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I heard the phrase "sitting on your laurels" - I thought laurels was a polite term for buttocks.
When I was four, by best friend from preschool called me selfish. I was convinced that I was some weird species of fish.
When I was a kid I thought that New Hampshire was pronounced New Hamster. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why everyone (including the teacher) laughed at me in 5th grade when I gave my presentation on New Hamster!
When a "mean girl" in early grade school asked me if I was a virgin I answered "no I am catholic."
one time i wanted a princess dress at a store, to which my parents responded "someday." i heard "sunday," and it was sunday so i thought they meant later that day, and was very offended when we couldn't go back to the store later and that they laughed at my request.
i used to think when my parents talked that "so and so" was actually a person.
I had only heard the word "boobs" used to refer to boobs, never the anatomically correct term (breasts).
So one time at a swim lesson my teacher told me she wanted me to practice "big breaths." Well, I thought she said breasts! Not too familiar with that word, I thought it meant breaching--as in, a whale jumping out of the water!
When my children were growing up we were very close with another family and often our visits would last past regular bedtime. On occasion the visit would turn into a sleep over. One night the other family was getting ready to leave but as usual the other mother and I lingered, still chatting at the door. My oldest daughter and her's repeatedly interupted asking for a sleep over. Again and again they were told no but they kept asking. Finally I turned and said "read my lips, the answer is no" to which my daughter burst out crying "But I can't read!"
One year, my Dad and I went Christmas shopping and he spent two hours talking a price down on a gift for my mother.When we returned home mom exclaimed "What took you so long?" I replied "Dad spent forever masturbating with the guy at the counter." As soon as I said it my mom cracked up and Dad turned red. I tried to play it off like I knew what I was talking about until I told my friend the story.She explained to me I mixed the word "masturbate" up with the word "haggle."
I used to think that 'the pulitzer prize' was actually, "Pull It - Surprise!" -- Like, you pull a rope and something might fall on you...
When I was young I refused to drink well water because I thought it came out of whales.
I used to believe that whenever people said "So-and-so" that they were talking about an actual person named Soandso.
I always heard "Soandso" did this and "Soandso" did that.
I wondered, who IS this person and how did everyone know him?
Remember the show "Wide World of Sports" that was hosted by Jim McKay? The show opened with McKay saying "Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport… the thrill of victory… and the agony of defeat… the human drama of athletic competition… This is ABC's Wide World of Sports! For the longest time, even into my adulthood, I thought "agony of defeat" was "agony of the feet."
I used to wonder why we had to pay taxes when we never got to ride in one. I thought taxes and taxis was the same word.
When I was little, I was (sort of) allergic to a certain preservative found in most hot dogs. When I ate them, I'd get this weird feeling in my throat, like there were chunks at the back of my throat. So it seemed logical to say i felt "chunky". My family and I used this commonly around the house for the next few years. At my friend's 6th birthday party, I remember refusing to eat hotdogs " 'Cause they make me chunky!" Now I know why everyone was looking at me weirdly the whole time...
I used to watch 60 minutes and other news shows with my grandmother when I was little. I used to think Alzheimer's diease was called "Old Timers" diesease...it mad since because only OLD people got the dieasese!
When I was young I had heard many times the expression "Naked as a jay bird" and knew what it referred to, but later I heard someone mention something about 'jay walking' and I thought it meant someone was walking around naked.
i used to think that the term 'necking' referred to boyfriends and girlfriends who rubbed their necks together
I used to believe that pinto horses were called that because they had pins in their toes instead of shoes on their feet.
I used to think that booby traps had something to do with actual boobs or bras or something. I think the idea was a combination of it being referred as a "booby" trap and the fact that the first time I heard it was in a movie where these boys were trying to sneak around and they got stuck in a line of bras that were tied together. One of them said, "Oh no! It's a booby trap!" Needless to say, I felt really stupid when I found out it just meant someone had set up a trick or trap for someone else.