language: speaking

I used to get common phrases confused because I would only hear them not see them in written form. Examples: Vericose Veins, I thought they were Verycold Veins. I thought War and Peace was the name of the author (Warren Peace). I thought Off the beaten path was Off the beat and path.

When I was little I thought that everyone said spaghetti wrong. I said pasghetti instead; my family humored me and said pasghetti as well. This went on until I was about 7 or 8. I was a weird kid...

As a child my mother would warn my sister and me that "If you don't stop that I'll spifflicate you". Whe nI was young, I thought spifflicate meant spank or punish. When I got older (in my teens) I thought it was just a word she made up to frighten us. Recently (in my twenties) I actually looked it up (trying to prove to someone it was ont a word) and found that spifflicate IS in the dictionary and it means to KILL!! Now I'll bear psychological scars the rest of my life because I discovered that my mother had been treatening to kill me when I was naughty. I confronted her with this once and she just laughed at me. She KNEW what the word meant!!!! 

My husband and I were talking and somehow we used the word "Guaranteed".

My daughter asked
"Whats guaranteed?"

I said it was something you can count on.

"Oh" she said "You mean 1-2-3!"

I often did not do reading homework when it was assigned. One day in religion class in high school the topic of discussion was "euthanasia". Since i had not done the reading and had never heard the word before, I thought we were discussing kids in China......

Until the age of 11 or 12, I thought the term used in boxing for a punch that was delivered to the chin in an upwards motion was an upper-cunt. It was my pastor who corrected me at a Christmas party at the church; and told me what I meant to say was an upper-cut...

This happened to my brother. He used to call everyone "maggot" as a rude term to get a rise out of people. It was many years later he found out that when he thought he was calling people a racist term, he was really calling them a form of larvae.

When my husband was very little and heard the phrase "Throw caution to the wind", he thought the person was saying "Throw cush into the wind". He told me that for years, he didn't know what "cush" was, and was too embarassed to ask anyone!

My father always used to say "save your breath" if we talked too much, and as a result I grew up thinking we had a limited amount of breath and that once used up it was curtains !

I got my definitons mixed up. When I was in high school I thought fornicator was another word for liar. So when my friends and I would joke and they'd lie about something I would yell out FORNICATOR, YOU FORNICATOR! Everyone would look ofcourse to see who'd fornicate in public.

I suppose the word I was looking for was fabricator.

I used to believe…

up until fourth grade, i thought that "compliment" was another word for insult.
so whenever i would make a joke about someone, you could see them chasing me around with me screaming "it's not a compliment! it's not a compliment!"

My two best friends were shopping and we passed a stand called 'The piercing pagoda' and one of my friends proclaimed "It's the Piercing Padoga!" She honestly thought it was called this. It wasn't just that she read it or said it wrong- She actually beleived the word Pagoda was pronounced Padoga.

One particular babysitter of mine was comforting me after I became hysterical and was crying over something or other. She started cooing "Calm down, it's okay." Having never heard anyone use the phrase "calm down", I thought she was saying "come down" (as in "come down out of the tree", or off of something high off). I looked up at her and said "Come down from where? I'm not on anything, i'm right here."

When I was little I thought that "involved" was a dirty word, and would get really embarassed when I heard my parents say it. Since it was my mom I usually heard it from, I thought it was a female private part. I think this is weird, because I was only about 3 or 4 at the time, but now realize that "involved" sounds a lot like "vulva." Coincidence?

until today, while reading a psych book, i found out ive been saying "disconserting" with an N making it "disconcerning" my whole life....im 20.

when i was 4 i used to believe that the only thing people ever said was their name!