language

I used to make up jokes when I was very young, that were really stupid but for some reason i thought were hilarious. My favorite went like this:

Q: Why did the fish go into the oven?
A: Because it was wearing sunscreen!

(I know, I know...)

I cheerfully told the kid down the street "Good Riddance," when they moved away,thinking in all honesty that it was something people said to each other in a good bye. My other friends mother was furious at me and would not allow me to spend time with him anymore. She didn't explain why to me eiether. I was fearful to ever say it to anyone for many years.

I used to believe…

My parents were fairly tollerant about me watching TV programmes for a slightly older audience. My brother got me addicted to South Park at around age 8. My brother always told me, "NEVER repeat the words you hear on South Park or mum and dad will abandon you." I haven't sworn since, and frequently tell people not to do so, even though I am fully aware that my parents aren't so heartless.

I used to believe…

Ounce in kindergarten i put a marker cap in my mouth and blew really hard and it flew out and it hit someone in the head my teacher asked me if i did it on purpose or accident at the time i had NO idea what it meant and i didnt want to ask because they would think im a moron so i thought it meant cities or towns so i chose purpose because it sound like a bigger city then accident so i got in trouble..

I'm not american and english...and the most of the words i know is from my friends !!
And one day someone asked me if I had a fag...i wasn't sure what he was asking and after a while i understood fag ( like a gay person ) i got mad and said WHAT ??!! ARE YOU CALLING ME A FAG ???
he started to laugh and said he was asking for a cigarette...i felt so stupid

I used to believe…

When was 6-7 i wasn,t very good at reading big words, and every evening i would sit with my Dad and read to him out of the newspaper, and when i came to a word i couldn,t say, he told me to say Wheelbarrow, and one friday in school we always had reading out load, so when i was asked to read , i kept saying wheelbarrow when i came to a word i didn,t know, so after a while the teacher said Janice why do you keep saying wheelbarrow, and i told her my Dad told me i could always say that word if i came across a word i could not read.


Sadly my Dad died when i was 9years old but i shall never forget my time spent with him while he lay in bed.

I used to believe…

When i was young my dad told me to stop calling my friend a bitch and to call her a "bench" which was way worse. To this day i sometimes catch myself muttering 'bench' after someone annoys me.

I'm not American nor English. So as you understand english isn't my first language so i had to take lessons to learn english. i don't think you know it but there are a lot of exams even for kids who learn english as a second language. when i was about 9 years old i was taking one of those exams and i had to write an essay about my summer vacations. i wanted to write that i was going to the beach but i had a spelling problem and by mistake i wrote that i was going to the bitch. i don't know if thats the reason i failed the exam...

I used to believe…

when i was about 6, my friend and i believed that there would be terrible consequences if you said a swear word. ( you'd be grounded for eternity, or you'd blow up, of the swear elves would come at night and sew your lips together) we decicded to make our own swears and not tell them to anybody so no one would be able to punish us for saying them. As i recall we had one swear for every letter. Once, we were given a time out by the 1st grade teacher, and we were so shocked that she didn't react when we called her the j,k,b,t,y,w,e,and r words.

"I'm disapointed in you two. usually you remember to use indoor voices"

"Juktre kupds, you bhugfes tyuer."
"Yeah, your a ympos werfen rebmez"

I used to believe…

Up until my twenties (yeah, I know) I was seriously confused about the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too." I thought that if you were eating your cake, weren't you HAVING it? For some reason, the light dawned one day and it was like a spiritual awakening.

I used to believe…

when i was very young and learning to talk, i just repeated everything people said around me. My parents were usually pretty careful about what they said when i was present, but once we were in the car and someone cut in front of us or something, and my dad said "Oh, damn it!" And then of course my mum and dad could hear from the back seat "Damn it! Damn it!"

To this day, whenever i am at a family gathering with my parent and someone says damn, they just HAVE to tell the story.

you just have no idea how embaressing...

I used to believe…

Me and my friend used to play games when we were about 8, in the playground at school. one day he said "ok i'll be asterix and you can be bollocks" so that night i told my mother that we'd been playing and i was bollocks. When she asked where i heard that word i told her i didn't know...

I used to believe…

when i was younger, around 7 or 8, i was watching a program when an advert about the grand prix was on. knowing my father was big on cars, and me seeing the cars flashing by in the background, i ran in on my parents who were holding a conversation with my nextdoor neighbours who we invited round for tea, i ran in and shouted "Dad Dad! the Grand Pricks(prix) are on tv!"

I often did not do reading homework when it was assigned. One day in religion class in high school the topic of discussion was "euthanasia". Since i had not done the reading and had never heard the word before, I thought we were discussing kids in China......

I used to believe…

In the first grade , i would have spelling tests 3 times a week ...i used to study a lot for these tests ...and my mom would always say write them around your head ( as in spell them out in your head) ... i thought that she meant write the words on your skull ...so every day after studying i would get a pencil and lightly write everything that i had studied on my head! i thought it helped!

I used to believe…

when i was about nine i thought the words 'twat' and 'twit' were synonymous. i learned better when dining with my family at a (nice) restaurant and i called a loud kid at another table a twat.