While groing up, my dad told me I had previously been a dog. He took me to the doctor, he ave me a shot and I became a little boy. The messed up thing about it was, I am adopted. So when he told this story to a 5 year old, I really believed it! I think I was around 8 when I learned the truth. I still want to smack my dad in the back of the head to this day...
When my adult son was young, he would never open the front door for me unless I could prove that I wasn't wearing a mask that looked identical to his Mum!
I used to think that when I was in the bathroom my parents would take off their skin and just sit around as skelletons. This only slightly disturbed me, but never affected how long I stayed in there. I also never considered how they knew when I was about to come out and to put their skin back on. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who had similar thoughts
When my mom needed to stop at a store, my dad would just let her go in and we would all wait in the car. My dad hated the fact that we were always really loud, so he told us that all the people walking around were actually bears in people costumes, and if we weren't totally quiet, the bears would come eat us. Of course while we are in the back covering our mouths, being dead silent...my dad was sleeping.
My dad told me and my siblings that we were only three inches when we were born and we used to ride around in his front pocket.
I feel really stupid now.....but when I was in the second grade, my mom had been in the hospital so many times and came home with a baby every time. This time my father was in the hospital and I thought for sure he was going to bring home yet another baby.
When I was very young, my Dad was in the Navy. Naturally I spent a good deal of time asking where my Daddy was. My mother put a big picture of him onthe coffee table, so I could see him all the time, and told me "This is your Daddy." When my dad finally returned from his cruise, and we met him at the docks, I refused to talk to him, saying only "This isn't MY daddy. MY daddy's at home, on the coffee table." I believe that the picture itself was my dad.
my brother and sister (6 and 7 years older than I) convinced me at age 5 that I was an insta-baby. they said that mom had gone to Brookshires (a local grocery store) and gotten me out of the gumball machine. They went into great detail telling me how she put me in the bathtub and added water to make me. Then they told me that she had forgotten to add water to the insta-brain and it fell out. Needless to say, they told me that I would never know as much as them because I had no brain. Being the impressionable child I was, I used to say " It's not my fault! I don't have a brain! Carrie and Rick told me!"
Whenever my mom would use the phrase "I'm not telling you again..." I thought it meant she was giving up and I had won.
I used to believe that cousins had to be the same gender and age as you, to really be your cousin. This was because, coincidentally, our cousins were. (maybe our parents were competing??!!)I remember having a very heated argument with my friend when I was about 8, who told me her cousin, aged 3 was coming to stay. I told her her parents had lied about her being her cousin, and that she was just an imposter, probably not even related.
When I was younger my parents would sometimes go out on weekdays, and our older brother would babysit us. To compensate for leaving us alone, my parents would allow us to sleep in their bed. Every time they went out, I thought they would die in a car accident and we'd be left all alone. I would cry my eyes out, covering my face in my Mom's pyjamas, trying to comfort myself with her smell. I would literally cry myself to sleep. Then, later on I would wake up in my own bed, and I'd be relieved, because that meant my dad had carried me to my bed and they were back home. Safe.
One of my paranoid childhood delusions was to convince myself that my parents were actually spies from another country, and I wasn't their son at all. After all, why would they send me to bed at night and then stay awake themselves? I remember pressing my ear to the floor in my upstairs bedroom, trying to figure out if they were speaking Italian.
I think I am a relatively normal adult, but when I was five I used to believe that the goal of parents was to kill their kids. I remember once that I interrupted my father and he put his hand around my neck to quiet me down. I remember thinking, "okay this is it." Eventually, he let go and I thought to myself, "well, he won't do it now, there would be too many witnesses."
When I was younger my 2 best friends would always have to leave on the weekends to go visit thier dads because they were divorced. So I would have no one to play with each weekend. I thought that when they left on the weekends they all went to a sort of divorced fathers neighboor where there were tons of other kids to play with. So I kept asking my parents to get a divorce like every week. I'm glad they never did!
When I was younger I thought that one day my family was going to shrink down and we would have to live in my doll house. I would tie ropes down it so we could climb in and store food and water in it waiting for the day when we shrink.
I believed that since my grandparents retired and built a house in Florida, they were very rich. In fact, they even had their initials engraved on the water faucet handles..."H"(Herb) and "C"(Clara).
I used to believe that the stretch marks on my dad's stomach were really the result of his fight with bears, which he won of course.
I went to an elementary school that was literally across the street from my house. There was a window on the first floor from which you could see the schoolyard. I was convinced that whenever I was out eating lunch in the yard, my mother was watching me. So whenever friends offered me fattening snacks or encouraged me to do something Mom wouldn't approve of, I gave a scared glance over to my house and said no - all because I thought my mom had nothing better to do all day than sit in the front window and watch my every move.
When I was little, I used to believe that my mom was the real life Snow White from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" because she had short black hair and pale skin. Then I came to the conclusion that since my mom was Snow White, my dad must be Prince Charming. I got some pretty weird looks from people when I told them this. I thought I was so special....
Everytime I went to see my Nana, when i was younger, she would give me 50p. For some reason, I used to believe that she made 50p coins in her shed, for the Prime Minister. For years, I always used to try and look through the shed windows, for the "50p machine".