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I Used To Believe newsletter: April 2006


Hi,

We've just launched a new website called This makes me laugh! www.thismakesmelaugh.com features real, really funny photos as submitted by our visitors. Check out the site add your own funny snaps!

This month we have tactics to make your children do well at school, to avoid death when using shampoo or elevators, and to dismount from elephant singers.

Have fun,

Mat.

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When I was 6 years old my parents jokingly told me that I had once had an older brother Charlie. When he brought home a B on his report card they shot him and buried him in the backyard. I made no grade less than an A until my second year of college.
Caleb C

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I used to believe that "Tallest Person in the World" was a job and that it paid good money. When I was in elementary school I always tried to be the tallest and when someone beat me I was heartbroken.
Anon

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As a child I was afraid of elevators. I was afraid that if you didn't push any buttons the elevator would either go somewhere out of the building pulling near-fatal Gs or just vanish, taking you along with it.
NedTheScientist

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I used to believe that the water used by firefighters was not regular everyday water but special powerful water to put out fires.
fiona donnican

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I used to believe that Bruce Lee died when he burst from being full of sweat. My dad told me that he had his sweat glands removed so that he wouldn't sweat on film.
vwsista

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On shampoo bottles it says "make sure hair is wet". I asked my mom what would happen if my hair was dry and she said I would die. I was really nervous for a long time.
Ann

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I heard the joke "How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a duck". I didn't know that "down" had two meanings. For the longest while I thought that if someone were sitting on an elephant that they couldn't dismount directly but had to use a two-step process: first move from the elephant to a duck, then get off the duck.
medina

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Whenever I was bad my mom would ask "Do you want a spanking?!" I thought a spanking was when she and I would wear ninja suits and have a swordfight to the death. I didn't want to die that way so I always said no.
The_Journalsit

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My older cousin told me that kids who ate too much candy wouldnt grow. I was a short kid. I loved candy. I tried not to eat candy from then on but she said that it was too late for me. I cried for days.
Sugar Buzzzzzzzzzzz

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I used to be believe that vanilla ice cream was the healthy flavor.
Anon

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During a wedding, when the bride and groom left the altar to go to the sacristy behind the altar, I always though that they were going in there to get the equipment for making babies. In actual fact they went in there to sign the registry.
Lorraine

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When I was 3 I thought that bathing suits were formal clothes that people wore when they were having a wedding underwater.
Anon

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I used to believe fog was caused by cows smoking cigars.
La Duchesse

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My son was premature and had to be kept in an incubator for a few weeks. My daughter told everyone at school "My Mummy's put my brother Ben in a greenhouse to help him grow."
MJ

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I used to believe that human beings were human beans, and it was just a stroke of luck that one was born a human bean rather than a regular bean. I used to think that mexican jumping beans were sort of a missing link betweeen regular beans and human beans.
Jim Trychon

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I used to believe that the pictures on cans or jars of food were of the contents. Dog food was made out of dogs, specifically the dog that was on the label of the can. I could never figure out why there were so many dogs that looked exactly alike. Don't even ask what I thought about baby food!
TK

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When I was younger I thought that stores with Help Wanted signs were encouraging people to help criminals wanted by the law. I always felt very roguish shopping at these stores.
Lindsey B

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I thought that singer Ella Fitzgerald was called Elephants Gerald.
tiny jazz fan

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I used to think that the cat's eyes on the road were real cat's eyes. They kept you on the right side of the road because if you ran over them they would get squashed and be really yucky.
Lisa R

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When I was younger I heard the expression 'starting over cold turkey' and thought it meant a person had no job and could only afford to eat cold turkey.
Amanda

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