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I kept seeing signs in store windows that said "CLEARANCE SALE", and for years I wondered who this guy Clarence was and why he was always having a sale.
For a few years in early childhood, I thought that all places that played Muzak had a full orchestra above the ceiling. I imagined them all sitting up there playing their instruments, tucked out of sight.
I used to be confused by signs in stores that said "sale" or "on sale". I thought to myself, "if this stuff is 'on sale', does it mean that you can't buy all this other stuff? And if you can't, why do they have the other stuff in here anyway?"
Hate to disagree with Anon, but lbs stood for libs or libbies. I was never too sure which. I knew there were pounds, but you didn't use those in stores. Just when you weighed people.
My uncle convinced me that elevator doors wouldn't reopen until a crew of men quickly changed all the furniture.
I used to believe the abbreviation lb. stood for a unit of measurement called an "ilible". So, I'd be at the grocery store with my mom thinking we were getting 2 "ilibles" of something.
I used to believe that when you went into an elevator in a department store, that hundreds of short men (oompa-loompa-like) would rush out and change everything around in the brief few seconds before the elevator doors would open again. I thought the people browsing on the floor were plants -- actors that were there to make you feel like the whole scene was real.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of escalators in department stores. I thought that once I reached the top or bottom I would get sucked in.
My mum told me that the programmes being shown on the tellies in Rumbelows window were always on earlier than the ones at home as I was upset at missing playschool. I fell for it.
I believed that you could get sucked into the gap at the end of the escalator, the moving stairs disappear into the floor. I was terrified of going on the escalator and would walk backwards on it until I worked up the guts to take a running jump over it. These days I sometimes let my feet slide off the escalator onto the ground just to prove to myself that I can't fit through the gap even if I try.
there is a venue near my parents' home called "private dancer/adult bookstore." i always wanted to go there when i was little because it combined the two things i loved so much: dancing and books. i was taking tap lessons at the time, and thought one day i'd be able to perform there, my first step on my way to broadway. also, i was jealous of the adults who went to the "adult bookstore." i thought that meant they were books for people who were advanced readers. i couldn't wait until i was well read enough to go there. little did i know they were all picture books.
my mother used to play jokes on me all the time. This is a good example:
We were living in germany, my pops stationed at an Army base over there. Me and Mom go out to the Post Exchange (for you civilians out there, think the military version of a Wal-Mart)
A bunch of men were doing excercises. They were stretching out their quads by placing their hands against a wall of a small building. To anyone, especially a gullble child, it looks like they are, with all their might, trying to hold up the wall
My mom says, "During World War II, American bombers destroyed most of this area. Ever since, they have had to have people hold up the walls so the building doesnt collapse"
For at least 6 months, every time i saw soldiers doing stretching exercises, i totally believed that they were actually holding up the wall
as a sidenote: my mother did this so often, by the time i turned 10, i didnt believe ANYTHING she said. To this day.
so i'm 7 and looking through this mail order catalogue full of high-tech gizmos and wanting most of it but thinking i'd never save enough money for any of it. after all, it was all over $100. then i saw it. some items said "rush" and then a much smaller amount. so i asked my aunt what that meant and when she explained i was perpelexed.
why would anyone spend 100 on something and have it take a month to be delivered when you could just spend 7 and get it in less than a week?
When I was a kid and you used to see posters in empty shop windows saying "Bill Posters will be Prosecuted" I thought Bill Poster was a person and must of been really naughty to warrant so many notices put up about him!!
I was about five and my mother was taking something to some re-sale shop to be sold and she said she was doing it for Christmas money. In my mind she was going to end up with all this gloriously shiny and all different colored coins. I could hardly wait to see that Christmas money.
When I was about 5, I managed to misinterpret the concept behind "cents-off" coupons. If a coupon said "save 15 cents", I was certain that it meant you had to pay ALL your money except for 15 cents that you were allowed to SAVE, when paying for that product. And i really could not undertand why anyone though that was a good thing...
I used to believe that price tags in stores were what the store paid to get them from the manufacturer; they paid their employees from the sales tax
When my dad and I went to the new supermarket (in Canada) I asked him why one door had "IN" and the other door was marked "TUO". He said this was french for "in". He was a highschool teacher and spoke a little french and I believed him.
When my mother and sisters would leave the house on errands without me, I would always ask, "Where you goin?" and my mother would always reply, "Crazy."
I used to believe Crazy was an interesting store on the eastern border of my hometown that I was never allowed to go to.
When I was little I believed that you had a limited number of words and a limited number of steps that you could take in one day. The limit was 100 of each (because 100 seemed like a very big number). If you went over the limit then you wouldn't be able to speak or walk until the next day when your limit was renewed. I remember being in a department store and trying to keep my sentences as short as possible and to walk only when I had to!