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monsters

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i used to be scared that at night, alligators would walk our street. there were wild animal sounds at night, i asked my mom what they were and she answered, "Teenagers"

Anon
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For months I was terrified of going into the narrow passage behind our garage because I thought there was a spider that lived there who's body was made out of one of those cubes of potato you get in a meat 'n' potato pie.

Why this scared me I do not know.

Stephen
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When I was a kid, I believed that a little troll lived under our house and he was angry because we lived there. Since he was too small to make us move, he charged us taxes by taking one sock out of the dryer. I held this belief through college and have yet to hear a logical explanation for the disappearing sock

John
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I used to believe that the dinasaurs aren't really extinct, that we are all really dinosaurs, but we're just asleep and having this incredibly realistic dream that we're people.

ERDOC
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When I was a kid I used to read horror books. Mom said that I shouldn't read those, so I did. One book scared the crap out of me. I believed that the monster would come and get me. I shared a room with my sister. I rearranged the beds so that if the monster came in it would see her first and I had time to get away.

julie
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I used to believe that the bogey man would eat me if i did anything bad but if i did good things then he would eat my brother

Nazza
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My parents invented "Mr. Tooth Decay" when I and my brother were small. I envisioned him looking like the Mr. Bubble guy, only green,scowling and carrying a pic ax. Mr. Tooth Decay would knock on the bathroom wall (while staked out in the closet on the other side) whenever my parents felt we weren't spending enough time or effort brushing our teeth. Our parents told us if he made it into the bathroom, he would take out our teeth and run away with them. My brother and I totally fell for this and lived in constant fear of his arrival. Sometimes, Mr. Tooth Decay wouldn't even make it into the house, instead my dad or mom would yell, "He's coming up the walk right now!" We'd run to the bathroom and start brushing like mad. To this day I still jump if I hear an unexpected knock while brushing my teeth. I wonder what my parents were thinking scaring us like that!

Reading Redhead
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I used to believe in the 'New Year Man' when I was around 5 or 6. He was a tall, dark monster that would come to people's houses at midnight on New Year's Eve and eat whomever was still awake. I vividly remember sobbing and begging my grandparents to please for the love of God to go to sleep early on that December 31st and getting furious when they just laughed at me.

I have never been able to enjoy New Year celebrations.

Lisbeth
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I used to think there were monsters living inside the walls. This belief was validated when I stuck a key in an electrical outlet.

Justin
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When I was little my dad was stationed in Okinawa, and whenever he would come back, he'd tell me about how he'd have lunch with Godzilla. I firmly and solidly believed this, and would tell my friends at school. I even threw a rock at a 6th grader for saying my dad made it up!

Robb
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I was afraid of elephants due to the "Pink Elephants on Parade" dream sequence from Dumbo. When ever it was time for bed, I was afraid that the pink elephants would come and take me away. To get me to fall asleep, my father would spray "Pink Elephant Repellant" all over my room, rendering it safe for 24 hours from all packaderms.
I slept like a dream, but for over 3 months we had this ritual of the spraying.

Come to find out - it was Aquanet Hairspray, and yes, things in my room were very sticky!!

Anon
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I used to be afraid of the hyenas(especially Shenzi, he looked the scariest) from the Lion King. I was really afraid that they would be hiding in my room at night, and that they would eat me in my sleep. I once had a nightmare where one of the hyenas grabbed me by the foot, dragged me under the bed, and they all started tickling me in the dark. It made me really scared and I ended up screaming! To this day, I sleep with my blanket covering my feet!

Daniel
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As a small boy, I had watched a childrens programme about dinosaurs, they had used a block of flats as reference to show their enormous size.
As a result I used to be scarred witless as we walked home past a nearby block of flats - expecting a tyranasaurous to jump out from behind and to eat me and my mum.

Jamus
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When I was little I used dread the snow becausei used to believe in the Abominable Snowman----not the yeti----no, I believed it was actually a snowman that came to life when no-one was looking and crawl through your bedroom window at night and take you away. I think it was my older brother who put me up to this one--yeah come to think of it he was the same person who made me believe that Cystal Palace played their home games at Buckingham Palace.

Gary (frightened)
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when i was really small, like 4 or so, i used to believe that if you got too close to a white wall at night, the hamburger helper hand could reach out and grab at you and hold you hostage against the wall, because the walls are white, and so is the hand, so the hand can camoflauge itself against the wall. i was very scared for a long time because all the rooms in any of the houses i lived in were all white.

boo radley
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The Definitive Monster Protection Rules (I know they work, because I'm still here. ;)


1. Before going into a darkened bedroom, bathroom, or basement, throw something through the door or down the stairs. This will scare the monsters into hiding long enough for you to turn on the lights.

2. Leave a light on. The bathroom light down the hall is acceptable, but a nightlight is even better. Flashlights only make them hide until you turn it off.

3. Leave a plate of cookies just inside your baby brother's room. Monsters like cookies, too, and the scent will lead them to his room instead of yours.

4. Leave the door to your room open. This will allow your parents to more clearly hear your ear-piercing screams should a monster attack you in the middle of the night.

5. Monsters are as afraid of parents as children are of monsters, so bathe in your daddy's aftershave before you go to bed.

6. Wear Superhero Underoos instead of your jammies. This deceives the monsters into believing that you're a Superhero, and they'll be too afraid that you'll hurt them to attack.

7. Ensure that all closet doors and dresser drawers are fully shut or completely open. If they're closed, the monsters can't get out to attack you. If they're open, the monsters that are hiding inside will know that you know that they're there and they won't come out.

8. Put a pillow next to you in the bed and cover it up. There is a 50/50 chance that the monsters will attack it, instead of you.

9. Pull your covers up to your neck. Monsters are allowed to grab you by any body part, except the head, that isn't protected by even a thin layer of fabric.

10. Do not allow any part of your body to dangle over the edge of the bed in your sleep. The monsters under the bed will use this as a loophole to grab that body part and pull you under.

11. Make sure that your covers are flat across the rest of the bed. This enables you to see any suspicious bumps moving toward you under them and will give you enough time to sound off an alarm (the ear-piercing scream mentioned earlier).

12. Never, Ever, look under the bed after the lights are out

13. If you have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, don't - because this is the chance for which the monsters have been waiting. If you're unable to hold it until morning, jump at least a body length from the edge of the bed (so the monsters under the bed can't grab your ankles) then quickly make your way to the bedroom door without actually stepping on the floor. The clothes you left strewn across the floor when you changed into your jammies, rather than putting them in the hamper like your mama's asked a million times, can be used for this purpose.

This takes advantage of a little known point of monster law that states they are not allowed to grab a human child unless his/her feet are touching the floor. Contrary to what your mama believes, dirty clothes on the floor could save your life. Another obscure point of monster law states that they can't grab you if you're standing in a spot of light, but this is unreliable as a means of protection because the monsters will cheat if it's moonlight.


Addendum I: Green Jello = Monster Kryptonite.

Addendum II: Contrary to what your daddy will tell you, there is no such thing as the Potty Monster. He made this one up because he finds the expression on your mama's face amusing when you tell her that you peed your bed because you were afraid the Potty Monster might eat you.

~~heaven
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When I was young, I had a room that was high off the ground, and the window ledge was about ten feet from the ground. I used to think that skeletons were hanging by their finger tips outside the window and as soon as I fell asleep they would climb in to take my skin. I always used to open the window before bed and then throw things at the bottom of it to try and hit their fingers to break their grip. I don't know what started this, but it persisted until I was nine.

Colleen
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When i was around the age of five i used to believe that my older sister mutated into a zombie in the dark...seeing her in the morning didn't help much either...

Krissy
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There was a stained glass pattern in our front door that I thought looked like a man's face. I could also make out some spindly arms. I believed that, at night, he would step out of the door and come up to my room, suck me out of my skin and possess me. He also had minions, which were smaller, and could fly. I am twelve now, and I believed this until quite recently.

Anon
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Ok....when I was little... I would lie in bed awake for a while. You know how when there is complete silence, you can hear your heart beat in your ears? Well I would think it was Chubaca from starwars walking down the road making loud foot steps and I used to cry when I heard the sound...

Dylan
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