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I Used To Believe newsletter: August 2007

Hi,

This month, it turns out that there's more to teaching than meets the eye. While we're on the subject of exclusive clubs, next time you buy a digital watch, don't be surprised if the shop assistant gives you a knowing look.

For more great beliefs visit www.iusedtobelieve.com or get the book of the site, Butter Comes From Butterflies, available from Amazon and all good booksellers!

Have fun,

Mat.

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After my grandmother died, my parents kept telling me that we would always have a part of Grandma with us. On the car ride back from the funeral, there was a bag on the seat beside me. When I touched it, it was squishy, just as I imagined a liver or a heart would feel. Was it true that we were taking home an actual part of Grandma? I was petrified of that bag for the entire trip home. It turned out to be pound cake.
Silly girl

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I used to believe that baby oil came from squeezing babies.
Angelina

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I used to believe, after my mum told me, that the Ferrero Rocher that people ate on adverts were chocolate covered sprouts to cut down on expenses.
Iz

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Approximately from 3rd to 4th grade, I suspected some sort of secret society existed in the area where I lived. I gradually began to notice that large groups of people, such as in a restaurant or crowded streets, they would occasionally signal each other. If you were in such a crowd long enough, you might hear a tiny electronic *beep*, sometimes it might a double *beep-beep*. A few minutes later, a beep answers from somewhere else. These little beeps are hard to localize so you can't really tell who it's coming from. This signaling would slowing build up, then fade away. I didn't think they were exchanging information, more of a "I'm here, too" reassurance to each other. I couldn't figure out who these people were or what their organization was about; the groups of people that signaled each other seemed random and there were no other clues i could discern. Later I realized it was digital watches beeping on the hour.
HermitCrab

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My uncle (who is bald on top) once told me - when I asked him why he was - that he had run holding a stick. I was skeptical, but thought he was possibly right, but there was no way I was giving up the imaginary medieval wars with my friends. Running while holding a stick figured prominently in these games.
Miss Taken

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My older sister used to tell me that she would let me go first when playing a board game if she got to go first, first. I thought that was a bargain. I remember the day that her reasoning no longer made sense.
Bellah

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I used to believe that the teacher's lounge was where the teachers went to make out.
Julia

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I used to believe that the UK government gave everyone a video camera for the sole purpose of putting people on You've been Framed! I was proved wrong when I asked where ours was.
Heather

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I used to think that chicken kievs were made from posh Russian chickens that had been exclusively fed on a diet of butter and garlic. I also thought that they would wear little fur hats, because it was cold in Russia.
Sarah, UK

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I used to think that after watching a movie in a theatre, the music during the end credits was there for you to dance to. Needless to say I was the only one who ever stood in front of the entire theatre and danced.
Delilah

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I used to believe that teachers didn't actually have first names and they were all christened with the name 'Mr' or 'Miss' so they knew they were gonna be a teacher when they grew up.
Sally

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I used to believe that animals that hibernated in the winter would just lay on the ground and fall asleep. When the snow hit them it would make them lose consciousness. I was afraid to walk around outside because I was scared I was gonna step on a bear or another animal.
Angelina

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I used to believe that hotdogs (as morbid as this is) were penises from dead men. I had a horrible fear of eating a hotdog.
Juls

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I used to believe that tow trucks would steal my toes. So when we were driving in the car I used to sit in my car seat and hang onto my toes for dear life!
Jewlz

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I used to believe that there were little people inside my radio who sang the music. When my radio broke I figured they'd died. Imagine my surprise when I was opening my Christmas present and I got a new radio. How had they been able to breathe in the wrapping paper? I figured this one wouldn't work either, Santa had suffocated them.
Miss Informed

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That flea markets sold fleas.
Sarah

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When I was small, after seeing a poster in McDonalds, I thought that robbers were little burgers with blindfolds. It made sense because another name for them was 'burglars'.
Emma

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I used to believe that when you sleep you have to cover your whole body. If you didn't a robber would come in and cut off whatever part of your body was showing. Sometimes I left my hair out hoping I could get just a haircut.
tommy

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My older sister convinced me that snails were the slyest creatures around. Although they crawled really slow, as soon as someone walked by they would jump up onto the leg and stick there. I still have difficulty casually walking past a snail.
Anon

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Every old person I met smelled bad, and I thought old people smelled bad because they were slowly rotting.
Jasmine

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