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I was little when the song that goes "im a bitch, im a lover. im a child, im a mother. im a sinner, im a saint...." first came on the radio. since my mom was a lover "she loved my dad" and she was a mother and her mothers child i also thought she was a bitch. as we were walkinginto target i said "mom, you are a bitch, are'nt you?
When I was a kid (actually, until about two years ago), my dad, my brother and I used to go skiing together almost every weekend. Well, on one of these outings, we were at the top of the hill, trying to decide which run to go down, and we noticed that one of the runs was called "FLICKER," written exactly like that, in all capital letters, except the "L" and the "I" were a little too close together, so my brother's eyes lit up as he pointed to it and said "Hey Emily, look what that hill's called!!!" My dad almost killed himself laughing. It was even funnier because, at this particular ski place (which catered to families), there were signs all over the place that said "No foul language," with a big red X through a picture of a tough-looking guy with cartoon expletives coming out of his mouth. So, my brother couldn't understand for the life of him why the people at the ski hill would break their own rule by giving one of the runs such a "vulgar" name, lol.
When my brother and I were younger my mother used to say "sugar!" instead of shit as she didn't want us kids to learn to swear. Consequently my brother thought that all such words were swear words and called me a "stupid cocoa" for years after.
Whenever i would talk on the phone, i thought if you said a bad word, the telephone would beep it out, i was talking to my mom (i was only about 6) and i had said shit and i thought it had beeped it out, it did not......
when i was 4 my 6 year old brother told me that sticking up the middle finger meant "im sorry"
later that day i was caught being naughty, so to make amends, i proudly flipped my mom the bird!
When I was about ten, I didn't yet know what the F word meant. I thought it meant flipping someone off. So one day on the bus, some kids were saying that word. I wanted to sound cool, so I joined in the fun and said, "I effed my cousin." Everyone started laughing, and I was so embarrassed I started to cry! Then one of my friends came up to me and told me what it really meant, and I started crying even more! Now, seven years later, I'm still mortified when I think of that moment.
When I was a kid my father swore so much at other drivers that I believed it was a neccesary part of driving. So when I'd ride my bigwheel up and down our street I would spout obscenities, which embarassed my father so much he hasn't sworn since 1984.
When I was about eight or nine, I discovered the lovely "f-word". I knew that my grandparents and my dad would pass out if they heard me say it, but I had to "feed my undying obsession" somehow.
So, I wrote it down on little sticky notes and hid them in a "secret place" (under the couch). Every so often, I'd sneak them out, go into another room alone, and read them while laughing hysterically.
Gosh, I can't tell you how many afternoons I sat in my grandparents' room, staring at little yellow pieces of paper with dirty words scribbled all over them.
It's not like every nine-year-old doesn't have problems.
When I was about 7, I thought that there was a swear word for every letter of the alphabet. I knew the A,B,F and S words but I desperatly wanted to know the other 22, so I'd go around saying random jibberish hoping that I'd get yelled at for saying the Z word or V word. I was a strange child...
My older brother would swear a lot around me and tell me that words like f**k and s**t were names. The words Ugly Whore was the name Louisa May, my mothers first and middle name. This didn't cause a problem until someone gave me a doll and asked me what I'd name it. Proudly I said, "She's Ugly Whore, like my mummy."
When I was little, I watched Cruella DeVil on 101 dalmations call her minions "morons". I didn't know what that meant, so I looked it up in the dictionary. It said something like "an adult with the mentality of a 12 year old".
I got in a bit of trouble when, after a boy in my class did well on a test, I kindly called him a moron. Being 8, I thought this was a compliment of the highest sort, saying he was as smart as a 12 year old.
When my brother was five he was sitting on the floor playing with his toys when out of nowhere he shouted "D*mn It!" My dad was like, "What did you say!?!" My brother inoccently, unaware that it was anything bad repeated to him. "I said "D*mn it!" My dad then explained to him that it was a bad word and that he should never say it again.
The next day my brother was sitting there again and broke out of nowhere with an unexpected "Sh*t!" My dad was now obviously slighty more upset than the last time jumped up. "What did you just say!?!" My brother jumped back and cryed out, "I said sh*t dad! I didn't say d*mn it! I said sh*t"!
When my niece was young, she heard the word "c*nt" somewhere and asked her mother what it meant. Her mother told her that it was a very "naughty" word and she would have to wait until she was a grown-up to understand. Trouble was, my niece must have been in a stage in which she thought all of the "naughtiest" words meant "poop'. For shortly afterwards I heard her say, "I gotta hurry to the bathroom before I c*nt in my pants!"
When I was in Kindergarten, me and my friends heard the word "F***" in a movie and decided it was a quick way to say "forget".
Not too much later in the movie, we heard the word "s***" and decided it was the word "sheet" with a thick accent.
About a week later, we were all in class, and one of my friends was having significant trouble with a math worksheet we were doing. However, the sheet was not being taken for a grade, so, with the teacher all of three feet away, I loudly and proudly showed off my accent with the phrase "f*** that s***!"
I remember thinking, "Did the teacher mark all over her face in red crayon?"
I also remember taking math worksheets very seriously the rest of that year.
I used to believe that the term 'flat tyre' was a swear. My parents' car broke down one day in the middle of the street. Trying to be helpful, I poked my head between the front seats and suggested it might be a flat tyre. I got a slap from my mum. I thought at the time I'd said something I shouldn't have...
one day, back in 2nd grade, i came home from school, stretched my arms and said...
"oh i feel like a slut"
for some reason i thought a slut was someone who was exhausted or really tired.
my mom overheard me immediately.
I was always very precocious, even at swearing, not like one girl I offended in the seventh grade. She caught up to me on the play ground one day and screamed at me in a fit of rage, "Amanda, I want to f*** you!" I was taken aback, but I scathingly told her that I only like boys. She blushed and stammered "I - I mean, I hope somebody else f***s you!" I said, "Thanks, I'd like that someday." She was speechless at this point, so I offered " did you mean 'f*** you"?" She said yes and slouched away humiliated. My friends and I had a great laugh after that.
I use to think that the phrase "holy shitakie mushrooms" was actually "holy shit, talking mushrooms!"
The latter one still makes more sense.
I grew up in an extremely conservative Catholic family and when I was around five or so my older sister's boyfriend came over. I can't remember exactly why, but I got very angry at him and screamed "YOU STUPID DEMOCRAT!" I thought it was a bad name you called someone.
I remember when I was very young, there was a television show on a saturday night. It was sort of a variety thing, and one segment of the show was called "gotcha!" it played pranks on celebrities like a candid-camera thing.
There was one celebrity who cursed alot and because this was prime time television they would put a "bleep" over the top of the word. I noticed that this was a regular thing and wondered what the "bleeps" where for.
I also noticed that when the crew would jump out near the end of the prank the amound of "bleeps" would rise. It suddenly dawned on me! The bleeps sounded exactly the same as a hospital heart monitors.
And thats why the amount of bleeps when up when the crew jumped out becuase they made him jump and his heart rate rised! stupid...