language: speaking

Once, when my sister an I were about 6 and 8, my mother grew exasperated with our unruly behavior and said, "You could try the patience of Job." I thought she said, "You could fry the potatoes of Joe," I was puzzled by why she wanted me to fry potatoes, and repeated that back to her asking what she meant. She started laughing. After that, it became a family inside-joke.

I used to believe that priceless and worthless ment the same thing. So whenever we went to someone's house and they would describe the artifact as "priceless", i used to wonder why are they so proud of it?

I have a little cousin who for the longest time was convinced that a "pervert" meant a dead fish... it sure was funny to hear her call her younger brother a pervert whenever he did something stupid... "Gabe, you're about as smart as a pervert!" ... I guess the statement is still a viable insult, though

I was watching the news with my mom when I was about 6 or 7, and heard about a woman getting raped, or "ranked", as I heard it.
A few weeks later at a boyscout meeting, we were given patches for our uniforms saying Rank ??. After the meeting I built up enough courage to pull thee scout leader aside and tell him i wasnt going to wear the patch because ranking someone was very bad, as my mom told me. I still remember the puzzled look on his face.

I used to believe that when someone said that a woman had been raped, it meant that a stranger had run up to her in the street and scraped at her skin with a cheese grater. In public school, a couple of older girls consistantly picked on me, and when I told my mom about it, she told me that I needed to stand up for myself. So I asked her if I could take her cheese grater to school. When she asked me why, I told her that I was going to rape them. Horrified, she asked me to explain, and when I was finished, she was laughing so hard that she had to sit down on the floor. Then she (very carefully) explained what it really meant. Even now (20 odd years later), if we're joking around and I'm getting mouthy, she pulls out her cheese grater and threatens to "rape" me.

When I was about 3 or 4, my mom and I were both wearing leotards. My mom asked if I was comfortable in my leotards. I said "Yes. Are you comfortable in your 'momma-tards?"

When I was about 7 the movie "Titanic" came out. My parents took me to go see and there's a scence where Leonardo DiCaprio is describing an encounter he had with a one-legged prostitue. Naive me didn't know what a prostitute was and just assumed it was a pretty lady. Later that day my parents and I were leaving from a diner and I said very loudly "Look mommy! I'm a one-legged prostitute!" as I hopped around on one leg. I thought I was being very clever so I said this quite loudly so everyone in the diner heard. My parents quickly told me to be quiet as they rushed me out of the diner.

In my native language, the word for "scar" is pronounced the same way as the letter "R" (the word for the letter, not the sound). Therefore, I thought for a really long time that if you hurt yourself bad enough you got a big red "R", possibly on your forehead (I don't know where that came from. I suppose I had heard of (obviously not met!) a person who had got a scar on their forehead).

I used to believe that the opposite of “impressed” is “pressed.”

My Sister And I Used To Believe That If You Said Something 3 Times You Would Tern Into That.

When I was little, I said "Hachy-bachy" instead of hibachi (those little outdoor grills.) So everyone started calling them that, and we even called propane grills "Hachy bachy" as well. When I was about 22, my father sent me to Sears to price "Hachy bachys." The guy at Sears looked at me like I was complete moron, and I at last discovered that there was no such thing as a "Hachy Bachy."

No one told me about 'colonel' being pronounced 'kernel'. As a kid I used to tape-record things for my grandparents who lived far away, and I did my favourtite poems: one of them was 'Colonel Fazackerly Butterworth Toast, bought an old castle complete with a a ghost'. My parents were killing themselves listening to me scan 'colonel' (it got a lot of mentions in the poem...)

I used to say " The ghost is clear!" Instead of "The coast is clear"

When I was young, I thought that the word "utter", when spoken, was acutally "udder." So, I was often confused when adults would say phrases such as "an utter embrassment." I always wondered why a cow's udder would be embarrassed....

I used to believe that all four-letter words are bad words.

I used to believe…

whenever i would ask my dad where is was going, hed answer "crazy, wanna come"? For the longet time i thought he said "Gracies" and couldn't figure out why my mom was letting him go to another woman"s house.