grown-ups: work

I used to think that "moonlighting" was being a private detective, just like Cybil Shepard's TV series. Once, my mom and I bumped into one of my teachers at a department store (which, btw, I thought was impossible because teachers didn't have personal lives. I figured that in their free time, they sat at home and read books.), and when I asked my mom what she was doing there, she said that she thought she was moonlighting. My mom also told me to be quiet about it because my teacher could get into trouble if people at school found out (although, at this age, I don't think that qualified as violating a noncompetition agreement). I immediately translated this into her being a private detective, plus the fact that I was supposed to keep it hush-hush, so the next day I ran into school and told all my little friends that our teacher was a spy!

When my mom used to say dad went to work to get money, I imagined my dad standing at this large counter filling out checks
and stuff like that.

My cousin lives on a farm, however her parents are not farmers, that side of the business is looked after by employees. When she was little, she came home from school upset. Her parents asked what was wrong. She exclaimed to her father and mother -

"You're not a *real* farmer, and you're not a farmer's wife!"

She believed that they should look like what you see in story books, gumboots, pitchforks, aprons, and pies cooling on windowsills.

Whenever I asked my father what he did at work, he always responded "I make money." (He was an insurance claims adjuster, so I can see why he couldn't explain that to a 4 year old!). However, I pictured him going to a factory and actually printing money to take home and spend. We were lucky no one ever turned him in for counterfeiting, since that's basically what I told everyone my dad did!

When I was a little kid, I went with my mom to the paint store and was fascinated by all the different colors of paint samples, each with their own mysteriously descriptive name. I asked Mom where they got the names for all these colors, and she replied that it was somebody's job. I was elated to find my future profession! I would be a color-namer.
This would of course be the GREATEST job in the world, but as of yet I haven't found any available positions.

I thought that Doctors never got sick and that's why they could cure other people. My godfather was a Doctor and I always admired him for that ability. I grew up wanting to be a Doctor myself, which I eventually became ... and funny as it may seem, I treat sick patients every day, but I hardly ever get sick!

When I heard my own heart beating in my ears as I laid in bed, I tho't it was the sound of my father's footsteps coming in from his second shift job.

My mother used to refer to one's bowel movements as "business"; e.g. "Hurry up on the toilet, I've got to do some business." Therefore, I drew the natural conclusion that when my uncle "went to Hong Kong on business" that he actually slid there on a turd.

Nice.

I wanted to be a fireman when I was around the age of... 5 or 6, I guess. My 2 years younger sister objected; Then I couldn't be the uncle of her children!

When I'd ask my dad what he did at work, he'd say he "made money." So for a long time, I thought he carved out Lincoln's head on the pennies and used a machine to cut up the dollar bills.

I didn't undrestand why my mother would say that something was too expensive. When you need money you go to the bank and pick some up, right? Right? RIGHT?
Later I decided that the best work was probably being a cashier at a grocery store, I assumed they got to take the money they collected as payment for food home at the end of the day.

When I was little I use to think that my mom was just lying about going to work everyday, because I "knew" that someone couldn't work ALL day long. So on my way to and from school I would check and see if she was playing at the park by our house because I thought the whole idea of work was a lie, and she was just having fun with out me while I had to go to school.

No one ever talked about their jobs when I was growing up, they all just went to work. So I figured "work" was just a place everyone went during the day, with gray coveralls and lunchboxes. I figured the milkman and the mailman never went to work because I saw them every day. Ditto my kindergarten teacher and Huntley/Brinkley.

One of my best friends used to believe that my father was a privite investigator. Why? He had a handgun, of course. (It was an old six-shooter, kept in a display case.)

My son had a belief that as soon as you owned shares, you automatically got your own desk and office and you'd be right for life! If only he knew then what he knows now!

When my mom told me that I was born abroad because my father was posted to another country and that he had worked at the Canadian embassy there, I told everyone that my father was an ambassador. (My father was an office clerk). I thought that all people who worked at an embassy were ambassadors. My mother tried to set me straight, but I didn't really believe her. To me, my father was an ambassador!