neighbourhood

when i was younger when i used to wee in the swiming pool my mum told me that if i ever did it again that a special dye would turn red and then the alarms would go of,

I used to believe that Pine Street, the main thoroughfare that ran behind our house, went all the way around the world. When we moved when I was 13, we moved east about 20 miles along the same road and even though I knew it by then it didn't go all the way around the world, I was still disappointed when my mom took us to the end of the street a few miles past our house.

When I was about three years old, the elevator Mother and I were riding in somehow skipped the ground floor and we went all the way to the basement. It was dark and spooky and there was a garbage incinerator in it. Men were feeding broken cardboard boxes and other trash into it and the fire was very high. I thought we had accidentally gone all the way down to Hell. I had nightmares about elevators for years.

I used to think that you could only buy stamps in a book of 4 (Because I always heard my mum say 'book of 4 stamps please')so the first time i went to buy stamps, I only needed one and I asked for '4 first class stamps' i was so annoyed when she started tearing 4 single ones from a big sheet, but i was too embarraced to say i only wanted one. How dumb is that.

My dad was in the Navy all throughout my childhood so was away quite a lot. When me and my sister would write letters and my mum would take us to the post box, my sister thought he lived inside it and would try to shout things to him through the slot.

I used to believe that when I bought a product tested 100 times, it meant that the stuff i was buying had actually been tested 100 times and I wondered why it didn't wear out and was expecting it to fall into pieces very soon.

Took me years to realize my mistake. I am a bit slow.

I used to see signs that said antiques and thought those people owned the property.

My partner used to believe that cul de sacs were full of dead hens. This was because her mother who had a strong Yorkshire accents and had told her they were dead 'ens!

Shop windows and walls from time to time have signs up saying 'BILL POSTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED' - i.e. people who illegaly stick up thingemajigs on these properties - and I was told (and believed) that there actually was a man called Bill Posters, who everybody seemed to dislike and want to prosecute. My heart went out to him. I mean these were up all over the country!

When I was about 3 or 4 my parents & I would often drive from Guelph to Toronto to visit my Grandmother. The trip home always felt longer...especially late in the evening. In reponse to my constant inquiry "are we there yet?", my mother would say "yes, I can see the Guelph lights now". I remember spending trip after trip trying to decipher the "Guelph" lights from the "Toronto" lights...how could she tell the difference??? I remember coming to the conclusion that "Toronto" lights were yellow (many of the city's highway ramp lights are) and that Guelph lights were white.

I used to believe that if I was walking along the street and I saw someone walking in step with me, left foot same time as my left, right same as my right, that that person would some day help me.

I used to believe the music from ice cream vans was made by the driver playing a xylophone. It never occurred to me that driving and xylophony aren't really possible at the same time.

I used to beleive, upon viewing half demolished houses, that they had in fact 'fallen down'. Thanks Mum and Dad.
Went home wondering when ours would collapse in on us.

Unable to Imagine how they built anything that high, and misinformed by my Dad, I used to think tall brick chimneys were 'grown' rather than built - simplay lay 3 courses and water regularly.

When I was around five, I asked my older brother where store mannequins came from; he told me that these were shoplifters that the store's boss had shot a ray at that turned them into stone, and that is why they were in such odd poses, as they were desperately running away when the ray got them- separate hand, arm, foot, and leg mannequins were grazing hits by the same ray, or when the store decided to show some mercy. I decided never to shoplift, and was in fear that I would see someone that I recognized as a mannequin someday.

My son came home from school and announced that I must go out and buy him some verrucas from the chemist in order for him to go swimming with the school. He insisted the whole class were getting them. I explained to him about the little plastic socks people sometimes needed to wear to the pool..............