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My mother used to believe that if she said the world "fuck" she would go to hell. So, when she was really frustrated with something, she would scream "Father Uncle Cousin King!" She later got over her fear of "fuck".
I used to think that my younger brother who was just learning to speak could talk to my even younger cousin who was just a baby (i don't even know where i got this strange idea) but when my cosin would cry i would try and get my younger brother to ask her to stop.
i used to think pedestrians were doctors. and that "serial killers" were "cereal killers." i thought i was a cereal killer because i ate cereal.
When I was younger I thought I had made up the word "nipples" and "thinga-majigger"
My mom was hosting a fundraiser one year, but I thought she was saying "fun razor". I wanted one (a fun razor)so badly because my dad would never let me play with his razors.
When I was younger I loved potpouri. But I always confused potpouri with diarhea, so I would go around stores chanting, "Diarhea! Diarhea!" because I always got excited when I saw a bag of potpouri. (I think I thought this because I pronounced potpouri as poperia, so it sounded like diarhea to me! And to this day I still pronounce it as poperia.)
When I was little, I used to get the words 'terrorist' and 'tourist' confused - so I used to think that tourists travelled around the world killing people.
When I was in kindergarten to third grade, I used to believe that scientific-sounding words were grownup words and that I shouldn't say them. I would try to avoid saying words like "atmosphere," "digestion," "photosynthesis," "abdominal," etc., and if I did have to say them, I got really embarrassed. I was even embarrassed by the song "Let's Go Fly A Kite" in Mary Poppins because it had the line "Up through the atmosphere, up where the air is clear."
One time there were fireworks outside, which is what I called them, but my parents said that there were fire crackers outside. I thought they were making crackers over a fire!
I thought when people said debit (like a debit card) they were trying to say "debut" and didn't realize the T was silent.
I used to believe the world spoke English except for French when I was little boy. I thought only the French spoke French. In the end one day a German spoke to me...
When I was young I always used to get the words "prodigy" and "prostitute" mixed up. And my older brother, after a piano lesson wanted to show off too me and out parents. When he was done, we all clapped and I blurted out " Well arent you just a child prostitute!"
This isn't mine, but my sister's. My sister is 5 and she recently saw the commercial for genital herpes. Well, I guess she figured "genital" was "genetic," because when my grandparents were over she proudly whispered to them: "I have genital dyslexia."
I used to believe that a "grilled cheese sandwich" was a "girl cheese sandwich" and would refuse them and demand a "boy cheese sandwich". I was a sexist little kid.
I thought the saying "run amok" was actually "run a muck" and figured a "muck" must be some weird measurement of distance I had never heard of!
When I was little I used to think that when people in movies would draw their swords and say "On guard", they were saying "I'm God". So whenever I play with someone and I'd pretend to draw my sword I'd shout "I'm God!".
As a child my father used to fix his car with a tool called a ratchet, I always thought he was saying "pass the rat sh*t" I always gave a confused look and meandered off incase I got wrong for knowing what a sh*t was. or even worse, had to actually pick it up!
When I was a kid, I was aware that "gender" was the word for if you were a boy or a girl, but that's the only word I knew for that. So in first grade when we took a standardized test for the first time, there was a space that said "sex" and I knew I'd never had sex before so I wrote "no".
I used to think testers were short for testacles! So in the shop i used to say can i try a testacle!
When I was around five years old, my cousin who is one year older than me came to visit. We were putting on our gear so we could go play in the winter snow. He was putting on his hat, it was one of those hats like a cap with a little pom-pom on top. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "putting on my buttocks." For the longest time after that I thought that the type of hat with a pom-pom was called a buttocks, and referred to it that way.