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I used to believe all parents were named Mike and Carol. My parents had the same names as the parents on the Brady Bunch.
When I was about 6 I remember my brother coming home from school in a lot of trouble. It was St. Patricks day and my mother always had us wear a orange clover on our shirts. She explained to him that its because our ancestors were protestant. Well apparently he didnt understand what that meant...his teacher called and was telling my mother what he shared with the class when asked why he was wearing an orange clover. He told the class "I wear orange because all of my aunts are prostitutes"
I suppose there was some confusion...
Ironically my parents were born on the same day; so growing up, I thought all parents had the same birthdays.
One day when I was talking to my older sisters, I asked what the word "mechanism" meant. They both stared at me very seriously and said how it was a very bad swear-word. I was horrified! For days, they threatened to tell my mom and dad i had used the word if i ever annoyed or bothered them.
When I was little my sister told me that parents had eyes on the back of their heads, so they knew every time we did something wrong. I look for those eyes for years and never found them. Some how i still believed her...
I used to believe my sister was an Alien Princess, who would be taken away from us if she was made to do housework. It took 4 years of doing her chores before I cottoned on
I was terrified of the idea of having children because I was under the impression that you literally had to teach them everything the way a teacher teaches things. Like you 'd have to sit them down and teach them every single word in the dictionary. I thought it would take years and years to do this. It wasn't until I expressed this fear to my mother that she calmed me down explained that children learn language simply by hearing it and being spoken to. This was a big relief.
When I was a toddler my Dad was trying to explain to me what evolution was...he told me 'We used to all be monkeys'...from that moment on I believed that my whole family and I had once lived as gorillas in the jungle, and couldnt imagine how I didnt remember that part of my life!!
My parents used to tell my sister and I that they were going to "sell us to the gypsies" if we did not be quiet in the car. I thought gypsies at the time were friends of Ronald McDonald (like hamburgler) and never understood why that was so threatening. Needless to say it didn't make us any more quiet.
When I was young I asked my uncle ( actually just a mate of my dad, but I didn't know that then ) why he was bald. He told me it was because he drove a converitble. ( he had a red MG ). I don't remember how old I was when I was told this, but I was in my mid twenties when I found out it was TOTAL CRAP ! ! ! Sooooo embarrased.
My Dad loves doing impersonations, and one of his favourites is 'the chinese man'. My brother--who had the blondest hair and bluest eyes you've ever seen--was so convinved that our dad was Chinese that he told his first grade class so when they were discussing different nationalities. When the teacher told my parents about it as an example of how troublesome he was, they were in hysterics... but apparently the teacher wasn't impressed.
I thought that my parents chose my cousins, and was upset when my mother wouldn't let me add one.
My mum and dad split up when I was four. Later I thought this was because they wanted to give me and my brother two Christmases and two birthdays every year because we lived with our mum and our dad came to see us on another day every week. It made me love them both even more! It was quite disappointing when my mum told me that it was 'just one of those things', but it was still great having two birthdays and two Christmases.
I used to believe that the number of people in your family dictate how many fingers you had. Since there were five of us, I rationalized that's why I had five fingers.
When i was a kid my mum told me that i was an accident so in my lil child mind i thought that there was an accident as in car accident and that i was born in it
I had a single mum and she never had a boyfriend when i was younger. and since her wardrobe and chest of drawers were the only places i never went in i figured out that must be where she kept my dad. unconnectedly she had won a bottle of whisky and not drinking the stuff she put it in a box under her bed where i wouldn't find it and drink it (yeah i was the kind of child that didn't think before eating/drinking things. such as the bottle of calpol mum left in the fridge) so i told everyone that mum knew that she kept men in the cupboards and whisky under her bed but to not tell anyone since it was a secret and mum was mortified.
When I was about 3 or 4 I, for some reason, had it in my mind that patients were like points that you lost when ever you got angry. But I also believed that they were something that you could buy at the super-market. So whenever my Mom got mad and said "I'm losing my patients" I would calmly tell her that she needed to go buy some more.
I used to believe that the term "being grounded" actually meant that your parents would dig a hole/ underground house in your backyard and make you live underground for a week.
i used to believe that the mom and dad i saw sleeping in bed weren't actually mom and dad, they were mom and dad robots. grown-ups never actually slept, they went and lived their second life with their other family while their kids were asleep. they had a second job and everything.
When I was little I used to race my dad all the time. He was so much faster than me it blew my mind. I was convinced he was the fastest man in the world.