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I was 14 years old and my mother was talking about veterans day coming up. I looked at her and said " ya know mom, I have never understood why they have a day to celebrate Veterinarians...I mean it's great that they take care of animals but why is it so special to everyone?" My mom started laughing so hard I thought she was going to pee her pants- literally rolling on the ground. When she finally could gather herself she looked at me and said "is that what you have thought your whole life?" and then started laughing again. Took her about 30 minutes before she would explain that I was wrong....I felt like an idiot!
I used to believe that "testicles" and "intestines" were the same thing. So once when my dad had me pinned down with his leg so he could tickle my feet, I started to scream, "Move your leg you're squishing my testicles!"
Oh ya, I'm female, and yes my parents STILL laugh about that day.
When I first heard someone described as a "household name," I figured it must mean that they have a mop or blender of some other household appliance named after them. Like a Dinah Shore toaster or a Johnny Cash stove.
My parents, in an attempt to stimulate my creative impulses, gave me a few boxes full of "stuff" to play with - dress-up clothes, fabric, ribbons, art supplies, interesting toys, beads, you name it. One fabric bit that I had was purple with silver metallic stripes on it. I had seen a TV show recently featuring circus acrobats and thought I'd make myself a skirt with that fabric so I could be an acrobat for Halloween. However, I did not yet know the word for "acrobat". I taught myself how to sew (BADLY) and made an truly awful tiny little miniskirt a week or so later. I ventured into the livingroom to show my parents and visiting grandmother and aunt. My mom, without thinking, said "You look like a prostitute!" She then realized that she probably should not talk about sex workers around her young daughter and would not tell me what it meant. I, therefore, rationalized that "prostitute" was the word for acrobat and went around school the next day telling people - *including my first-grade teacher* - that I wanted to be a prostitute for Halloween!
I used to believe that I actually invented the word "excellent".
My youngest sister was always getting her words mixed up.
She thought 'semolina' meant food poisoning (salmonella), and that the UK celebrity, Cilla Black, was called Silly Plank, and that Mum and Dad banked with the Happy National (Abbey National).
I used to think that a cubic foot was how things were measured in Cuba. I'd hear ads for refrigerators with so many cubic feet of space and I just didn't get it. Were all refrigerators made in Cuba? I think I was 12 or 13 before some one set me straight on that one.
Until about 2 days ago I thought the saying 'with every fiber of my BEING' was . With every fiber of my BEAN.' I never understood how beans could have fibers, even if they could why would it matter to someone if I used every one, plus I don't have a bean. Was the bean a metaphore? I was a very confused child
We had an antique lamp that I thought was hideous and for years I thought "Art Deco" was a synonym for ugly.
When I was a kid, I would read product labels. I noticed that a lot of the glass bottles had "ME 5c Deposit" written on them.
I was a really screwed up kid. I knew what bad grammar was *before* I learned that states had abbreviations.
So, I would wonder why they didn't write "I am a 5c deposit," instead of talking like a caveman.
When our parents would go to Las Vegas for the weekend, they always promised to bring back some souvenirs for us. I was absolutely certain that they were really saying "soup and ears," and of course I thought that was a VERY strange thing to eat. Soup and crackers, I could understand, but...
When I was younger I thought that the abbreviation lbs, stood for "illables". I then told people that I weighed some number of illables. It wasn't until middle school that my mom told me illables wasn't a word and it actually stood for pounds.
I thought when people said something was adjacent to something they were actually saying "a Jason to" and I always wondered why (I knew what the phrase meant just couldn't understand why it was called that)
I used to believe that when adults sat around talking, they just chose random words to say. I often wondered how they could sit around doing something so boring for so long.
I use to believe that it was Henry the Ape and not Henry the 8th
I used to think the word fever was just another word for giraff
I always thought the old saying "spare the rod and spoil the child" was a set of two instructions rather than the warning that the child who does not get whacked occasionally will be spoiled. I much preferred that they both spared the rod AND spoiled the child - if the child was me, at any rate!
When I was little, and we were sneaking around trying to be quiet, everytime I peered out into the hallway or around a corner, I would whisper "The ghost is clear". My brother or friends, never knew I was saying "ghost" instead of "coast" because I was whispering, so they didn't correct me. It was a really long time before I discovered it was "coast". I was embarrassed.
I used to think that a dual carriageway was a "jewel carriageway" and was studded with diamonds, rubies and sapphires! Then one day on a journey my mum said something to my dad about stopping for our picnic lunch, and he said "Wait till we get off this dual carriageway." I realised we were actually on one, and not a diamond in sight. It was a terrible disappointment. I've never got over it
when i was little i used to believe that a tornado was the samw as a tomatoes were the same thing. when my dad told me that a tornado was coming to knock our house down, i imagined a giant tomato punching down our house. i had nightmares about it until my dad finally told me the truth, when i was 9.