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I Used To Believe newsletter: November 2007

Hi,

Teachers are under suspicion again this month, this time for what they aren't able to do: cook or fix their own vehicles. Surely they could just borrow a coffin to get back home?

For more great beliefs visit www.iusedtobelieve.com or get the book of the site, Butter Comes From Butterflies, available from Amazon and all good booksellers!

Have fun,

Mat.

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My father played a lot of Beatles music for me as a child. Until high school, I thought that the standard color for submarines was yellow, like school buses.
Anon

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When I was about 5 or 6, none of my teeth were wobbly and I wanted money. So when my dog's tooth fell out I decided to trick the tooth fairy by putting my dog's tooth under my pillow. When I woke up, there were a bunch of dog biscuits under my pillow.
Felicity

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I believed that oral contraception meant talking your way out of it.
Stupid

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In Junior's school (6-11 yrs old) we seemed to have loads of fire drills. I used to stand in the cold and quietly seethe at the stupidity of our teachers. I was convinced that one of them had gone into the staff room and burnt a piece of toast which set off the fire alarm. This might have been because this was how our smoke alarm at home always went off. I wondered "how long can it take for someone to wave a newspaper under the fire alarm to shut it up so we could go back inside?"
Jessica

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I used to believe that when people said that they were in their "birthday suit" they were talking about a clown outfit.
Jocelyn

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When I was younger, I believed that because blind people were awake with their eyes closed, they slept with their eyes open.
Marv

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When I was about 9 or 10, I heard about the internet. I thought that when you bought things off the internet, you had a little box attached to your computer with a hole and you'd drop coins in the hole. When you'd put in enough money, they'd send whatever you bought.
Sarah W

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I believed for some time that a store in our town, "Toys Topless", was a convertible car accessories store, as my mom said when I asked (even though it had blacked out windows and creepy guys walking into it).
KPF

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When I was little and I heard a weather report in the winter, I always wondered why they gave two temperatures: one for the "windshield factory" and one for everyone else. I couldn't figure out why it was so much colder where they made windshields. I don't remember how long I thought this before I learned about the wind chill factor.
chilly girl

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In grade two I thought teachers were aliens who crash landed on earth millions of years ago and pretended school was for getting a good education, but actually wanted to kidnap all the smartest kids and force them to be their slaves and fix their space ship.
Anon

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I used to think soap operas were people being spied on. So when my life got pretty dramatic I'd stick on a video to draw the attention away from me... just in case.
Paranoid

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I used to believe that if there were men doing roadworks outside my house, I couldn't go outside or they would put me in the manhole and put the cover back on and leave me there, and that this was something they routinely did.
Alison

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I am terrified of bugs especially roaches. When I was little sometimes I would fall asleep on the couch and wake up in my own bed and when I asked about it my dad, he said the giant sewer roaches came out and moved me so they could watch TV. I had nightmares for years and I never slept on the couch until I was married and had kids of my own.
Anon

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When I was quite young, I believed that your coffin was really a spaceship to take you to heaven.
Sunshine

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If you went to the International Date Line and jumped back and forth across it 2 or 3 times it would affect your age.
Blake

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When I was very young I assumed adults bought money at stores. Since money was the only means which I knew of to make purchases, I deduced they bought money with money at a 1:1 ratio. It made no sense even then but seemed like the only rational possibility.
smith

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I remember wondering what happened to bugs when they died. I was afraid that they went to heaven because I could only imagine how many bugs would have died by the time I got up there. I pictured heaven for years as this big kingdom in the sky absolutely coated in bugs.
Anon

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When I was about 5 or 6, I saw a cartoon where the character used an umbrella as a parachute. My older brother said that it was true because it was on TV. He talked me into jumping off my grandma's bird aviary with the umbrella. I wrecked the umbrella and strained my ankle. My brother told me not to tell because I would get in trouble for hurting the umbrella.
Chik DuBay

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I used to believe that a hamburger was called a "handburger" because you ate it using your hands.
ELEKTRA

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I used to believe pencil shavings were the key to bringing clay creatures to life. My best friend and I made a point to volunteer for the positions in school which emptied the pencil shavings from the sharpener, then secretly stash them away and bring them home to animate a small clay monster we hid in the basement. It never worked out as we planned.
Anon

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