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I remeber sitting in the bath one day contemplating when I was about 4 or 5. I called my Dad into the bathroom and asked, "If lesbians are girls, are leprichauns the boy version of the same thing?" I was puzzled when my Dad fell about laughing. Thinking back, I think the letter 'L' made me think that being gay, you had to have an alternate 'boy' description starting with the same letter, and since Leprichauns were boys...it was logical to me!
When I was about 10, apparently inspired by all the family television I used to watch I suggested that my dad and my brother should have some "father-son bondage time." After a good laugh my parents explained (vaguely) the fine difference between bonding and bondage. I was so shocked that for years I avoided using either word for fear I would use the wrong one.
my older sister (10 years older) told me when I was little that you were only allowed so many words in your lifetime, and if I kept talking the way I was I would run out before I even started school. I guess I was so quiet for a couple days until my mom figured out I wasn't talking and asked me why. I was still worried about it so for the longest time I didn't speak unless I had to.
I used to read the dictionary. (I was a bookworm as a little kid.) One day I came across "orgy" and wouldn't you know it, I had one of those prudish dictionaries that for some words didn't go into much detail... it said something about wild parties, unrestrained, etc. and so I took it to mean just what the dictionary said - that's what the book's for, right?
O, the look on my poor dad's face when, in a particularly happy unrestrained moment of glee, his 6 yr old daughter shouted out, "let's have an orgy!"
Once I was watching Blockbusters and a clue came on, "What T is the name for the limbs of an Octopus", I didn't hesitate in shouting out 'Testicles', my mother found it extremely funny but I was not the wiser, I was only 9 at the time!
When my mum used to pick me up from school I was sometimes announce that I was thirsty, my mum would reply she was friday. I'm from glasgow, scotland - saying thirsty in a loose accent sounds like 'thurstay' ergo 'thursday' so this was my mum's way of gently chastising me for poor enunciation, by replying in an equally nonsensical way.
I didn't realise this til I was 15 - I had assumed Friday was just a way of saying you were hungry....
When I was little and used to try to explain things I was thinking to my dad, he used to tell me to "be more specific". I thought he was saying "be more Pacific" so I thought that people who lived over the ocean must be really good at explaining stuff.
When I was little, (about three years old), I used to play with my cousin a lot, who was about six years old at the time. We used to play in the grass and do a lot of somersaults, and came to the conclusion that a backward somersault should be called a winterpepper. (somersault = summersalt, so the opposite would be winterpepper.) It still makes sense...
I used to believe that if yo took a picture of someone while they're talking, a speech bubble would appear in the picture.
When I was seven, I confused a row of spectators in a movie theater by asking them if the seat next to them was "bacon." I repeated the question several times, thinking they couldn't hear me, unaware that the word I should have used was "vacant."
I used to believe that "firearms" meant fire extinguishers, things you use to arm yourself against fires. I couldn't understand why fire extinguishers were illegal in some places.
When I was about 8 I mentioned to to my mother that the Rolling Stones song 'I can't get no satisfaction' was grammatically incorrect and that it should be 'I can't get any satisfaction'.
She explained that they were using poetic licence.
For years I thought there was a special government office where you could apply for a special licence to use incorrect grammar.
I also thought this applied to using the numeral 4 instead of the word 'for' on a 'for sale' sign.
When I was in the 5ht grade I thought that a theasaurus was a type of dinosaur.
I used to think our lawn mower was called a "lawn lower". This made sense because it made the grass lower. When I found out I was wrong I still thought my way made more sense because I didn't think "mower" was even a real word. By the time I was 8 I finally got it right.
When I was about 11, I heard or saw the phrase "jerk off" somewhere. I didn't know what it really meant, so I deducted that it meant to fool around or goof off. So my older cousin took me to the mall one day, and I at the time hated shopping, so I said to her, loudly, "Let's go jerk off in the arcade!!"
Yeah, it was pretty shortly that I learned what "jerk off" really meant. I cringe now thinking of how many times I said that without knowing that I was suggested that me and my friends go masturbate.
For years I heard the word "ostentatious" and thought it was some dialectical pronunciation of "Austin, Texas".
I told everyone at work, that "Ireland" was really supposed to be "Ourland", because with the Irish accent, it just sounds like "Ireland". They believed it.
When I was 8 years old we had a really hot summer (I lived in Oklahoma), and I walked home from school and I thought I was having a stroke. I was just dehydrated. Anyway, I started drinking water really fast. My brother walked over to me and said "Careful, you'll hydrate yourself."
Until about two months ago (I'm 19), I thought hydrating yourself meant killing yourself.
When I was little my dad used to travel to Hong Kong a lot for his job, and for the longest time I thought it was pronounced "Honk Honk" because it was a large city with a lot of traffic.
For years I heard the word "pedophile" and thought it meant a pedicurist's tool.