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I Used To Believe newsletter: August 2004

hi,

it's the moment you've all been waiting for - i used to believe is finally in print! it's available now in bookshops in the usa and canada as well as online retailers, and will be soon in australia and new zealand. with 200 of the best beliefs and colourful illustrations on every page, it makes an excellent stocking filler (only around 100 shopping days till christmas!)

see you next month,

mat.

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I use to believe if I ate something electronic I'd have electric powers
jack L

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we sang a song at church 'i will make you fishers of men if you follow me'. i used to get confused cos i thought it said 'i will make you vicious old men'. I always wondered why being vicious was good ...
Anon

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In the first grade, I heard one Mom talking to another Mom, bragging about how her child had gotten "straight A's". I examined my own perfect report card very carefully, quite upset that my A's might not be straight.
Sharyn420

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when i was about 4 or 5 i used to believe that jesus was a horse ... well we were always told that he was born in a manger, so it seemed logical, i just couldn't figure out why we were all worshiping a horse.....
jude

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I thought that the stripes of the zebra crossings was from a squashed zebra.
Helen

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Until the age of 12, Richard Branson was the lead singer of The Bee Gees. No-one told me this, I must have just seen the whole blonde hair and moustache/goatee affair and presumed. I was gutted when I found out, mostly because I found out by confidently telling all my friends and then being mocked for a few years.
Boglin

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I used to believe that the toilets on airplanes emptied out in the sky and would fall into cities, so I would write notes on a napkin with my name on it and flush it, thinking I would get a pen pal down below. Then I would ask my mom if I got any mail when we got home. Don't ask....
gee

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I once asked my mother how it was that chickens could continue to run around after their heads had been cut off. Instead of simply saying she didn't know, she fooled me into thinking that it was because they had brains in their toes. It wasn't until years later when I told my friends (who rolled around for ages in fits of laughter) that I realised how ridiculous this was.
Sian

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I used to believe that any room with the sign PRIVATE on it was full of private parts, even though I wasn't too sure what they would look like, all strung up with no people attached to them.
NO ENTRY! PRIVATE!

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My Boyfriend told me that when he was little he thought that when people died God would hide the bodies behind the washing machine.
Afriendofafriend

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When I was little, my mom used to leave me at my friend's house. My friend had trouble sharing and got into trouble a lot. I thought that if she was bad enough, her mom would give her to my mom so that we could eat her.
Joanna

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I had an aunt who died when I was, um, four or five, I suppose. My mom told me when we would be going to the funeral and such. I was pretty nervous, because I was under the impression that, at the church, the body would be inside a glass coffin, suspended from the ceiling. To this day I have no idea where this bit of imagery came from.
mark

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Whenever me or my brothers were getting told off, my mum would say "if you do that again you will get a good hiding!" When she said it I pictured myself actually hiding in the wardrobe or another good hiding place.
michelle

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I used to think that my family was in the witness protection program because my brother and my names were so boring (Nicholas and Amanda).
Amanda

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I used to believe that in swimming pools with the thick black lines separating the lanes, that if I stepped or touched one of the black lines sharks would come out and get me. Thank you brother.
Megan Brown

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i used to think that the flushing of the toilet sounded exactly like the theme music from sesame street. every time i flushed i would kinda hum along. i don't hear the similarity anymore, but every time i flush i'm reminded of my misguided musical mind.
emma

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I believed that inanimate objects had feelings and opinions. When we'd go clothes shopping I thought that my new clothes didn't like me, and wished that someone else had bought them instead.
dbigtex56

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In the song 'fear of the dark' (Iron Maiden) I used to think it was 'fear of the duck'. Couldn't quite figure why everyone was so afraid of that duck ...
Diadora

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I believed until quite recently that chain smokers all got together in a group and smoked each others cigarettes, then passed them on in the circle.
A naive teenager

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I used to think that if my mom was late to pick me up from school the teachers would chain me to the fence and go home!
Anon

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