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I used to ask my dad why he could tell me to do things, and he always told me it was because he is older than me, to which I responded "Just you wait until I'm older than you!"
I used to think that people were either born adults or kids and you were paired up with and adult who takes care of you.
I remember that when I was little whenever I got in trouble my mom would tell me that she kept my reciept from the hospital and that she was going to return me for another baby if I didn't behave.
I used to believe that my mother didn't sleep and that she was a super hero!
When I was about 5, my dad told me and my cousins that the grease that allowed the van door to slide open was whale poop and we shouldn't touch it.
I used to believe that my parents' names were just mom and dad, i had no idea they had real first names until i found my mom's driver license which said "Lucy" on it, and i asked my mom what that means and she said it's her first name, I didn't believe her because I thought her name was just "mom"!
My parents had this heart-shaped plastic picture frame. They never put their own picture in it, so it still had the picture of a little girl that came in it. They thought it was funny to tell me that little girl was their first daughter, Debbie, who they got rid of because she was bad.
Needless to say, I was very well-behaved.
When I was 11, I used to believe that the way to tell how old your friend's mother was, was to add up the ages of all her children and add that figure to 25 (all mothers had their first child at 25). I was so confused because some of these mothers (by my warped logic) were 36 (if they had one child) and some were almost 100 years old (if they had loads of kids). I could not work out how my best friend's mother still looked 25, but by my own special system was actually 92.
I used to believe that an aunt twice removed meant that she had married into the family, then gotten divorced and then married someone else and gotten divorced again (removed from the family twice, ya know?)
When I was a little girl my dad told me that it wasn't 'air' in the bubbles of bubble wrap, but actually a very poisonous gas. He said if I continued to pop the bubbles, I would destroy the ozone layer and contaminate the oxygen in the world, thus killing the entire world population. It was only a few years ago that I realized he just hated the "popping" sounds and that it actually oxygen in the bubbles.
When I was about 7 or 8, my older brother told me that I was a robot and I wasn't really his little sister. He told me that my real family (the fridge, the toaster, etc...) only stayed at his house so if they got thrown out, so would I. Since I thought he was lying, I asked him "If I'm a robot, why do I bleed?" because I didn't think robots had blood. He said that my blood was really ketchup. AND I BELIEVED HIM. For the longest time I was afraid that I would get kicked out of the house if one of the appliances broke.
On a career day, when I still thought my parents were robots, I brought my dad (toaster) and explained that my family, though cold on the outside, were really very nice robots.
I confused my teacher once, when I told her that I wasn't bleeding, I was “ketchuping”.
when I was younger I was convinced my mother had eyes in the back of her head, and could even see through walls. Once I was in the living room, which can't really be seen from the kitchen, and I decided to test it out. I was practicing my fake karate moves, which I thought I was excellent at, and I called out to her to see if she knew what I was doing. She yelled back that I was doing karate, and I was absolutely shocked. I didn't mess with her from then on, because she obviously had killer X-ray vision.
When I was about four or five years old, my older brother told me (in earnestness) that the Mona Lisa was the only painting in the world that was colored inside the lines, and that's why it was so famous. I believed him for quite a long time.
When I was very young, my grandfather would sit me on his knee and he would let
me eat the wooden matches he'd burnt to smoke from his pipe. He had me totally
convinced that the burnt sulphur was good for you to the point that, I still freak
people out to this day by eating burnt wooden matches.
A friend told me of how her older sister covinced her that she was adopted by the family - to provide spare parts for the other members!!
i used to believe that when kids weren't adopted within a couple weeks, they were put to sleep, just like at the pound! i BEGGED my parents to adopt me some siblings.
When i was little i thought whenever my mom was acting weird it was an alien pretending to be my mom so everytime my mom acted weird i started pulling at her face trying to take the alien's mask off. eventually my mom and i made up a secret code so i wouldn't think she was an alien.
...i had issues?
i used to believe that my parents were really kidnappers. I believed that they had kidnapped me from my real family back in Denmark. I also believed that they, my parents, had taken me to Canada in order to hide and keep me safe from some sort of harm.
I used to wonder if my family were really aliens in disguise. I can remember riding in the backseat of the car with my older brother, and I actually pulled his hair to see if I could get his mask off. I got in trouble.
I used to believe that when I went to sleep at night, my parents hid in the hallway plotting to kill me. I trusted my stuffed cat to protect me and knew he had done his job every night when he was on the floor in the morning and had been in my arms at bedtime.