I Used To Believe newsletter: August 2011
Sorry if you missed a newsletter last month - we're in the slow process of transferring to a new system. Remember you can update your email preferences at any time, just use the links at the bottom. This week it's work-work-work, that huge office party from Monday to Friday that everyone goes to, from executive interns to "working girls".
My parents used to tell me that my hair looked like a rat's nest in the morning. So, at night I would roam around my room looking for giant rats.
When I was in 6th or 7th grade, there were stop-sign shaped signs all over the school, that said, "STOP STDs!" None of us even knew what STDs were, but we just knew you'd get arrested for them...
When I was a freshman in high school, I remember when my phys. ed. class was learning volleyball. My phys. ed. teacher taught us about a "forearm pass" and I thought he said "four-arm pass." Sometimes when he told us to do a "forearm pass", I got confused and thought, "How can you do a four-arm pass if we only have two arms?! I'm not Goro (from Mortal Kombat)! It took me some time to realize what my teacher was really saying.
When I was younger, my parents somehow convinced me that when you felt like you had already done something before, you were having a ménage à trois, instead of experiencing déjà vu.
When I was little my parents told me tornadoes were afraid of water to keep me from having panic attacks when tornadoes came since we lived next to a lake. Freshman year, I was at my friends house and the tornado sirens went off. I told her not to worry because she had a pool in her backyard. Needless to say, I haven't heard the end of it.
If you pee your pants too many times, the pee-pee fairy will decide you can't handle the pee-pee you have and switch your gender.
When I was little I thought cows married horses, cows were all female and horses were all male.
The bus needed coins to run; it would melt them down and use them as fuel.
I used to believe that you could literally waste your breath. If you talked too much, someday you would just run out of air and die.
When my step dad farts it sometimes makes sort of a quack sound, so when I was a kid, after he would fart, he would say "whoa, did you see that duck run by?!" Then I'd actually go looking for the duck. This also made me believe that ducks could run so fast that you couldn't see them, cuz every time "a duck ran by" I couldn't see it.
When I was little, my parents would always stop when we drove underneath bridges on the highway. They had me convinced that the noises of the cars above us were really dinosaurs. I believed that for the longest time.
When I was young I saw an anti drug commercial warning viewers about "sniffing". I thought this mean sniffing when you had a cold so I was always worried to "sniff" too much until I was about 15
I used to believe that whenever my parents were going to work they went to a huge building where all the other grown-ups went to have a huge party.
I used to believe up till i was around 10 years old that Santa Claus didn't exist since I was told that he died in a sleigh accident :)
I used to believe that I could trick gravity so that I could fly. I tried to casually walk off a playhouse roof with the belief that gravity would not be paying attention and that I would be able to walk on air. Sadly, the only result was a few bruises.
Until I was 12 I used to think that virginity was a religion. I was brought up in a very religious house hold; every Sunday I was in church. I didn't fully understand the title "Virgin Mary". In church they made it sound like it was a miracle that she was a virgin and still had Jesus. I thought that it was because you couldn't have a baby that was a different religion than you, being Jesus was a Jew and Mary was a Virgin... when I was 12 my friend set me straight.
Up until I was nine or ten, I believed that if you broke the law--for anything, ever--you would go to jail for the rest of your life. I didn't know that there were such things as five-year or even three-month sentences. You went to jail, end of story, never came out. I was very confused when I watched the third Wallace and Grommit movie and the paper said "Grommit gets life" for being framed as a sheep-stealer. I thought that meant he was going to be executed.
up until recently I thought intern was just another word for a secretary (I'm 27 btw)
I thought a working girl just meant any girl/woman who works and I wondered why it was considered a bad thing.
when I was 5, after watching Beauty and the Beast, I was convince that when a teapot would produce smoke, it was simply because it was mad! I believed this until I was 7.