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When I was younger, a friend of mine told me that to be "mature" meant that you had a lot of friends, and being "immature" was like being a loser, geek, nerd, etc.
I went on for months calling people I didn't like "immature."
When I was about 10 I actually looked up "mature".
I still call people I don't like immature. and I know what it means.
When I was little, when people spoke of going to the nearby town of Cedar Rapids (Iowa), I thought they were saying they were going to "See the rabbits." I asked my mom if we could go see the rabbits sometime. When she finally comprehended what I was talking about, she set me straight. I was disappointed, my vision of a vibrant rabbit community dispelled.
When I was younger I thought that the abbreviation lbs, stood for "illables". I then told people that I weighed some number of illables. It wasn't until middle school that my mom told me illables wasn't a word and it actually stood for pounds.
I used to believe that stereotypes were people who used steroids.
When I was little I used to believe that after jail you would be sent to Peru because I thought they were saying fifteen years with "Peru." So when I watched crime shows and said fifteen years with parole, it meant fifteen years then sent to Peru.
I used to think "decorum" was a bottle of rum that sat on a table as decoration. I blame it on the book where I first saw it used...
When I was 4 a Sunday school teacher told me I had to "apologize" to another student for something, except I did not know what that word meant. I thought she said polish your eyes, and that it was slang for "you must now cry" or something. So I started crying and rubbing my eyes. She asked me what was wrong, and I said I didn't know what the word meant. She explained that it meant to say sorry, which I promptly did.
When I was about 7 I stayed with my grandparents for the summer. They kept talking about how they were going to "win a bagel". I just didn't understand why they were going to win a bagel. I later learned they were going to buy a camper, a Winnebago!
I heard the phrase "sitting on your laurels" - I thought laurels was a polite term for buttocks.
When I was four, by best friend from preschool called me selfish. I was convinced that I was some weird species of fish.
When I was a kid I thought that New Hampshire was pronounced New Hamster. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why everyone (including the teacher) laughed at me in 5th grade when I gave my presentation on New Hamster!
When a "mean girl" in early grade school asked me if I was a virgin I answered "no I am catholic."
one time i wanted a princess dress at a store, to which my parents responded "someday." i heard "sunday," and it was sunday so i thought they meant later that day, and was very offended when we couldn't go back to the store later and that they laughed at my request.
i used to think when my parents talked that "so and so" was actually a person.
I had only heard the word "boobs" used to refer to boobs, never the anatomically correct term (breasts).
So one time at a swim lesson my teacher told me she wanted me to practice "big breaths." Well, I thought she said breasts! Not too familiar with that word, I thought it meant breaching--as in, a whale jumping out of the water!
When my children were growing up we were very close with another family and often our visits would last past regular bedtime. On occasion the visit would turn into a sleep over. One night the other family was getting ready to leave but as usual the other mother and I lingered, still chatting at the door. My oldest daughter and her's repeatedly interupted asking for a sleep over. Again and again they were told no but they kept asking. Finally I turned and said "read my lips, the answer is no" to which my daughter burst out crying "But I can't read!"
One year, my Dad and I went Christmas shopping and he spent two hours talking a price down on a gift for my mother.When we returned home mom exclaimed "What took you so long?" I replied "Dad spent forever masturbating with the guy at the counter." As soon as I said it my mom cracked up and Dad turned red. I tried to play it off like I knew what I was talking about until I told my friend the story.She explained to me I mixed the word "masturbate" up with the word "haggle."
I used to think that 'the pulitzer prize' was actually, "Pull It - Surprise!" -- Like, you pull a rope and something might fall on you...
When I was young I refused to drink well water because I thought it came out of whales.
I used to believe that whenever people said "So-and-so" that they were talking about an actual person named Soandso.
I always heard "Soandso" did this and "Soandso" did that.
I wondered, who IS this person and how did everyone know him?