language: speaking

I used to get confused as to the difference between bearing a child and baring a child. Whenever I heard of a mother bearing children, I thought this meant she took off their clothes before bathtime or whatever. Darn those words that sound the same!

In grade 7, we were having a science test on organisms. When we were finished, we were talking about the answers that we put for some of the questions. And since it was a big group of people, I was talking rather loud when I said "for number 38, I put living orgasms!"

And why is it that there's a 90% chance that a teacher would be near to hear that?

Very embarrassing.

I used to believe…

for the longest time i thouht that when people said "throw caution to the wind" they were saying "throw caush into the wind." i understood the meaning, but i could not figure out for the life of me, who or what caush was.

I remember my aunt teaching me some basic manners. She gave me a piece of gum, and said "now say thank you" which I did, and she replied "you're welcome" but i thought she said "you're well gum" and thought you only had to say that when you gave someone a piece of gum.

my parents for some reason told my sister and i that toushee was a name for a girls private part. so one day at camp a counselor told a boy to shake his toushee. i was so confused! i later found out toushee was another name for butt!

Whenever me or my brothers were getting told off, my mum would say "if you do that again you will get a good hiding!" When she said it I pictured myself actually hiding in the wardrobe or another good hiding place

For the longest time, I thought "granite" was the same word as "granted", so I thought that when somebody was "taking you for granted" it meant that you were going with them to collect rocks in the forest or something.

I used to think that "facade" was pronounced "fuckade" (I accidentally said it that way while giving a presentation in 4th grade - oops!) and I also thought "pisces" was pronounced "pisses".

For years, until I was about ten or eleven I believed that when people were saying 'round of applause' they were really saying 'round of the plors' and I imagined little aliens called plors walking round in a circle and clapping.

I lived in Germany when I was younger, as my Dad was in the British Army. Saddam Hussain was an the TV alot, and for years I used to run around shouting 'Mum 'That Damn Hussain' is on the tele again!'

I coudn't work out why she just laughed at me, now I know.

I used to think that getting "knocked up" meant getting hurt. One day when I was about 5 years old I scraped my knee then told my mom i got "knocked up". You should have seen the look on her face.

I used to think that it was bad luck to say sweet dreams before someone would go to sleep.

i thought that weed eaters were called we deeters

I had a dream once that if you spoke while you were moving, you'd turn into an animal. For weeks afterwards, I'd make sure I was perfectly still before saying a word.

one time when i was like 5, my grandma told me she wanted to take me to a ballet sometime. but my dad said, "no, you don't want to go to a stinky ballet. you want to go to a monster truck rally! those are awesome!" and my grandma said, "don't brainwash the girl", and i thought it literally meant sticking my head in a tub full of soap and water, and scrubbing my whole head, until the soap got in my ears and washed out my brain. i was sooo scared of that concept for the longest time.

I used to say "Suck My Blue" instead of Sacre bleu. My parents always corrected me and i never realised why.