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When I was little I thought This Old Man was "Dissell Man" and the only "man" I could think of was a snowman. When the song says "This Old Man came rolling home" I pictured a snowman, completely adorned, on its side rolling up to my back door.
I have a friend whose son knows that eight is a number and ate is the past tense of eat. Because of this, he thinks that as well as being able to say that you ate something, you can also say that you sevened it, or sixed it, and so on. (Maybe he thinks that refers to the number of times you chew each mouthful before swallowing it, in which case if you say you oned it then presumably you gulped it down in one go without chewing it first!)
I used to believe that "pathetique" was a fancy way of saying "pathetic". When i said something is pathetic, i said in a fancy voice "Yes, that is soooo pathetique"
I believed that when my dad said that he was going to "give me something to cry about" that he truly was gonna GIVE me something to make me cry like a frog or snake or something likewise slimy and scary.
One of my former close friends had a young sister, I believe she was 3 or 4, whom, at the sight of any sort of vehicle not deemed a "car," would excitedly scream, "Fuck! FUCK!!" until it had left her sight..
I used to believe that knock knock jokes were always funny and you could make them up out of any words. My favourite that I made up was:
(door handle who?)
When I was little I would always get confused with the words homo and hobo. One day, while in NYC, I saw a man sleeping on a bench. To my mother's horror I exclaimed, "Look! A homo!" and recieved many puzzled stares. I haven't mixed them up since.
I was having a conversation with my grandma one day, about history and things she historical events she lived through and whatnot, and she told me she was in a class (she was about 14) after JFK was shot and she couldn't understand why everyone was upset. She thought "assassinated" meant to win an award or was an honor.
When I started kindergarten, my teacher would call out our full names in class ('Jane Marie Smith' instead of just 'Jane Smith'). For the first week and a half, I did not answer and wondered why she never spoke to me. When she asked my why I never answered her, I explained that she never called my name. A heated argument followed and I went home to tell my mom how crazy my teacher was. I was outraged to find out that my middle name was indeed what the teacher had claimed and was NOT Pumpkin. I quietly apologized to my teacher the next day and have not been called "pumpkin" since.
I used to believe that people were born with accents.
i used to believe "eaves drop" was actually "ears drop"
The first time I heard the word "magpie" was in very casual conversation so I wasn't exactly sure what was said. I saw some while in the car with my dad and while pointing them out made the best guess I could at their name. I said "Look at those mudpies." My dad couldn't stop laughing and teased me about it for years even though I was highly embarrassed!
My mother used to believe that if she said the world "fuck" she would go to hell. So, when she was really frustrated with something, she would scream "Father Uncle Cousin King!" She later got over her fear of "fuck".
I used to think that my younger brother who was just learning to speak could talk to my even younger cousin who was just a baby (i don't even know where i got this strange idea) but when my cosin would cry i would try and get my younger brother to ask her to stop.
i used to think pedestrians were doctors. and that "serial killers" were "cereal killers." i thought i was a cereal killer because i ate cereal.
When I was younger I thought I had made up the word "nipples" and "thinga-majigger"
My mom was hosting a fundraiser one year, but I thought she was saying "fun razor". I wanted one (a fun razor)so badly because my dad would never let me play with his razors.
When I was younger I loved potpouri. But I always confused potpouri with diarhea, so I would go around stores chanting, "Diarhea! Diarhea!" because I always got excited when I saw a bag of potpouri. (I think I thought this because I pronounced potpouri as poperia, so it sounded like diarhea to me! And to this day I still pronounce it as poperia.)
When I was little, I used to get the words 'terrorist' and 'tourist' confused - so I used to think that tourists travelled around the world killing people.
When I was in kindergarten to third grade, I used to believe that scientific-sounding words were grownup words and that I shouldn't say them. I would try to avoid saying words like "atmosphere," "digestion," "photosynthesis," "abdominal," etc., and if I did have to say them, I got really embarrassed. I was even embarrassed by the song "Let's Go Fly A Kite" in Mary Poppins because it had the line "Up through the atmosphere, up where the air is clear."