I Used To Believe newsletter: February 2006
Hi,
This month we bring you animals as you've never seen them before: cows working in corner stores, jaybirds committing traffic offences and dogs needing bark therapists. Plus, next time you pick up a gossip magazine you'll understand how they got such sneaky shots. For more bizarre beliefs, visit http://www.iusedtobelieve.com !
Have fun,
Mat.
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When I was younger I used to believe that sparkly sidewalks were actually covered with millions of tiny ant paparazzi. I would hide my face as I walked over it.
Jason
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I used to think Ray Charles sang "What a Wonderful World" instead of Louis Armstong and I always wondered how he could sing "I see trees of green".
MeStupid
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I used to believe that a mistress was the same as a seamstress and I couldn't figure out why all men were so attracted to ladies that sew.
Holly Lane
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My dad told me a funeral home was a place where they put dead people on display. I misinterpreted this to mean they were displayed like museum exhibits e.g. "Vinny Jackson, died in 1990 of a gunshot".
Anon
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I used to think that if you left a vacuum cleaner switched on when it was upright it would eventually suck through the floor and continue down through the earth. I asked my mum about this once and she told me it was true.
Liz
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I used to believe that the rock they used in the sport curling was a tea kettle.
Kaninchen
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I used to think that a serial killer was someone who would kill people by either drowning them in a bowl of cereal or boiling their victim's heads in oatmeal.
Kim
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When I was little I thought that illegal drugs must be all kinds of fun flavors. Why else would people want to take them?
M
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I used to believe sadism involved being sad and depressed. Obvious, I think.
]_]
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When I was about 7 or 8 a friend had to have "anti-bionics", or so it sounded to me. I couldn't work out why anyone would want to reduce bionic strength (Steve Austin - Bionic Man!) as I figured it was a good thing to have.
Jim, UK
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When I was small my parents gave me a savings account. Just after I learned to read I saw a sign that read "Jesus Saves!" From then on I believed that Jesus also had a passbook and collected interest regularly. I can distinctly remember walking up to the bank teller to deposit some Christmas money and gleefully saying "Jesus saves!"
Larry
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I used to believe that jaywalking was walking naked in the street.
Kendra
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Whenever we drove under an overpass I wondered how the cars got up so high. My dad told me that a crane lifted them onto it. I spent months waiting for it to happen to us, but figured I just missed it every time and was horribly frustrated. Why was the concept of an incline so hard for me?
Elizabeth
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When we were about 6 and 8, my sister and I discovered that we could burp when we drank cola. We though it was really funny and did it all the time. My mother told us we should stop because it would damage our stomachs. We didn't take any notice until she told us that damaged stomachs couldn't digest chocolate and sweet pastries.
Anon
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I used to believe that if you didn't talk to your dog it wouldn't learn how to bark, until my mum asked why I was talking to the dog.
Anon
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When I tried to describe what I was thinking my dad used to tell me to "be more specific". I thought he was saying "be more Pacific" and figured that people who lived over the ocean must be really good at explaining stuff.
Tam
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When I was a little girl, I was completely mystified by McDonald's restaurants and their amazing ability to have exactly what you ordered ready so quickly. I used to believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that every McDonald's employed a psychic.
Jess
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I used to think that in order to get fresh milk, every grocery store had a cow or two in the back room. It wasn't until a nice store employee took me back there one day that I learned otherwise.
fred
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I thought rice was just another way to prepare a potato, like mashed or fries.
Me
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When I was little, I used to think (after watching in slow motion) that centers in football pooped the football to quarterbacks.
Scott
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