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I Used To Believe newsletter: April 2004

hi,

it would be safer to stay indoors this month - it's raining tomatoes and cottage cheese and mr bond is ordering cocktails "explosive, not stirred".

another typical day in the life of http://iusedtobelieve.com .

see you next month,

mat.

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I thought that the weather man had a machine that controlled the weather. Every day he would pick whatever weather he wanted it to be, and that's how he was able to forecast what the weather was going to be. I also thought he could do really random ones if he wanted, like making it snow cottage cheese.
john

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When I was about 3 my skin started to peel on the bottom of my feet and my older sister took the opportunity to pick on me. She told be that I was turning into a lizard and that if I peeled the skin myself it would only speed up the mutation. I was so scared that I tried to tape my skin back together. It didn't work.
Echo

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When I was younger, I noticed how the dead animals on the highways were always at the SIDES rather than in the middle so I asked my mom, "How come people swerve to the side of the roads just to kill the animals???!!!"
Elizabeth

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I believed that pigs could actually fly. I'm 13 and found out this year that they can't.
Boy I'm Blonde

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I used to believe that teachers could make up their own name when they became teachers, I didn't realize it was their last name. I thought they could just pick one, such as Ms. Smith ...
Kim

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I used to think that tornados and tomatoes were the same thing. I was watching a show about growing tomatoes, and they were showing a tomato cage. I thought a tomato cage was used to catch a tornado so it doesn't destroy anything.
TB Samurai

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I used to believe that there were dead people in the bases of bouncy castles.
Anon

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When I was about four, I believed that statues (the big ones in parks) were bad people covered over with cement. I didn't understand why they had to cover their horses with cement too sometimes! I thought this is how criminals were punished before there were prisons!
Keri Cahill

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My sister thinks that there are elves in the traffic lights, and that they have different color butts, one red, one yellow, and one green.
Yessa

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I used to think that if a lawyer lost his case, he had to go to jail with his client.
Anon

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Until I was about 12 years old or so, I thought Heaven was on the Moon. My grandfather had died when I was young and whenever I asked Granny where he was, she would point to the Moon. Needless to say, seeing Neil Armstrong set foot on "Heaven" was disconcerting.
Marty

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I used to think that the doctor could chose the babies gender by cutting the umbillical cord long (a boy) or cut it all off (a girl). Now I know that thats not how it happened, and that the cord connects your stomach!
Ashley

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When I was little, my dad told me I had freckles on my face from throwing rocks in the toilet. For the longest time I would try to rub the freckles off my face.
Anon

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I used to think that if I held my breath, closed my eyes, plugged my ears with my hands, and remained completly still, that time all around me would stop... Stop laughing, it could have worked.
Dero

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I thought the first line of the Australian national Anthem was: "Australians all eat ostriches, For we are young and free"
Xyla

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I have a slight hearing problem and in church I made a few mistakes. Instead of singing "up from the grave he arose" I would sing "up from the gravy rose." I never quite understood it. The same with "deliver us from evil" which I believed to be "deliver us from weasels." At weddings I thought "holy matrimony" was "holy macaroni". I thought macaroni was some secret part of a wedding ceremony we weren't allowed to see.
cheech

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When I was a kid a friend of mine told me about this alien movie he had seen. In one scene the good guys were on a roof throwing Molotov Cocktails at the aliens. I didnít know what that was, but didnít want to ask either. I had this image in my head of people on a roof throwing Martinis at the aliens and wondering how that was going to help.
Anon

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I used to believe that whatever year of a car you owned, the radio in that car only played music from that year.
Melissa

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When I was little, and in the car with my dad, and he pushed the button for the cigarette lighter, I always thought there was a dragon in it. So that when you pushed the button to start heating it up, there was a stick that poked the dragon, and he got mad a breathed fire on the lighter .. and voila, it was ready! I think I may have watched too many Flintstones cartoons at that age... haha.
Brandy

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When I was little, I heard my mother call my belly button a "navel." A few days later, she offered me a navel orange. I was convinced that it was some sort of belly button fruit and from then on I spent hours cleaning out my navel with Q-tips and antiseptic.
Kelly

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