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When I was a kid, for some reason, my evil Satan's child brother took it upon himself to teach me my colors. Red was red - apples were red, and so on and so forth. However, he told me that "green" was orange and "orange" was green (and I never quite figured out why oranges weren't called greens.) In first grade, my teacher asked us to do a color-by-numbers picture, and kept me in at recess because I'd done it wrong. Finally, she figured it out and said, "Betty... Can you get me a green crayon?" I still to this day confuse green and orange.
When i was little my grandma told me that if u didnt wash your ears properly then Roses would grow out of them.
So naturally I didnt wash my ears (ew) and tried to wash my hair without getting my ears wet.
about two weeks later my sister reminded me that roses has thorns after i boasted to her that i was going to have flowers in my ears.
I have never scrubbed my ears so hard in my life...
My college-age cousin babysat us when I was about 4 and 5. He played sports and one time he told , "you had to be stupid to live in Wisconsin." I looked up to this cousin since my parents commented frequently about how smart he was. I believed it for several years until my first grade teacher told us she grew up in Wisconsin. When I said I didn't know stupid people could be teachers I got sent to the principal's office.
When I was little I used to think that my uncle lived in a bus shelter.
My mother used to spit at us before any major childhood event for good luck. Off we would trot to sports day and mum would launch a big greeny at our backs. Neighbours would stare and friends would laugh but the worst humiliation came when she would drop us off at school then launch one through the open window of the car. Even now at the tender age of 38 when I visit home to play golf with my dad and brothers she tends to gob at us from the doorstep. She does claim this to be a Danish custom but that doesn't fool me anymore. I was gullible enough to beleive the funny sounding Danish words she would use if she stubbed her toe, did translate into "Oh Damn" but not any more. Wash your mouth out with soap mum!
My Mum didn't work when my brother and I were little, and at age 5 I imagined that once she'd dropped us off at school in the mornings, she then went home to sit and watch telly all day. (As I probably would have done all day if I'd been allowed to.) I was really envious and couldn't wait to be big enough to be able to just play the whole day long and not have to go to school. Didn't realise that after school comes work and also did not even consider who tidied, shopped, cleaned and worked indoors to keep the house in order. I just thought that Mum only did anything at the weekends when we were there to see her doing it. Sorry, Mum.
When I was 5 or so my dad told me that Indians are the people who "were here before us." I figured out that that meant my family had not always been "here." Later, I asked my mom where we were before now. She misunderstood me and said "We were always here." From that I guessed that in the past my family had been Indians, and had just spontaneously turned Irish at some point before my parents were born.
When I was 6, my aunt got remarried to a guy who had two kids. At the wedding, my mom introduced me to the kids, and told me they would be my step-cousins. I instantly thought that my aunt and her new husband were going to make them live on the front steps to the house. This upset me a great deal, as I wouldnt want to live on the front steps, so I asked my mom if they could live with us. She said they couldnt, and for a long time, I felt terribly sad every time I thought about them.
I used to believe my grandfather was the Scourge of the Seven Seas!
My father would tell me tales of his father's great adventures as a pirate; my grandfather was an amputee, and he had a "wooden leg," lending massive credibility (I was maybe 4) to these stories. One day, my grandfather had a gift for me: a bag of golden coins. Even after I discovered that they were chocolates I thought "wow, he *really is* a pirate!"
My husband used to tell his two kids that children who were bad were taken to a factory and turned into poo. One day when they were acting up in the car he turned into an industrial area and pointed out a building claiming that was the poo factory. The boys quit acting up after that!
When I was about two years old, my great-grandpa, who had lost a thumb, told me that my great-grandma bit it off. I wouldn't go near her for two years and she hated my great-grandpa for telling me that!
I used to believe that my mom could divorce me if I was bad.It used to really upset me.
I used to believe that my parents weren't my real parents, but were instead imposters wearing masks. Therefore, every once in a while I would try and catch them out pulling at their noses to try and remove the masks. They initially found this behaviour cute, but after a while my dad got really annoyed about it and would yell at me whenever I did it.... thus re-enforcing my belief.
When I was a young, only child, and jealous that all my friends had brothers and sisters, my mum told me I did have a brother, but he was a monkey in a zoo.
I believed this until I was about 7!
For the longest time, I thought that my Great Grandma was actually my Grape Grandma, because whenever I saw her she was usually wearing purple.
When I was little, my dad would blow my lights out before I went to bed, as if you blew candles out. It took me a long time to realize he just switched the flip at the same time.
I went to a Catholic school for elementary school. When I was about eight, we were learning about the Ten Commandments, and since they naturally glossed over the definition of "adultery," I just thought it meant looking at a man or woman who wasn't your husband or wife. That night, while my dad and I were out for dinner, he mentioned that a woman on a magazine cover looked pretty. Very loudly, I told my dad, "Daddy, thou shalt not commit adultery." The whole restaurant turned to stare at us. I don't think I've ever seen my dad so red.
A neighbor down the street has his car repossessed. We told my younger brother that mom and dad had not paid the doctor bills for his birth and they would soon be coming to reposes him.
I use to believe that my Daddy was the biggest man on earth! I thought he was 9 feet tall. I thought he was the only still living gaint.
Well, sometimes my mom would act a bit cranky every month for some reason, and it was usually my dad who was so cranky (this doesn't mean that he's bad father, please don't take it this way!) so I believed that sometimes my father and mother would trade bodies. So that my mother was actually my father, and that my father was actually my mother.