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I used to believe my middle name was a 'bad word' because my mom only used it when I was in trouble.
I used to think making promises was wrong, because my dad said, "Don't swear."
Before I was old enough for school, my folks had taught me that "pee" was a bad word...so whenever I had to recite the alphabet, I said those middle letters as "L, M, N, O, bad word". (By the time I hit first grade, thankfully, the teacher set me straight...)
When I was little I thought the word 'bastard' was just something you called your friends like 'buddy' or 'pal' because my dad called all his friends and brothers 'bastard', like "Hey, bastard how's it going?' When he took me back to my mom's house after his weekend with me I said "Hey bastard!" to her so happily.Mom was convinced my dad set me up to this and wanted to kill him.
My grandmother has always had very colorful language and I overheard her saying the word "bastards" as she was hitching up her knee-highs so I some how came to think that panty-hose were called "bastards." Imagine my moms surprise when I went into her room tugging at my tights and told her "MOMMY, I CAN"T GET THESE BASTARDS PULLED UP!" I think she later had a good laugh about it after she set me straight.
I thought "f*** you" meant "thank you" in an ironic way, like if you messed your work up and someone is upset.
My parents were huge hypocrites growing up. We kids were told profusely not to swear and do other things they called "ungodly". However, we learned quite a few curse words from Dad. When my brother was a teenager, one day he remarked about something or other: "that sucks." Well, my parents got all over him for it, and I couldn't understand why. I had never heard the expression: "that sucks", and i thought my brother had been mumbling about socks. I thought my parents had misheard him, thinking he'd said the word "fuck", and i tried to stand up for him, telling my parents that he'd only been talking about his socks!
When my brother was little, he used to get his sounds mixed up (specifically "sma" and "fa"). On a visit with a Doctor, he decided to have a tantrum in the very busy waiting room. Mum gave him a stern talking to and the threat of a smack at which point he dramatically sheilded himself and, much to the horror of the other paitients (especially my mother), cried out "Don't fuck me, Mummy! Don't fuck me!"
When I was in second grade, I was in a combination second/third grade class. Of course we idolized the third graders--they were the grownup kids, they were cool. One day at recess, they told us that if you stuck your middle finger up, you would promptly die and go to Hell. That didn't sound like a lot of fun.
When we were on vacation, I tripped and cut my middle finger. When my mom tried to get me to hold just that one up so she could put the band-aid on, I started screaming and crying and telling her I wanted to go to heaven.
When I was little, my grandparents used to read the Bible to me. There are a few times that it uses the A word. I got upset because I thought the Bible was cussing until my granny explained that it wasn't a bad word if you use it in context. A few days later, I was acting up, and my dad said he was going to bust my a... I flipped out and said, "Ooooom, you said a bad word. You didn't say it in context." Without missing a beat, Dad goes, "Well would it be in context if I said I'm gonna bust your donkey?" I laughed my head off.
I used to believe that when my dad yelled "Jesus!" at other cars when he drove me places, he was really saying "Cheeses!" So I started yelling that when I was upset. One day, my parents took me aside and told me not to say it anymore because some people found it offensive. I always wondered what they had against cheese.
When I was maybe five or so, I overheard my dad saying, "Son of a bitch." I didn't know what it meant, so I asked him, "Dad, what does 'son of a bitch' mean?" He answered, "Don't you ever say that again." I didn't realize that he hadn't answered my question, just forbid me to use the phrase, so when my older brother told me later in the day that he was going to take my portion of that night's desert I yelled at him, "SON OF A BITCH!"
when i was little i heard on a TV show someone say someone was a whore my whole family was there and i was confused and they wouldn't tell me what it was i then began to believe it was a another shorter word for horse (i know weird) and one day in the middle of the street i called my mum a whore because she wouldn't buy me any ice cream she was absolutely horrified i was 5 at the time :P
I used to think that when you swore, a beep would come out because the government was watching and they would cover it up just like on TV lol
At the age of about five, I was in the car with my parents, when someone cut us off. My father called the other motorist an asshole. I asked why the guy was a "donkey hole" and got in trouble.
Later that year, I said "son of a bitch" because I heard my cousin say it...and got in trouble. Since a literal son of a bitch would be a puppy, I was afraid to mention puppies around adults for months.
My mother told us that "mousketeer" and "kimosabe" were bad words. This was after we'd driven her nuts recreating scenes from "The Lone Ranger" and "Mickey Mouse Club." We believed her. I can only imagine how ridiculous we looked calling someone a "Mousketeer" in total anger.
When I was little I used to believe that god's last name was damnit
When I was little I believed that the "F word" was fart. My mom laughed at me when I told her.
When i was little i thought the F word was a religious person because my dad used to say "HOLY F..." alot.
until that day i said it in church!
My 3 year old son and I went shopping and as we were driving around the full car park he exclaimed "Mummy there's no fucking spaces!".
I blame his father...