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I used to hear grownups say "So-and-so is really struggling to make ends meet", but I thought they were saying ends MEAT - the cheepest, yuckiest cut of beef there ever was. I always felt so sorry for the poor people who couldn't even afford to make ends meat.
When I was in preschool, if we couldn't go to an area it was "Off Limits." Me, not knowing the word "off" in that context, and not knowing what the word "limits" meant. I thought it was some German term, like Auflimetz, that mean "Don't Go Here"
When I was about 9, I had a 2 year old baby sister and a few months old baby brother. Sometimes, I would play with them and then they gurgle and mumble stuff and look at each other. I used to think they were communicating in some secret baby organization language, and it made the most sense to me. I asked myself: "How come I don't remember those times when I was a baby?".
Then I came to the conclusion that they had a secret Baby organization in some base and that they were members of it. I thought that when members got too old, they erase any memory of the organization.
From then on, I started interrogating my baby sister and brother whenever my parents would leave them alone with me.
Acctually, this is about a girl in my clas. She thought you said ,"Blesh you." instead of "Bless you." No lie, she just learned it yesterday.
When i was a kid, i asked my grandfather how the heat in our house worked. He showed me the baseboard heater in the kitchen and said something that i heard as "the heating elephants inside". Eventually i found out he was saying "elements" but for a long time i had imagined little tiny elephants walking around inside the heater to make it warm. i spent about an hour that day sitting next to the heater trying to look inside it and see the elephants.
I used to think "President" and "present" were the same thing, so every year I would be disappointed I never got any presents on "Presidents Day".
Accordingly, I always got to open the presidents during Christmas.
I used to believe that as a Canadian, I spoke English without an accent; that Canadians and most Americans simply did not have an accent and that British, Australians and everyone else had an accent.
Along with this I also believed this lack of an accent made it so that only Canadians and Americans could pretend to have an accent.
Somewhere along the line, my younger sister got it in her head that "kinky" meant "fun". She told my grandmother she liked the spiral slide at the playground because it was "kinky".
When I was really young, I thought saying 'good riddance' to people was a posh, grown-up way of saying goodbye. I never quite understood why everyone would tell me off for being rude when I said it.
When I was in elementary school, a substitute teacher once tiold us we were going to go to the lavatory, but I heard her tell us that she was taking us to the "laboratory." I honestly thought she was going to perform experiments on us in there. You can imagine the impact it's had on me ever since.
I used to truely believe that everyone had it wrong and that "yellow" was actually pronounced "lello". when i was 4 i slapped a girl because she insisted that it was "yellow" and that i just didn't know how to talk properly. When i told the kindergarten teacher why i slapped her, she said that it actually was "yellow" and i screamed at her that she was an idiot and didn't deserve to be a teacher!
When MSN and AIM first got really popular, everyone said LOL when they laughed. I thought LOL meant hello, so I went around saying LOL whenever I see someone. That continued for half a year until my friend told me I was weird.
When I was really young, probably about 3 years old, I thought "attention" was a cool minty candy that came in green band-aid tins. I'm not sure how I got this idea, but my parents thought maybe my grandma had used the word when applying band-aids to my cousins. Anyhow, one day I got to thinking about this "attention," and decided I wanted some. I marched into my parents room, where they were sitting and talking. "I want some attention!!" I demanded. They both turned, focused on me, and said, "sure, honey, you have our attention." I was extremely confused, and asked again - only to get the same response. I was about ready to freak out when they finally asked me if I knew what attention was. Finally cleared that one up!
I believed "lesbians" and "Presbyterians" were the same thing; I still don't know why. I can't imagine the conversations I had mixing those two up.
One night, my luittle sister came into my room. She saw a tag on mu dresser. it had been torn off of a set of pajamas, and read something along the lines of "this garment is not fire-retardent"
My sister asked me what a "garment was, and I told her that it was the trident-shaped peice on a bike-helmet buckle.
She belived me.
I was frightened to say the word peanut thinking that I might be misunderstood for saying penis. Also for hearting penis when people would say peanut. Can you imagine the tension all this misunderstanding caused!
When I was a precocious 3 year old, I was certain that all adults spoke Martian among themselves.
I "proved" it to myself by slowly sneaking up on conversations between my mother & our neighbors.
Sure enough, as soon as they psychically detected my presence, the wa-wa underwater-sounds of Martian would smoothly segue into English.
Until I was around 15 I thought minestrone (soup) was pronounce MINE-strown.
My sister used to pronounce Jai'Alai (sport) like this: JAY-a-lay.
Guess it runs in the family...
When our parents would go to Las Vegas for the weekend, they always promised to bring back some souvenirs for us. I was absolutely certain that they were really saying "soup and ears," and of course I thought that was a VERY strange thing to eat. Soup and crackers, I could understand, but...
I never had health class or "the talk" from my parents; so I always thought that vagina was pronounced like Regina. (va-jeen-a)