she was a little girl, she believed that grown-ups couldn't run - for the obvious reason that she had never seen any of them running. One day, she gave cheek to her father, then ran away, supremely confident that he would never be able to run after her. That was the day she was disabused of that delusion.
When I was younger before I could read, my mom would consult the "Mother's Book"- a dictionary in our house for any information concerning raising kids. It went something like this, "Mom, Can I stay up until 10pm?" "Well, I'll consult the Mother's Book. I'm sorry, it says right here that you can't stay up until 10pm on a school night." It wasn't until I was older and could read that I realized that it was a regular book.
I used to believe my dad knew the answers to all questions and solutions to all problems. This gave me a very comforting feeling. At the same time, I was afraid to ask him for a solution when a problem occurred (e.g. should I use the stinging desinfectant on my skinned knee or just let the blood run and do nothing?)
When I was little, my parents told me that my dad was "a full-blooded Danish man." My picture of this was that he was like a water baloon just filled with blood, and if he were to be pricked, he'd just explode.
I used to believe the song "Over the River and Through the Woods" (to grandmother's house we go!) was about MY family going to visit MY grandmother, as she did indeed live over the river and through the woods. We always sang this song on our way to visit her and so I thought that my parents had made up this song for my brother and I. Imagine my extreme shock when one day I heard this song being sung on a television show!!!
During the early nineties when when John Major was the Prime Minister, I used to see him on telly a lot. He was (and still is) a tall man with grey hair, wears sensible clothes, has a sensible haircut and wears glasses.
About that time, my father used to work away in France and Germany being away most of the week. My father is a tall man with grey hair, wears sensible clothes, has a sensible haircut and wears glasses.
I believed that they were one and the same man. I never felt it was necessary to mention this to my mother.
I now realise that one was a member of the conservative party and had an affair with Edwina Currie. The other was an alcoholic Scotsman.
I returned from a visit to my grandparents when I was 7, and my family came to pick me up from the airport. My dad had shaved off his beard and mustache and cut his hair short, but nobody had told me. I thought my mom had a new boyfriend! It was about three hours before someone called him by name and I relaxed and believed it was really my dad after all.
I learned about building card houses, and I wanted to impress my dad, so I asked if he knew about them. He said, "I *invented* card houses!" and then built one. I took him literally and thought about it all the time. I wondered why he wasn't rich or famous and why we hadn't studied him in school.
When I was about 3 or so, I had a general understanding of what the word "law" meant, but I had never heard the term "in-laws." One day I overheard my mom on the phone with her friend explaining that I was going to spend the afternoon with her in-laws. I thought that she was going to take me to a police station or courthouse instead of driving me over to my grandparents like we had planned. She had me pretty scared for a little while!
I use to think grandparents came in sizes. As in first you became a mini-grandparent then "grew" to full size agrandparent.