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I thought that people only said, "Guess what?!" when delivering good news. So when Dad said, "Hey, guess what?! Eva broke her arm!!" (Eva is my friend and she's OK now, this was years ago), I was shocked at him and wondered why he thought it was good news that my friend broke her arm.
I thought 'infrared' was the past of 'to infrare'.
When I was 9 or 10, I used to call my friend a "dildo". For some reason, I thought it meant "silly", until my friend's horrified mother told me otherwise!!
Whenever me or my brothers were getting told off, my mum would say "if you do that again you will get a good hiding!" When she said it I pictured myself actually hiding in the wardrobe or another good hiding place
Up until I was 18--18! I believed that there were two kinds of appetizers one could serve at a party--"orderves" and "horse dovers." I had read about "horse dovers" many times in books and magazines, but at all the parties I'd ever been to, they only served "orderves."
It wasn't until I heard a woman on the radio saying that she could never remember how to spell "hors d'oeuvres" that I figured it out. When I tried to spell this word on my own and nothing looked right, the Frenchiness of it all clicked.
I'm from Ireland and in primary school coming up to St. Patricks Day they'd have plays and stuff on in scool and they'd always mention the millions of people who emigrated, but i thought emigrated meant disintegrated at the time so could never understand how millions of people went puff into dust... i pictured it kinda like vampires getting staked in Buffy... but Buffy wasn't on tv then so blame over active imagination....
My elementary school was very big on teaching us that litter was bad. I misheard the word as "glitter".
When my brother tried to drop a cup outside the window of our car once in a parking lot, I told him grumpily, "No glittering." I imagined that all the litter, if left on the sidewalk for long enough, would turn into glitter. Of course it made sense that glittering wasn't allowed--glitter was a pain to clean up if there was a lot of it spilled!
I used to believe that when people explained something and said 'Well basically...' it was because they thought you were too dumb to understand the complicated version.
My spanish teacher used to think "strip malls" were places you find strippers. She was shocked when someone in our class told her she was working at the strip mall
I had only heard the name of the combo Hall and Oates, so I thought their name was Haulin' Oats -- like what you do if you have to take your oats across town. It was associated in my mind with hauling ass, and it wasn't until college until I figured out my mistake when I said to a friend, "Hey, the show starts in ten minutes. We better haul oats."
When I was about 4 my neighbor would say "Peas" every time we said goodbye, I picked up on it and began saying "peas" to all my friends. My mother told me (after my neighbor moved away) that he was in fact saying "peace." D'oh
When I was little, I used to sleep in my Mom's room -- that is, the master bedroom. The door to the master bedroom was actually in the living room, so activity taking place in the living room and kitchen area could easily be heard from the master bedroom, but speech always sounded very muffled. When I was very little, probably about preschool age, I can remember waking up in my Mom's bed after my Mom and sisters were already awake, hearing their muffled conversation through the door, and concluding that my family spoke a different language in the morning -- but they only used it when I wasn't around. I'd often sit up in bed and listen to their strange "language," trying to decipher words and figure out what they meant,
I was certain that "earwigs" were basically toupees you wear on your ears.
When I heard the phrase "there's no rest for the wicked" when I was very young, I thought that it meant that wicked people get very little rest because there are so many wicked things that need doing. I believed that for many years.
when i was little i used to think that an appetizer was called lingerie, and that lingerie was an appetizer, so once i saw my mom maken like shrimps, and dips and such and i was like: "mom nice lingerie!"
My family is quite religious. Every Sunday my Dad, my sister and I would go to church together (we're Catholics) but my Mum always went to a different church (she's a Protestant). When I was little nobody actually told me what religion my Mum was. Eventually I picked up on what it was and got it loged in my mind that she was a prostitue (see the likeness???).
Come Christmas time my entire family (you know Granny, Grandpa, Uncle X, Auntie Y, Cousin Z) were about to leave for midnight mass. But my mum wasn't coming. So my grandad asked me "Why isn't your Mummy coming to church with us?" and so I replied loudly and proudly "Because she's a PROSTITUTE!".
My fianace grew up around his father and cars and always talking about them, looking at them, etc. One night I noticed that he was using the word "deluxe" in the wrong context, and asked him what he thought it meant. When he responded that it mean "bad" or "worse then the rest" i was baffled that he had the exact opposite meaning of what it really meant. I asked him why he thought that. He said that because in cars the "deluxe" version is always the worse of the models. You have stuff like "supreme" and all the super decked out models. Than the base model they still call something nice like "deluxe" even though it's the bottom model. So he thought it meant crappy version.
When my parents told me as a young child, that if I didn't slow down the speed of my speech, they would take me to ELOCUTION lessons, I believed that they would be taking me to be ELECTROCUTED stage by stage. I very quickly slowed down my talking.
Somewhere along the line, my younger sister got it in her head that "kinky" meant "fun". She told my grandmother she liked the spiral slide at the playground because it was "kinky".
When i was a kid, i asked my grandfather how the heat in our house worked. He showed me the baseboard heater in the kitchen and said something that i heard as "the heating elephants inside". Eventually i found out he was saying "elements" but for a long time i had imagined little tiny elephants walking around inside the heater to make it warm. i spent about an hour that day sitting next to the heater trying to look inside it and see the elephants.