I Used To Believe newsletter: December 2005
Hi,
Greetings from the 30th newsletter! We didn't send a newsletter in November because we were busy moving from New Zealand to Australia, so this month we've specially selected some seasonal beliefs for you enjoyment. Happy holidays and see you in the new year.
Have fun,
Mat.
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We had a pot-bellied wood stove, so when I was about four I figured out that Santa Claus was a lie. I realised it was really a world-wide secret organization of very skinny present-giving ninjas. On any other day they were regular people in our neighborhood, I just couldn't figure out who.
Zog
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As an elementary school child I believed that in "Winter Wonder Land" they perspired instead of conspired by the fire.
Anon
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I never believed in Father Christmas, just the Christmas Monkey that hung from the back of the bedroom door and magically grew satsumas and small ineffective toys in its many pockets.
Dan
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I used to believe that someday my parents would turn our dirty old basement into a roller skating rink and charge admission. I hung a Christmas tree ornament that looked like a glitter ball from the basement ceiling in preparation.
no thanks
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I used to believe that green beans were reindeer food and if you ate enough of them you would be able to fly like Santa's reindeer.
Anon
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A friend of mine used to sing "Oh my god! There's a snowman" instead of "All we've got is this moment" in INXS's Need You Tonight. He was convinced that these were the correct lyrics and justified this to me by saying "They come from Australia, so they've never seen snow before".
doodin
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We bought my daughter a bike when she was about 3 and hid it in the loft of our garage. On Christmas morning she came racing into our room screaming that Santa had been to our house. When I asked how did she know she said "because he went up in the loft and got that bike down for me".
Ditzy mom
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I believed that when you shut your eyes tightly and shook your head really fast, you'd forget everything that was just told to you. For years I told my parents and friends what birthday and Christmas present they were going to get from me, as long as they promised to shut their eyes and shake their heads after I told them.
Zoe
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When I was little I used to dread the snow because I believed the Abominable Snowman was actually a snowman that came to life when no-one was looking, crawled through your bedroom window and took you away. I think it was my older brother who put me up to this one ... come to think of it he was the same person who made me believe that Crystal Palace played their home games at Buckingham Palace.
Gary (frightened)
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Whenever I saw a Santa at a mall or at my school, I used to think that they were hired by the real Santa to make people believe in him.
Anon
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To make me and my brother eat our brussel sprouts at xmas, my dad told us that they were magic miniature cabbages from china that cost thousands of pounds.
gullible git
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When I overheard my mother saying that someone was "getting a piece of tail", I thought they were going to buy a racoon skin hat (the Davey Crocket style with the tail at the back). I had always wanted one of those and asked Santa in a letter for "a piece of tail".
gracie
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I believed in father christmas for ages and ages because I thought there was no way my parents could afford that much wrapping paper.
SillySally
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One year I found a kiddy tool kit with a hacksaw under the Christmas tree. I set to work that day and eventually cut the back fence in half. The same night there was a big police chase that ended in our street and I believed that the ten police cars were coming for me. I quickly confessed to my parents since I didn't want to go to jail - I escaped a criminal record but had my new hacksaw confiscated.
Steve
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In 5th grade my childhood sweetheart asked me if I had puberty. I didn't know what it was so I told him I got it for Christmas.
melissa
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Just as I was starting to disbelieve in Father Christmas my parents got a neighbour to dress up as him and fill the stocking at the end of my bed. He trod on the airfix planes I had laid as a trap and woke me up. I was too paralysed with belief and fear to apprehend him and carried on believing for a few years.
sam
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Being a sheltered little kid, I had no idea what a virgin was until I figured it out from a book of Christmas carols. The illustration for 'Silent Night' had Mary sitting on the ground, leaning against a boulder holding her baby. I read the line "round yon virgin mother and child" and realised that virgin was another word for boulder.
Elizabeth
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Once when I was about three, I asked Mom & Dad when Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise were going to see the snowman: "... to boldly go where Snowman has gone before."
Nicholas Dollak
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I thought that ground turkey referred to turkeys grown underground. I wondered why they did that, as they only ever became little strips.
Gobble
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