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I honestly thought that stepping on a crack in the sidewalk would hurt my mother. Step on a crack, break your mothers back. I hated her, so I would step on the cracks on purpose and wonder why it wasn't working.
I used to stop myself from thinking about anything I didn't want my parents to hear when I was in a room with them because I thought they could listen in on all of my thoughts.
When I was about 3, I thought my 1 year old brother was a girl because A: I couldn't see his penis, and B: I thought every family had to have at least 1 boy and 1 girl for children.
when i was young before christmas my parents would phone my grand parents claiming they were santa so that we would tell them what we wanted. i had always wondered how grandma and grandpa knew what i wanted.
My dad used to tell me he had seen every episode of Road Runner, and would prove it by telling me what would happen. Even when he messed up, he claimed he was just getting the episodes mixed up. I believed him until I was a teenager.
When I was little my grandma convinced me there was a guy who lives in their refrigerator who crushed their ice, I would drink anything their because my mommy told me germs were icky.
When I was little my mom didn't allow me to participate in Halloween activities (she was very religious at the time). So every Halloween when people would come dressed up to the door I thought that they were really actual vampires, monsters, etc. and it would scare the living hell out of me. Every time I heard a knock or the doorbell ring I would run and hide in my closet so that they couldn't get me.
When I was young, my mom told me that I dropped from a mango tree that grew in the neighbour's back yard and if I went to the back yard that the neighbour would take me back. I never went to the back yard or spoke to the neighbour alone until I was eight years old that is when I found out that I was born in the hospital and the neighbour thought I was sooo cute and wanted to adopt me because he knew my grandparents.
When I was in elementary school, my family lived near a town called Carpentersville. One day I asked my mom what my uncle did for a living, and she said he was a carpenter. I spent years convinced that since he was a carpenter, my uncle (along with all the other carpenters in the world) lived in Carpentersville. As it turns out, he never even lived anywhere near that town, though even now I still catch myself thinking he used to live there!
When i was younger my Grandma convinced me that there was a left and right sock. It took me forever to put on socks til i was about 12
When my mom tried to explain "times tables" in math, I couldn't understand what an actual table had to do with anything. Math went downhill from there!
When I was about four or five years old, my older brother told me (in earnestness) that the Mona Lisa was the only painting in the world that was colored inside the lines, and that's why it was so famous. I believed him for quite a long time.
When my sister and I were young, our dad convinced us that there were little elves in EVERYTHING that made everything run. For instance: there were elves in the vending machines that pushed the snacks out, and in the pencil sharpener with little axes. He even got us to say goodnight to them every night before we went to bed.
When my mom went to work, I used to go in the backyard and yell for her thinking she could hear me when she was in a whole other town and miles away from me. I told her that and she just laughed and said she would have never heard me.
When I was little, my mom would always correct my grammar and I would argue with her about it. She would always respond with "I know what I'm talking about, I was an English major." Of course, she meant that she had majored in English in college, but at the time I thought that she was claiming to have been a Major in the English army.
My mom used to think it was funny to tell my sisters and myself random bits of nonsense. She convinced my that a certain candy bar was only for adults, to keep me from begging. I legitimately was scared to try it until I was about 11 or 12. She also convinced my 3 year-old sister that eating the colored eggs on Easter would give her chicken pox. I have never seen my sister eat eggs on Easter, and she's 16.
When I was little, the only TV shows my parents ever watched were Seinfeld and Roseanne. I had no interest in Seinfeld, but the angry, constantly-shrieking-about-nothing Roseanne Barr intrigued me. After an unhealthy amount of exposure to the show combined with my own family experiences, I began to believe that all fathers' names were "Dan," since my own dad's name is Dan, and John Goodman's character on the show shares this name. The total lack of exposure I had to the first names of other fathers (who talks about that when they're little anyway?) led me to believe this odd little mistake for an embarrassing number of years.
I used to believe that if I didn't use up a pencil within the week that I had first sharpened it, it would grow back into a tree. Needless to say, my mom was very angry when she had to buy new pancils all the time!
Mom and I lived in a very small house, dead of winter. I wanted to play "Hide and Seek" and she didn't want to go outside. I was 3, so she told me that if I covered my eyes, no one could see me. Hide and Seek game was on! I was so gullible (aren't we all at that age?). That then led to her telling me that if I covered my ears and screamed, no one could hear me and the funniest one... If I plugged my nose and farted no one could smell it.
Well, a couple of years went by and I was playing Hide and Seek with a cousin, so picture this... a 6 year old standing out in the middle of the yard with her eyes closed tight. Needless to say I got tagged, and got very mad.... she cheated!
I use to believe my dad was the tallest man in the world. When I saw other guys taller than my own dad, I was confused. I didn't know whther he was still taller than them or not.