workShow most recent or highest rated first. Common beliefs in this section include:
- Firemen start fires.
- Getting fired means being set on fire.
- You can be literally anything you want - animal, vegetable or mineral
When I was younger a new neighbor moved in next door. My mom told me one day that she was a "head hunter". I spent the next few years scared to death of this woman, afraid that every night she would sneak into my room and steal my head. It wasn't until much later that I learned "head hunters" actually found jobs for people.
One Halloween, when I was about 7, my Dad dressed up in his old Navy uniform and my Mom dressed up a "girl that dates sailors." When the neighbors came over dressed the same, they told me that they were all dressed up as sailors and hookers. So for about 4 or 5 years, I thought that hookers were just girls that liked to date sailors...
When you got fired, a document stating that you somehow work there was burned somehow, like in the fireplace.Once that document was burned, you couldn,t work there no more.
About 6 years ago, i saw a commercial for mydiscountbroker.com. It had a pretty catchy song thingy so i remembered it (and hummed it upon occasion). When discussing what i wanted to be when i grew up, i mentioned to my mom the occupation of a "discount broker". My mom looked very puzzled and tried to find out from me what it was. I said "you know, like peter, a discount broker". Peter is my family's stock broker, so my mom understood, and she burst out laughing when she realized i thought that he was a "discount broker" and laughed even harder when i told her about the commercial...
I used to think that all bosses were mean and terrible. I remember asking my mom if her boss was nice or not. Cartoons always portray bosses as really mean, so that's what I assumed.
When I wos littler I used to believe that God chose the job for you
I used to think that blow-jobs happened when you got fired from a job
When I was very young I wanted to be an astronaut. My hopes were dashed when I read some description of space travel that mentioned that a Saturn V rocket cost over a million dollars to build.
Oh no, I thought. I would never be able to afford that.
When my sister was in first grade, all the kids had to write down what they wanted to be for the yearbook....my sister wanted to be an old farmer woman
When I was four I saw a group of nuns and told my grandma...look there's a bunch of brides with raincoats on.
When I was young, I thought that *every* restaurant had professional chefs working there, making all the food from scratch. I was pretty surprised when I realized that just about anyone could be hired as a 'cook'.
I used to watch my mother sew. I didn't know about the foot pedal that made the needle move, and she told me it was magic. When I didn't believe her at first, she would wave her fingers at it and say, "Go!" and it would. I had no alternative but to believe her.
I used to think that when my mom talked about her salary, she really said celery. Whenever she got paid, I asked her if she was going to share her salad.
I once overheard my grandfather telling my mother about a few guys that he used to work with who were fired, but he used the word 'canned'. I thought canned meant killed.
My dad is a solicitor but when I was little I asked my mum what my dad's job was and she said he was a 'silly cheater'. For years I thought that's what he did for a living.. well my mum was kinda right I suppose...
I was watching a breakfast show once when I was about 6 and they mentioned the word prostitute..I asked my mum "Whats a prostitute?" and she replied "Its somebody who sells their body" To this day I remember the confusion I felt as I pictured a market stall with people laying out on stands etc selling there body i couldnt work it out ..i mean why would they do that? Wow i really dont wanna be poor when i am older...
I used to think that the phrase "Why don't you get a day job" ment actually "why don't you get a job that gives you employment during the day?"
So when my dad, who was working night-shift at the time, was grumbling about working at night,
I asked him Why don't you get a day job?
He started laughing...
I now no what that phrase means
When I was younger...I used to think that you had to pay to get a job. Imagine if that were true. Half of us will be unemployed today.
When my little brother was younger he had large tonsils which caused him to choke a couple of times. Everytime he would choke we would call 911 and the paramedics and firemen would show up. Two times that this happened he choked on hot dogs. So everytime he saw a fire engine or an ambulance with their lights on he would scream out Hey somebody must have choked on a weeny. I'm glad he finally got over that one and figured out what they were really for but it took him a few years. It was hilarious.
My dad was in the army and I heard them marching and shouting as they went "Left! Left! Left! Right! Left!" I wanted to emulate him but I though you had to take three steps with your left and one giant step with your right leg. I thought being in the army would be soooo hard. It wasn't until 6th grade that I finally figured that it was just to keep timing. Hmmm.