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When I was really young, probably about 3 years old, I thought "attention" was a cool minty candy that came in green band-aid tins. I'm not sure how I got this idea, but my parents thought maybe my grandma had used the word when applying band-aids to my cousins. Anyhow, one day I got to thinking about this "attention," and decided I wanted some. I marched into my parents room, where they were sitting and talking. "I want some attention!!" I demanded. They both turned, focused on me, and said, "sure, honey, you have our attention." I was extremely confused, and asked again - only to get the same response. I was about ready to freak out when they finally asked me if I knew what attention was. Finally cleared that one up!
I believed "lesbians" and "Presbyterians" were the same thing; I still don't know why. I can't imagine the conversations I had mixing those two up.
One night, my luittle sister came into my room. She saw a tag on mu dresser. it had been torn off of a set of pajamas, and read something along the lines of "this garment is not fire-retardent"
My sister asked me what a "garment was, and I told her that it was the trident-shaped peice on a bike-helmet buckle.
She belived me.
I was frightened to say the word peanut thinking that I might be misunderstood for saying penis. Also for hearting penis when people would say peanut. Can you imagine the tension all this misunderstanding caused!
When I was a precocious 3 year old, I was certain that all adults spoke Martian among themselves.
I "proved" it to myself by slowly sneaking up on conversations between my mother & our neighbors.
Sure enough, as soon as they psychically detected my presence, the wa-wa underwater-sounds of Martian would smoothly segue into English.
Until I was around 15 I thought minestrone (soup) was pronounce MINE-strown.
My sister used to pronounce Jai'Alai (sport) like this: JAY-a-lay.
Guess it runs in the family...
When our parents would go to Las Vegas for the weekend, they always promised to bring back some souvenirs for us. I was absolutely certain that they were really saying "soup and ears," and of course I thought that was a VERY strange thing to eat. Soup and crackers, I could understand, but...
I never had health class or "the talk" from my parents; so I always thought that vagina was pronounced like Regina. (va-jeen-a)
I thought that "Doube Bubble Toil and Trouble" was "Doube Bubble, Toilet Trouble"
My elementary school was very big on teaching us that litter was bad. I misheard the word as "glitter".
When my brother tried to drop a cup outside the window of our car once in a parking lot, I told him grumpily, "No glittering." I imagined that all the litter, if left on the sidewalk for long enough, would turn into glitter. Of course it made sense that glittering wasn't allowed--glitter was a pain to clean up if there was a lot of it spilled!
You know that little toy that you ask a quesstion and then shake it and it lands on yes or no? I had one when I was little, and a few years ago, I was talking about it, and wondering why it was called an ape ball. I found out when everybody laughed at me that it's called 8 ball. To this day, whenever I try to say it, it comes out ape ball.
When I was in my seventh grade science class, I kept pronouncing the word organism as orgasm. I wondered why every time my teacher would correct me he would laugh at the same time. It wasn't until I got to high school that I realized what I was saying. LOL
It took me FOREVER to realize that "Vewers like you" meamt veiwers, like me. I thougt it was giibeish
At 2nd grade, I changed schools, and in the new school, they called the toilet the "lavatory". I had never heard the word before, and I thought they were saying "laboratory". So on my first day at the new school, when kids said, "May I go to the lavatory?", I wondered where they were going.
I reasoned that if everyone wanted to go there, it must be some kind of room with toys.
After about a week, I finally figured it out. Boy, I was disappointed!
I used to think that green was purple and purple was green... and now I still have to think about it before saying purple or green.
I used to think that risque was just another way of saying risky.
In first grade during a history class, I could not pronounce Virgina and West Virgina correctly. Instead I pronounced the female body part that begins with a V.
Most of us were ignorant of the word, but there were two kids in the class who actually knew what it meant, and couldn't resist giggling. My teacher corrected me, but a minute later I would mispronounce it again.
I went home and told my older that kids laughed at me when I was reading outloud during our history lessons. After some deciphering, my cousin told me what it meant. That moment of awareness was the most humiliating moment of my life.
I used to think the word "rouse" meant a single grain of rice. Since "mice" is the plural of "mouse", and "lice" is the plural of "louse", it seemed to make sense that "rice" would be the plural of "rouse".
When I was in preschool, my favorite movie was Disney's "Hercules". Unfortunately, I was cursed with the inability to pronounce it right.
Amazingly enough, I would always pronounce it "fuckules". Meaning, it sounded like, "fuck-you-lees". I would go around saying it so casually, wondering why adults would stare at me so weird. Nobody told me I was pronouncing it wrong, because only my family ever heard it much, and they were too amused with my mispronunciation to tell me.
Anyway, one day, I came home from preschool and happily told Mom, "Hey, Mom! My teacher taught me something today!" Curious, Mom asked me what. I then shouted, "HA.. HA.. HERCULES!"
The look on Mom's face was priceless. She KNEW what I had said at school..
I still remember that absolutely HORRIFIED expression on her face.
When I was about 8 years old I was briefly interested in astrology. I was born in September so I'm a virgo. Virgo is the Latin word for virgin. I assumed they were interchangeable words, I liked 'virgin' better, so I used to tell people "I'm a virgin!" Nobody ever corrected my mistake, I just stopped saying it when I decided I didnt believe in astrology anymore.