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When my dad and I went to the new supermarket (in Canada) I asked him why one door had "IN" and the other door was marked "TUO". He said this was french for "in". He was a highschool teacher and spoke a little french and I believed him.
When I was little, going to the grocery store with my parents was an adventure. At the end of the first isle was the dreaded produce section. My dad liked to pick up a coconut and tell me it was a monkey head. The three dots at the end were the eyes and mouth of the monkey. He would wave the "monkey head" at me and make me scream until my mom told him to cut it out. When I grew up and realized it was NOT a monkey head, I turned around and did the same thing to my little sister. LOL
I thought strip malls were just that, stripper clubs.
I used to live next to a sattelite store when I was younger. They had a huge advertisement that said " We Do Dishes!" One day my mom and I were walking past it and I told her we should take them our dirty dishes and have them clean them instead of me and my siblings. She explained to me what it really meant and I was kind of upset because that meant I still had to do the dishes.
I still laugh to myslef everytime I pass that advertisement...
When i was little i used too believe that gas at the gas pump came strait from the ground. Like a pie in the ground the gas came up from directly into your gas tank.
When my brother was around 5 years old, he saw a woman in a black burqa for the first time at Walmart and he yelled "Look Mommy!! A ninja!". The woman just laughed and my mom was mortified!
I used to think everytime my mom took my to the supermarket, she was willing to trade me for another son and I kept asking myself who would be my new parents, how much I would cost and stuff
When I was a little kid, about 4 or 5 years old, my mom would take me shopping. Everytime she bought something, she put down pieces of paper (which were bills) and some circular metal thing down (which were coins). So then I thought "Maybe it's like trading." The next time we went shopping, I brought pieces of paper with me and a couple of pennies. I took the toy I wanted, handed some paper and pennies to the cashier, and left.
I use to believe that shop window manequin were real people.I thought it would be great to be paid to stand in a shop window.Imagine my horror when a shop assistant detached a arm.
When my mom came home with a new coat or purse from the store, I'd always like to look into the pockets because they kept those freshner salt packets in there. When I found them, I use to think the packets were drugs that the person making the coat "left" in there. I always wanted to call the cops about each packet I found.....
Once I saw some people get in the elevator, then come right out. (Obviously they changed their minds)
This confused me, and I thought this meant that when you went in an elevator, you came out on the same floor you started on, only it looked different to you. (Although to everyone else on that floor, they would reocgnize you when you came back out.)
I couldn't figure out how this worked!
I remember thinking that the "Nude Furniture" store was some sort of naughty place.
Well, when I was young I wanted to be a farmer because of my love for animals. Everytime my mom told me that we were going to the pharmacy I got really excited because I thought we were going to the farm, and whenever we got out of the car and went into a store instead I would ask my mom, "I thought we were going to the pharmacy?" in which she would reply "This is it" but I never really grasped that for a while.
I used to believe (thanks to my older brother Joe) that if you hit the red button in the meat department at the grocery store, the butcher would come out and chop your hand off.
When I was little, my 2 older sisters told me that if I didn't make my exit off an escalator fast enough, the rotating belt would grab my shoelaces and suck me under. They said it happened to a little boy and so even I know it's not true, I always make sure I get off the escalator early enough to not get sucked in
I thought change was the store's way of saying thank you.
When I was little and my mother left me in the car while she ran into the shops I used to think that if I froze whenever someone walked past, they'd think I was some kind of statue and therefore would not kidnap me. I taught this to my little brother and sister who tested this idea out when they spilt a bottle of milk on the floor. My father walked in and they froze like statues, standing right next to the mess. My father (somehow saw them) punished them.
When I was 6, my mom used to send me to the butcher’s in the neighborhood to fetch the meat or mince she ordered. The butcher would just give me the packed meat with a big smile on his face, and he never asked for money. When I was with friends, I kept on bragging about getting meat for free, until I figured that my dad were paying him monthly!
My father made me belive that it only through yelling at the ATM that it would give us its money. Thus, in order to go shopping, he would hold me up to the machine, and i would scream and yell and shout at the machine until finally, money would pop out.
It was only once i got older that i noticed the stares of passersby and the howling laughter from my dad.
I used to think that store mannequins were shoppers that had been kidnapped and put into some giant machine in the back of the store. Needless to say, I did not leave my parents side in a clothing store!