When grown-ups said "this morning", I thought they were saying "tiss morning"
When grown-ups said "newspaper", I thought it was two words: "new" and "spaper"
But really, my hearing is okay.
I used to believe that cosmic was the same word as cosmetic and wondered how stuff in space was related to makeup and beauty products.
I found the term "mad scientist" confusing, as I didn't know that "mad" could also mean crazy, so I was left wondering what all these scientists were so pissed off about.
Both my parents worked at a hospital, my mom as an ICU nurse, my dad as a biomed tech (fixed hospital equipment). I overheard a lot of hospital gossip because both my parents worked at the same place. Usually it was about doctors. I remember being maybe five or six and I heard my parents talking about some doctor being a "womanizer". This was a word I'd never heard before, but given the medical context, I assumed the logical thing: that he was a doctor who turned men into women (which was something I vaguely knew was possible).
So every year, my parents would take us to the company picnic and they had like a little mini carnival with (crappy) rides, a petting zoo, clowns, live music and a barbecue. Fun stuff. One year I befriended this little girl at the company picnic. Eventually she mentioned that her dad is the same doctor who my mom had called a womanizer. I suddenly got very scared that he was going to find me and "womanize" me. Naturally, I assumed he'd done the same to my new friend, being that she was a girl and I all, so I felt very bad for her. Anyway, I was an idiot.
I thought the phrase "In the midsts of" was "in the MISTS of", since it was like you were surrounded by mist and couldn't see anything outside.
I used to think that ancient languages, like Latin or Sanskrit, were spoken by dinosaurs and cave people, as a reference to being extinct or non existent.
When I was little, I heard of someone having a "short fuse" and thought it meant a short memory and that the person was very forgetful.
I used to think anorexia was something to do with wearing an anorak.
1 belief I had as a kid was that being on the phone or radio could distort your voice and make it sound likeypu had a foreign accent.
I thought that the term "mild-mannered" meant the person didn't have very good manners, as I knew "mild" meant "not very much" (due to things like mild hot sauce), but had never heard that definition of "manner(ed)" before.
I thought that awry was pronounced "aw-ree" (rhymes with sorry), instead of "uh-rye". The odd part is, I had heard people say the word aloud lots of times, but it took me ages to realize it was the same word.
I thought "opera" was pronounced "oprah", as in Oprah Winfrey.
I thought "bless you" always came after "excuse me" after burping, farting, etc. It was pretty funny when I would say "bless you" after someone passed gas.
I Used To Believe Gibberish Was A Real Language, And I Thought I Was Fluent At Gibberish And I Came From A Country That Spoke Gibberish
My dad often says, "Is it _____ or what?" When I was little I thought I had to say "what" if it wasn't the "blank". For example if he said "Is it funny or what?" I thought I had to say "what" if I didn't think it was funny. I took things very literally back then. I think I actually did have to answer with "what" once!
Until I was in my 20s, I thought the word "stuck" in the phrase "bleed like a stuck pig" meant stuck as in stuck inside something, and didn't get how it made any sense. Then one day I realized it meant stuck like stabbed or punctured, and I was like "oh, duh!"
I thought the word "melodramatic" was actually "mellow-dramatic", and thought it was a really dumb word since it was basically an oxymoron (how can something be mellow and dramatic at the same time?)
I used to think that Americans and Australians were just British people living abroad and speaking with an alternative accent because they are international
My mom thought "ambulance" was "ambliance"
I thought people who used sign language had to spell out words one letter at a time using their entire bodies, like in the dance to the YMCA song.