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I Used To Believe newsletter: August 2005

Hi,

This month's crop features tips for the driver: state your destination clearly when entering your vehicle, beware of low-flying sticks and dangerously swerving cars and don't mention the f*** t***. If all else fails you could be riding the Italian Greyhound home. Visit www.iusedtobelieve.com for more!

Have fun,

Mat.

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I used to think that a mosque was a place where mosquitoes live.
Anon

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To clear up confusion, my mom always started spelling her name by saying "N as in Nancy..." I was confused and decided that my mom's middle name was really Enasinantsy. I named my teddy bear Enasinantsy after my mom, too.
Sister Amanda

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While in Italy with my family, I was disappointed that I never got to ride on a tiny bus. I had heard someone say that Italian Greyhounds were much smaller than familiar Greyhounds but only figured out later was that they were talking about dog breeds, not buses.
Alison

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I used to wonder what kind of insect 'uncles' were named after. I had 'ants' figured out.
Kimberly in AZ

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A friend used to think that the conveyor belt where you collected your luggage at your destination was the same one you put it on when you checked in.
Alan

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When I was a little kid, I though that circumcision was another word for getting your kid neutered. I believed that parents did this so their kids wouldn't have babies too young and that it would grow back in about 10 years or so.
no grandchildren

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I used to believe that Newton's 3rd Law (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) could work both ways. I used to walk down the hallways worriedly thinking "what if the wall pushes first?!"
1st Year Engineering Student

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As a 3 year old, I always believed that the "no right turn" signs on traffic islands meant "no boomerangs". Being from Australia, this seemed perfectly logical.
Jem, Melbourne

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One day I learnt that Marie Curie discovered the x-ray machine. For a long time I thought she had discovered it by digging it out of the ground.
Anon

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I thought the turn signals in the car went off because the car knew your destination and was giving you directions. Since I never caught anyone saying "Car, we are going to the grocery store" I assumed the car listened to our conversations and inferred where we were trying to get to.
Amy

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I used to believe that rivers and seas were filled up by giant taps every the morning. One year we went to the seaside and I stepped into the freezing sea and shouted "They should have run some warm water shouldn't they?" to my parents. They have never let me forget this.
rosie

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When I was a little kid I was convinced that Little Richard and Captain Hook were the same person. They both had the same hair, mustache and clothes but I could never figure out how Little Richard played piano so well with a hook for a hand.
foogirl4

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Every night as I climbed the ladder to my bunk bed and got to the third highest rung, I would close my eyes and scramble up as fast as I could, fearing that when my sister turned into a werewolf she would eat my ankles.
Joe Nathan

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I believed that a census was taken by a helicopter that flew over the cities with someone counting each and every person.
chelsaea

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My older brother's name is Michael and we call him Mike for short. When I asked my mom what the thing plugged into the wall with a door was, she answered "That's a microwave." I was heartbroken and angry that my brother had a kitchen appliance named after him but I didn't.
Kaitlyn

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I used to believe that bald men had hair where their skin should be and skin where their hair should be. I had a strange picture in my head of a yeti-type thing with hair covering all of his body except his scalp, armpits and beard.
Baldybeard

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Until I was 14 I truly believed that cooking chocolate had a laxative effect unless it was cooked in cakes.
Dean J Mitchell

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I used to believe that the term 'flat tyre' was a swear word. My parents' car broke down one day in the middle of the street. Trying to be helpful, I suggested it might be a flat tyre. I got a slap from my mum - I thought at the time I'd said something I shouldn't have.
tb

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For the longest time I thought that the road signs alerting you to a winding road ahead (with the car and the winding marks behind its tires) meant watch out for drunk drivers.
Ez

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When I was little I asked my mom how doctors knew if a baby was a boy or a girl. My mom told me they had a "special gift".
maggie

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When I was a kid I believed that the satellites they put into space were to watch for people who littered.
Ez

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When I was little I wanted to be a lollipop lady when I grew up because I believed that you got paid in lollipops.
linda

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For the longest time I thought Pig Latin was a language spoken in Europe.
Anon

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I was always told that people go to heaven when they die. I remember hoping that no one ever died in a car because then there would be a big hole in the roof after they had floated up heaven.
Nikki

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At the front of our church was a huge crucifix with a bloody Jesus hanging on it. I would bring band-aids to church every Sunday and leave them on the pew when we left. It took me a long time to figure out why he never used them.
Katchoo

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